Down At The End of Lonely Street

It is Wednesday, as occurs every week, and as with every other Wednesday, this…

…means the end of our broadcast day.

And if I were you, I might complain, but if you’re a regular reader of Crisis On Infinite Midlives, you too went to the comic store, and therefore also have a new issue of The Goon! Plus Action Comics #3, and The Goon! And the first issue of the rebooted (But Marvel doesn’t reboot! Or publish The Goon!) Uncanny X-Men, not to mention The Goon! Plus a parody of Fear Itself! And the Red Lantern blood shower girl, underneath The Goon! Not to mention new The Goon!

Hard to say what we’re looking most forward to reading, but we must take the time to read them so we can review them for you, and – holy shit! Is that a new issue of The Goon?

See you tomorrow, suckers!

Meet The New Boss…

So after a long morning complaining that money ruins comics…

…we must end our broadcast day with a pile of comics released today that prove that paid comics on proven properties can, in fact, pique the interest.

Just look at this take! We’ve got Astonishing X-Men with Art Adams art (Not a palindrome, no matter what Mr. Adams would like you to believe), Wolverine and the X-Men, new Walking Dead, Green Wake (Which, despite the fact that you just heard about it, you should be reading), Brian Azzarello’s and Eduardo Rizzo’s Spaceman, and a ton of other good shit that we will try like hell to read and review for you!

In the meantime, it’s beer o’clock, which means: see you tomorrow, suckers!

Won’t Someone Please Think Of The Children? – Review Of X-Men: Schism #5 And X-Men: Regenesis

I don’t know if you’ve heard but, Marvel doesn’t do reboots. No, they have their events, goddammit! And they’re going to stick to them, no matter how awful and convoluted they get what. Well, this past week, one of those events, X-Men: Schism, finally came to a head in X-Men: Schism #5 by Jason Aaron, with art by Adam Kubert. By the end of this book, Scott Summers, aka Cyclops, and Logan, aka Wolverine, finally have it out and break up the team with such force and drama as to make Noel and Liam Gallagher look positively civilized in comparison.

Also out this past week was X-Men: Regenesis, a one shot by Kieron Gillen, who will be writing the Uncanny X-Men reboot relaunch. X-Men: Regenesis also features art by Billy Tan. This book gives the reader a look at the behind the scenes arguments, wheedling and general drama that took place as the members of Utopia decide which dad to go and live with. Sure, you don’t need to read both to understand that going forward there will be two teams, one led by Scott and the other by Logan. You can get that from just reading one book or the other, or, you know the internet. However, reading them together, I found, really helped me cement whether or not I was Team Scott or Team Logan.

Every Generation’s Got Its Own Disease: Phoenix Returns

About a week and a half ago, we reported on a postcard that Marvel sent to comic book retailers like my local comic store owner, who knows me by name and asks me not to unbuckle my belt and tell him to “check out my back issue”, that simply read: “It’s Coming.” Following the right URL to Marvel’s Website brought you to a page containing a placeholder for their liveblog of Marvel Chief Creative Officer Joe Quesada’s Cup ‘O Joe panel at the New York Comic Con.

Well, that panel took place yesterday. Tell us what’s coming, Marvel blogger UltimateKidNova!

The teaser “It’s Coming” was shown once more before being morphed into what seems to hint heavily at the return of a certain character named for a mythical flaming bird.

“Flaming bird,” huh? Can you be a little more specific? RuPaul? Devine? Beiber?

Yeah, even I’m not that hung over. Marvel’s bringing back Phoenix. Eventually. Marvel’s promo art they showed at the panel is after the jump.

Professor Charles Xavier Explains It All For You

Just found this over at Comics Alliance. College Humor has published The X-Men Guide To Puberty by Caldwell Tanner, who you may also know from Five Easy Ways To Show You Don’t Give A Fuck. Read along as Professor X tell you everything you did, and maybe didn’t, want to know about your unholy mutant aberration rapidly developing body!

I remember when my mom said the same thing to me. I think it was shortly after she admitted she didn't really like kids.

Read the rest of the “What’s Happening To My Body Book For Mutants” here.

Crisis On Infinite Midlives Podcast Episode 2: The Knockers Of Justice

We bought some more bourbon, which means here’s another exciting episode of the Crisis On Infinite Midlives Podcast!

Why “The Knockers Of Justice”? There’s actually a reason this time, and it’s Catwoman and Starfire. Plus, “The T*ts Of Justice” just sounded crass for a family site. F**k you; don’t look at us like that.

Other topics include Nightwing #1, Kevin Smith’s The Bionic Man, and Event Fatigue, or: If Wolverine Begins Fighting Cyclops in Schism at 6 a.m., Stops To Fight Juggernaut in Fear Itself  at 8 a.m. and Arrives To Fight With Spider-Man in Spider Island at noon, At What Time Does Marvel Start To Give a F**k About Continuity?

Plus, here are a few links to items we discussed in the show:

• Laura Hudson of Comics Alliances op-ed on Catwoman and Red Hood and The Outlaws
• Comics Reporter Week in Review, including Judd Winick’s quote on his Catwoman characterization
• Comics Alliance roundup of Catwoman parody cartoons

Enjoy! Or at least don’t complain too loudly!

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 45:58 — 42.1MB)

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Brave New X-World – Review Of Ultimate X-Men #1

This week, Marvel’s Ultimate line reboots its X-Men franchise with Ultimate X-Men #1 written by Nick Spencer with pencils by Paco Medina and inks by Juan Vlasco. We’re dropped into a world that is still mourning the death of Peter Parker, and is now rocked by the revelation that mutants aren’t a natural occurrence, but instead are the by-product of decades of bio-engineering experimentation. The general public has orders to shoot any mutant that has not turned itself over to a containment camp. Also, Santa Claus isn’t real and your mom never loved you. It’s a beautiful day in the fucking neighborhood.

Warning – spoilers below the fold!

Laying Cable: Marvel Announces Avengers: X-Sanction

Yesterday afternoon, Marvel announced in a conference call that their next big event will be called Avengers: X-Sanction, written by Jeph Loeb and penciled by Ed McGuinness. The story will focus on the Avengers – probably to keep focus on the team for the release of the Joss Whedon movie nest summer – and will feature the return of Cable, the popular mutant character killed in the X-Men Second Coming event last summer. Cable, who was introduced in New Mutants in 1990 by *eyeroll* *drool* *take back fuck I threatened to give*

Okay, maybe that’s not fair and a little premature. Let’s see what Loeb has in mind for the story:

As to how Cable’s mission relates to the Avengers, Loeb said he “doesn’t want to give away too much,” but “how Cable survived ‘Messiah Complex’ and ‘Second Coming’ — and I do consider those one big arc — if there had been even a hint that the Avengers had something to do with Hope’s future, he would… do something to them.”

…[Marvel Senior Vice President of Publishing Tom] Brevoort said the event puts Cable in conflict with characters readers aren’t used to seeing him with. “The definition of Cable as a father out to protect his daughter by any means necessary gives the character a weight and heft you can relate to on a very human level.” There are also “some larger situations going on” for both Nate and the Avengers.

Okay, THAT changes things. NOW I feel… yeah: I got nothing.

Rhymes With Jism, or: Let’s Fist Again

Newsarama’s got a preview of the first few pages of the finale to X-Men: Schism, the big second tier event Marvel’s running alongside Fear Itself… or maybe it’s the third tier event; in the Spider-Man books, Marvel’s running Spider Island, or: “Deadline? Um… Fuck It; EVERYONE’S Got Spider Powers! I’ll Be At The Bar Until My Check Clears!”

I’m gonna be honest with you: I don’t really follow the X-Men. That’s Amanda’s department. But I like Jason Aaron’s writing (If you’re not reading Scalped, you’re failing at comics), so I’ve been reading this one and generally enjoying it because you can’t go wrong with stories about evil children. Because ALL CHILDREN ARE EVIL; they steal your freedom and your beer and comics money for frivilous things like food and pants. That’s why I encase all my children in latex and flush them down the toilet before they can whimper at me. But I digress. Because I have been drinking. Anyway…