Spider-Clones: Marvel’s Recent Moves

It’s been a weird month or so at Marvel, what with a bunch of layoffs, the cancellation of several ongoing books (Including Jason Aaron’s Punisher MAX, Crisis on Infinite Midlives favorite Black Panther: The Man Without Fear, and X-23 and Ghost Rider – Marvel’s only two books with female leads), and a couple of books (Destroyers and Victor Von Doom) that haven’t even come out yet. The word is that Marvel has been particularly nutcutting because of budgetary concerns, which means Marvel may be the first company that requires people with the job title of “Architect” to bring their own fucking toilet paper to work.

Any detailed analysis of what Marvel is doing and why would require more knowledge of the comics industry than a guy who just likes comics has, and, you know… math and shit, which means I’m not the one to do it. Kiel Phegley at Comic Book Resources runs down what’s happening and possibly why from an informed prospective, which you should go read. Go ahead. I’ll wait.

You’re back? What? you want to know what I think? Didn’t I just tell you that I’m not the one to ask? But then again, it’s Thanksgiving weekend, which means that we’re all doomed to listen to some drunkard spouting off in an authoritative manner about things they know nothing whatsoever about. Okay, fine; fill your glass, pull up a chair, and listen to your Uncle Rob run his mouth about something he knows nothing whatsoever about.

Flaming: Fantastic Four #600 Review

I have decided that when I die, I want someone at Marvel to write my obituary. Because that will mean that I won’t be dead for very fucking long.

Yeah, The Human Torch is alive again, but we’ll get to that in a minute.

I haven’t reviewed any of the issues in Jonathan Hickman’s run of Fantastic Four before because honestly? It just hasn’t hooked me in. I’ve given it a try because the book has been part of my pulls since Mark Waid’s and Mike Wieringo’s run, so I’ve sort of been getting it by default. And I read it every month, but there’s something about ir that just doesn’t stick to my brain. I’ll grant that alcohol might be a factor, but considering not ten seconds ago I was asked, and able, to recall the Libby’s jingle from the 1970’s, I doubt booze is just attacking my memories of Hickman on FF. Hopefully.

I’ve certainly given Hickman’s writing an honest chance. On top of Fantastic Four, I’ve been reading his book Red Wing by Image, and I’ve picked up trades of his miniseries Red Mass for Mars and Pax Humana. All of which are big idea comics, with intricate clockwork plots that pull together seamlessly… and to a one populated with characters that feel to me like ciphers that exist purely to further those plots. They are impeccable works of engineering, yet oddly bloodless, like a high-end silicone fuck doll: there are people who swear by them, but I was born a blow-up doll man, and I’ll die a blow-up doll man. And lonely. But I digress.

The Bird Is The Word

It is Wednesday evening, and as you regular readers of Crisis On Infinite Midlives know…

…New Comics Day means that this is the end of our broadcast day.

Still and all, that’s a damn good take for the Wednesday before a long American holiday weekend! There’s a new Kick-Ass by Mark Millar, a new Warren Ellis Secret Avengers, a book from Image’s Pilot Season, a new Justice League Dark (Which had better have some fucking Shade: The Changing Man in it! You hear me, Milligan!?), and a new Hawkman, which I only bought to support an American Thanksgiving “We have a bird” joke!

Speaking of Thanksgiving, due to the holiday weekend, posting for the next four days may be a bit more sporadic than usual. But please stick with us; we will do our best to post new news items and reviews… but to do that, we need tonight to start reading the new books.

See you somewhere during or after the tryptophan coma, suckers!

Avenge Me: Marvel’s February Solicitations

Last week, DC Comics announced their solicitations for their upcoming releases for February, and there was a… disturbing trend of books with covers that made the heroes’ thighs look like something that would make Johnny Wadd Holmes weep with bitter, envious frustration.

But surely the repeating nature of DC’s offerings was just a coincidence. One would think that Marvel, who just released their own February solicitations, would never fall into the trap of repeating themselves in the space of a single month!

So let’s take a look at what is sure to be the widely varied and diverse offerings that Marvel has for us in February! (Rob: Tone down the pissy sarcasm and show the nice people the books. -Amanda)

What’s In A Name? – Review Of Wolverine: The Best There Is #11

Wolverine is a Marvel character that appears in more books than the Duggars have children. As all children are special and unique, like snowflakes, so it is that each of Wolverine’s titles are all a bit different from one another. In the Wolverine family, Wolverine: The Best There Is, written by Charlie Huston, with art by Juan Jose Ryp is the pretty one that’s also a little slow, but really likes to hear itself talk and thinks it’s more mature than it actually is.

Note the “Parental Advisory! Not For Kids!” label slapped on the cover. Marvel already has an existing MAX line in which content with explicit themes can be published. So, if Wolverine: The Best There Is is “not for kids”, why not publish this title under the MAX imprint? Could it be that Marvel/Disney doesn’t want to take one of its most popular characters and place it in a book that is actively off limits to kids and teens? Because, if that is the case, the overall muted storytelling, with its emphasis on violent, graphic imagery, stilted exposition and bleeped out swear words reads like a network television broadcast edit on an “R” rated movie – and a mediocre one at that.

Spoilers, megalomania and wasted potential after the jump.

Can I Get Dental With That? – Review Of The Punisher #5

In the most recent reboot run of The Punisher series, Greg Rucka has chosen to take the tactic of letting Frank Castle’s actions tell the bulk of the story. As he told Comic Book Resources:

We’ve had so many people over the years do an amazing job of getting inside Frank’s head, it seemed to me that nobody needed my take on it because it would just be me aping somebody else really. We know Frank. He’s very straight-forward about what he wants, why he wants it and what he’s willing to do to get it. We ran with him not talking for as long as I think we could get away with in terms of the story. It’s not that we were trying to render him mute as much as, he’s a guy who doesn’t have a lot to say. He’s not the type to talk to hear himself talk. Plus, he doesn’t really surround himself with people that he’s going to converse with.

The rest of the story is told from the point of view of the characters on whom Frank’s actions have had an impact: a police officer, Walter Bolt, who receives a promotion after being perceived as a hero during a shootout in which Frank Castle actually was the one who saved Bolt’s life, a bride, Rachel Alves, who is the only survivor of a massacre that took place on her wedding day, and Norah Winters, who is covering Castle in an attempt to be taken more seriously as a reporter. It’s an interesting choice for Rucka; Castle is so involved in his one man war on crime that he either doesn’t care or have time to acknowledge the impact his actions have on the few people he has around him. Punisher #5 continues in this vein as the characters approach Thanksgiving in the 616.

Spoilers and small children after the jump!

New To Comics: So… I Guess Hawkeye Drives A Yaris?

EDITOR’S NOTE: Crisis On Infinite Midlives is proud to introduce our newest contributor: Pixiestyx. Pixiestyx is relatively new to reading comics, and therefore brings a different perspective to the comics world then Amanda and myself, who have been around the block enough to know who to curse at by name and general description. She’s been leaving great, interesting comments recently, and we’re glad to add her to the Crisis On Infinite Midlives team!

Does the comic industry really want to bring in new readers? If they did, one would think that the publishers would want to make it as easy as possible for a new reader to find a storyline that interests them, as well as figure out where to begin following that storyline. I have been an occasional comic reader for just over two years, yet when it comes to much of the comic world, I feel very much like Hal Jordan, having been told to speak the oath of the Green Lanterns without knowing what that oath is – completely lost.

I know how to do research; how to comparison shop, read reviews, and decide what to buy. However, most of the publishers’ websites have not been very helpful. They are good at listing the new books for this week and what’s coming out next week; but other than great cover art images, they do a very poor job of drawing me in and telling me why I should begin reading a series. They tend to have a busy layout and are unintuitive if you don’t already know what you are looking for. The UserWiki on Marvel’s site offers series background information, but the volume of information is inconsistent – a page and a half on some, non-existent on others. It appears that Marvel’s primary focus is on getting visitors to buy a Toyota Yaris instead of their comics anyway.

Deus Ex Machina: Fear Itself 7.3: Iron Man Review

EDITOR’S NOTE: This review contains spoilers. But considering the comic this review is about wipes away just about the last persisting effects of the entire Fear Itself event storyline, it’s not like it fucking matters. However, you have been warned.

You want to talk to God? Let’s go see him together. I’ve got nothing better to do.”

– Indiana Jones

The story in this comic book is horrible. It steals shamelessly from better comic stories by better writers, attempts to simulate depth by rehashing a philosophical point conveyed better in an 80’s teen sex comedy, and blows away any lasting effect of the Fear Itself event with a storytelling device that every writer since the ancient fucking Greeks – even the lowliest and worst hack –  has said, “Yeesh, I’d better not end it that way. The audience would kill me.”

Down On The Upload: Downloading Avenging Spider-Man, Part 2

EDITOR’S NOTE: This article is part 2 in a short series about downloading a digital comic book from Marvel’s online store. Actually, it’s a very short series considering this is the last part. You can find part 1 here. And if that doesn’t sound interesting, you can find cats talking to each other here.

After I muddled through figuring out how to give Marvel enough personal information to be able to read the digital copy of Avenging Spider-Man they’d offered to give me for free with my purchase of the print edition, and I finally was looking at the book in Marvel’s computer comic reader, it occurred to me that nothing in any of the Web pages I came through told me how to find the book again later. Lemme look at the app… aha! There’s something about subscriptions! Let’s click that!

Up On The Download: Downloading Avenging Spider-Man, Part 1

Okay, so: digital comics! I think I’ve established that I’m not really a fan of the concept of digital comics. I like my weekly Wednesday trip to my local comics store, where my local comic store owner, who knows me by name and asks me if I’ve ever been told that pants are an always choice, hands me my books and recommends new ones for me.

However, Marvel was good enough to give those of us who bought Avenging Spider-Man #1 last week a code we could use to redeem for a free digital copy of the book. And as much as I like my stack of books every week, if I’m honest with myself, I’ve always considered myself an early adopter. And while I might be lurching into middle age, I like to believe it’s not so far in that I’m unwilling to try new things. Because if I am, it’s time to scratch “threesome” off my list and tag the list’s title with “bucket.”

So let’s download us a comic!