Iron Man 3 Speculation – Extremis?

The Avengers movie hasn’t even hit theaters yet and, already, speculation has become rampant as to the plot of Iron Man 3 – which is still in pre-production. Over at Latino Review, columnist Da7e, has posted a video in which he claims that “an anonymous source from the New York test screening of The Avengers” told him that the villains in Iron Man 3 would be “extremely dangerous” – Da7e’s emphasis, not mine. There were air bunny quote gestures and everything. From there, Da7e postulates that Tony Stark’s next story line would be taken from Warren Ellis’s Invincible Iron Man: Extremis story run, in which Stark injects himself with experimental nanotechnology to fight a similarly powered bad guy. A motion comic version of Extremis can be found at Hulu.

Beyond the anonymous source, Da7e himself points out that part of his post comes from his own “geeky fanboy conjecture” – Stark may demonstrate a willingness to create what The Film Stage refers to as a “‘technology-based solution to replicating the super solider serum that turns Steve Rogers into Captain America,’ known in layman’s terms as nanobots.” The good Captain knew Stark’s dad from back in World War II and has been dismissive of little Tony as merely being a guy in a super powered suit in the trailer. Does Tony Stark have unrequited daddy issues? Why not just ask me if Tony has a Jackson Pollock and impending cirrhosis of the liver?

Are there other hidden clues that point to an Extremely Extremis threequel? Maybe! After the jump.

They Used To Be Kind Of Light And Funny: Defenders #4 Review

Defenders #4 has almost no action. It is a team book that features the team for exactly one page. It blatantly rips off a Bill Hicks joke – and acknowledges the rip right on the same page. And yet it is one of the finest comics you will read this week – and this is a week of some good Goddamned comics.

While this issue continues the story arc established in the first three issues – the team has discovered some kind of magical construct that can grant wishes and is trying to discover its origin – it is, for all intents and purposes, a one-and-done. It is a perfect place to jump into the title, and one hell of a story with which to get acquainted. Because unlike many comic books, this issue is about something: loneliness, longing and isolation. Superhero comics, everyone!

Levity aside, this issue is a rarity in superhero comics: a truly character-driven story. Not to denigrate the genre that I love so desperately, but let’s face reality: probably half the characterizations are along the lines of any hero in a big, fun action flick – entertaining, thrilling, and about as deep as a urine sample. Sure, you get the occasional deeper character study in, say, Spider-Man, but you need to buy a lot of issues where he’s in outer space swapping insults with The Human Torch to get them (And make no mistake: I like that stuff!)… and even when you do, half the time they’re about something ridiculous, like Peter Parker negotiating with the devil. And as much as I love, say, The Punisher, I don’t read it for any insights into the human condition. I read it for insights into the human cadaver. But I’m getting off track here.

Crisis On Infinite Comics

A couple of weeks ago, Marvel Chief Creative Officer Joe Quesada posted a few cryptic and interesting tweets, starting with, “The future is ∞”. Initially, we at Crisis On Infinite Midlives didn’t pay as much mind as many did because we figured Joe had just looked at our Twitter profile and suddenly realized you could use the ∞ in tweets (about an hour before Joe’s tweets, we had just gotten into a Twitter exchange with Marvel exclusive artist Mike Deodato, after all).

Speculation on the meaning of the tweets ran rampant, from the start of a new line of comics from Marvel, to a New 52-style reboot (But Marvel doesn’t reboot! And Miles Morales has always been at war with Eastasia!) to a baffled suspicion that Joey Q just found Wingdings in his font list, thus officially moving boldly into the state of the art digital technology, provided it’s 1996.

However, at this past weekend’s South By Southwest festival in Austin, TX, Marvel announced what Infinite Comics really means: three digital-only comics, written by Mark Waid and co-written and drawn by Stuart Immonen, tying into the upcoming Avengers Vs. X-Men event.

Well, just calling them “digital-only” comics is selling the thing a little bit short… or hyping them a little bit too much.

Imperious Sex! – Review Of Uncanny X-Men #8

Uncanny X-Men has come to the end of its second story arc in eight issues. Let us all throw up a rousing cheer of “meh”.

This arc has found the X-Men playing clean-up crew to a mess left by Psylocke and the other members of the mutant wetwork team, X-Force, which left a small town in outer most Mongolia Montana devastated and gave rise to an alien biosystem called Tabula Rasa. When I say “clean-up crew”, what I really mean is that Magneto (yes, for those of you not reading X-books and playing along at home, Magneto is currently an X-Man) figured out that Psylocke’s (who is also an X-Man) other team caused it. Cyclops (“Hi, my name is Scott Summers. I’m covered from head to toe in latex and appear to only have one eye!”), leader of the X-Men, has no idea what’s going on. As usual. Must be a day.

I said, back in October, that the one thing to come out of Schism/Regenesis would be me finally putting Uncanny back on my pull list after a ten year absence. Right now, I’m thinking that it’s about to come right the fuck back off again.

Fun fact – Tabula Rasa means “blank slate”, just like the heads of the pretty little porn stars Greg Land traces. Oh, and spoilers ahead.

She Blinded Me With Something Other Than Science: Amazing Spider-Man #681 Review

Amazing Spider-Man #680 was good and fun enough that this week’s immediate followup of issue 681 was the first book I pulled off the stack yesterday, despite the cover that, if you remove the planet Earth from the background, looks like a frame grab of a Spider-Man / Human Torch bukkake flick. Seriously: if that’s how people look in hard vacuum, we now know why HAL wouldn’t open the pod bay doors: because it’s fucking hilarious. They look less like they’re suffering from asphyxia than like they have a pube caught in their throats. I could go on, but rumor is there’s a whole comic book behind this cover.

Writers Dan Slott and Chris Yost have delivered what is still a big, fun comic book, but in no way will it make you smarter. In fact, you’ll need to turn off large parts of your brain in order to fully enjoy it as the high-budget b-movie that it is. The science in this issue makes Michael Bay’s Armageddon look like Nova with Neil Degrasse Tyson.

No One Can Hear You Thwip: Amazing Spider-Man #680 Review

The Amazing Spider-Man #680 is a buddy flick set in a zombie apocalypse occurring in space. If you walked into a movie studio executive’s office with that pitch, you’d be thrown out on your ass. Unless that executive worked for the Sy-Fy channel. In which case you’d be given their largest production budget to date: 75 bucks. Although they might go up to an even hundred, assuming Tiffany and / or Lorenzo Lamas was available.

My point is that this comic book is a big, glorious mess where I’m sure that the one “splorch” sound effect in tne book represents the sound of writers Dan Slott and Chris Yost throwing absolutely every plot idea they can think of at the wall… and it all sticks. I can almost picture those two guys saying, “Spider-Man… we bring in The Human Torch… and put them on a space station… what can they fight, what can they fight, what can they – space zombies! Now let’s write, but first: let’s take this TV apart!”

Innocence By Association: New Avengers #22 Review

UPDATE, 3/3/2012, 9 a.m.: Via Twitter exchange with Mike Deodato on the division of art labor between him and Will Conrad:

@mikedeodato – FYI: @willconrad didn’t ink me on NA#22. He drew these awesome pages: 5,9,10,11,12,13,14,15,16,17 and I did the rest. Thanks, buddy!:)

@InfiniteMidlife – Thanks, @mikedeodato. I’m curious: did @willconrad pencil those pages with a common inker for the book? I couldn’t see a difference in style

@mikedeodato –@InfiniteMidlife We ink our own stuff.

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Here’s the ugly and sad truth that DC Comics will not want to hear and will ignore even if they do: when it comes to superhero team books, The New Avengers is, bar none, the most consistently good one you can currently put your hands on. From the plot to the characters to the dialogue to the art, this book blows Justice League out of the water… and I say this despite the fact that New Avengers #22 continues the Dark Avengers 2 storyline, which just by existing makes me so crazy with rage that I want to catch a flight so I can chloroform writer Brian Michael Bendis and draw a misshapen Norman Osborn wavy haircut on his lumpy bald noggin.

This issue continues the aftermath of Osborn’s and his Dark Avengers’ public relations assault on our heroes, which has led to a bunch of very expensive power-armored New York SWAT cops (Hey, it’s New York in the 616; let’s assume Mayor Jameson’s reduction of the Moustache Tax hit the sweet spot on the Laffer Curve) waiting outside Avengers Mansion to arrest the crew. Luke Cage, however, has some obvious and understandable issues with police authority, so fisticuffs ensue. Meanwhile, various members of the Dark Avengers are engaged in a race to see who can sneakfuck Osborn the fastest, and some members of the New Avengers have realized that S.H.I.E.L.D. liason Victoria Hand – former right-hand woman for Osborn in the Dark Reign days – might have been giving the team a Victoria Job. Wait, that’s not right…

Avengers Apparently Assemble Earlier In UK Than US

The most recent trailer for The Avengers is out of the United Kingdom, where the movie will be opening on April 26, 2012. Check it out:

I don’t know about you, but I’ve learned that, other than the drinking, I share a lot of other traits in common with Tony Stark. For example, I’m a multi-billionaire that can shoot repulsor blasts from my palms. As far as you know.

The Avengers hits theaters in the US on May 4, 2012. Meanwhile, according to IMDB most of the rest of the developed world will get to see it sometime between April 25-27, 2012.

It’s official, the United States is no longer number one.

He Has But One Life To Give…And It’s Fun Sized – Review Of Secret Avengers #23

Rob got into a text exchange today with Crisis On Infinite Midlives contributor Pixiestyx about the size of our weekly pull list. Rob said “addicts…don’t count”. It’s true. We have a filthy comic book habit in this house, between the two of us, that sometimes results in multiple trips to the comic book store. In fact, just yesterday, Rob and I found ourselves early for a get together with some folks at a bar and you know what we did to kill time? Go to that neighborhood’s local comic book store where, despite having dropped about $120 dollars on Wednesday for the week’s take, we dropped another $80 on books. That’s $80 dollars we could have spent at the bar getting shit faced while waiting for people to show up at the get together. We might need an intervention.

With that many books coming into the house, I’ll fully admit that I don’t always get around to reading everything we buy each week. Sometimes I have to, I don’t know, go to work. So I can pay for more comic books and lights to read them by. Secret Avengers, which Rob has reviewed a lot in the past, no seriously, is one of those books. I read a couple issues of the Warren Ellis run and pretty much agreed with Rob that, dialogue-wise, it felt like a Next Wave retread. Now, Rick Remender has taken over writing duties and, with all of the other books to choose from in the pile this week, I decided to pick up the book on a Part Two of an arc already in progress.

Was this a wise use of my time? Short answer: yes.

Alert – Hawkeye is a dick, and other spoilers, ahead!

Never Judge A Book: Ultimate Spider-Man #7 Review

We’re now seven issues into Brian Michael Bendis’s new Ultimate Spider-Man, and Miles Morales is in his costume, Peter Parker is in his heaven, and there is finally superhero action in this superhero action comic book. Man, I’m liking this book a lot more now that something’s actually happening in it. Who woulda thunk it?

However, the book gets a rough start thanks to Kaare Andrews cover. Sure, it’s beautifully rendered with pseudo 3D / photorealistic backgrounds, and unlike the cover in the last issue we reviewed here, it doesn’t look like Spider-Man’s so excited to have superpowers that he’s double-ejaculating like some kind of pornographic Chow Yun Fat while busily sucking his own dick. No, in this cover, Spider-Man is overlooking the city, demurely and quietly squatting… and apparently crapping a giant golden dook. Right on top of the American flag. Look, I really like Kaare Andrews work – his stuff on Spider-Man: Reign was excellent – but the man draws these Ultimate Spider-Man covers like he’s trying to see what weird shit he can sneak into them. I’m guessing that either we’re two issues away from a cover where Spider-Man sprays webs onto Black Cat’s upper lip, or that I just have a filthy, dirty (sanchez) mind and should stop reading perversion into these covers.

Things, however, are a little more plain vanilla between the covers (Ha! Get it?).