Batman & Robin is a textbook case of the dangers inherent in telling a decompressed comics story. The first issue read to me as a wretched Goddamned mishmash of elements from Christopher Nolan’s Batman movies and the old 60s TV show: big, silly action – including riding Batpoles, and not in that good superhero porno parody way – combined with the introduction of some darker elements, like a new villain who dissolves his enemies in acid. It was a frustrating experience in cognitive dissonance, like watching Cesar Romero tie Adam West to a giant roman candle and then chop Burt Ward’s foot off with a rusty machete.

The first issue was so dissatisfying that I was prepared to drop the book from my pulls, except I didn’t want to risk accidentally losing Scott Snyder’s Batman by accident. And I am glad that I didn’t, because the subsequent three issues, which tie up the opening story arc, have proven that Batman & Robin deserves to stand with Snyder’s Batman and Tony Daniel’s Detective Comics as some of the most rock-solid, entertaining Batman comics in years. Sometimes I’m glad to be wrong.

Let’s get some of the prejudicial facts out of the way up front: I have never particularly liked Damian Wayne. Since his introduction he has often been written as a bitchy little brat, to the point where Amanda has sometimes gotten the both of us laughing by reading Damian’s dialogue in the voice of Stewie from Family Guy. Try it yourself, it’s fun: “Now look here, Pennyworth…”

Well, it’s finally out and far more viewable than the blurry cell phone footage that made its way to The Gothamist four days ago. I give to you, for your viewing pleasure, The Dark Knight Rises official movie trailer:

Just in the nick of time, now that the other, also blurry, cell phone footage of the 8 minutes of DKR prologue got yanked from the Internet by Warner Bros. I will say the brief snippets of Anne Hathaway as Selina Kyle are definitely getting me more interested in her/the movie’s take on the character. Oh, and it’s nice to finally be able to understand what Bane is saying without needing a script to follow – although the dialogue in that script refers to the DKR prologue, not that Bane was particularly intelligible in the trailer leaked on Dec. 15, either.

Sam DeHority recently published an interview on Men’s Fitness with John Romaniello, NSCA-CPT to examine whether the training regimen published in Matthew Manning’s The Batman Files is something an actual human being could do. The short answer? No.

What are the odds that someone could get through a regimen like this cleanly?
Zero percent. It’s too many elite levels of skill. For the highest one percent of one percent of the population, you can be good at just about everything and great at a few things. Let’s take someone who’s both big and strong, and has good endurance—someone from the New Zealand All Blacks rugby squad. I don’t think they could sprint 20 miles. A 4:50 mile is damn near a sprint, and those guys don’t have to deal with broken bones from fighting bad guys.

But…I’m no quitter! How bad could it really be? This, coming from a girl who can’t actually manage to stick to a simple plan of going for a walk three times week. Mostly because I’m hungover a lot and sunlight brings pain.

Workout plan and feelings of inadequacy after the jump

Batman: Odyssey #2 features exquisite art by Neal Adams. The images of Batman in this book are spectacular, and Adams has not lost a step from his classic Batman illustrations in the 1970’s. You could lose yourself in this art. Which is a good thing because it is there in support of a story also written by Neal Adams. And reading this story is like being fucked in the brainstem by Adams’s drafting pencil after a half-dose of shitty brown acid.

I have no fucking idea what is happening in this comic book. It opens with Bruce Wayne looking right at me – literally making eye contact through the page – andapparently asking me, as a reader, if  I like his Green Lantern t-shirt. Then he says, “So, sure, it wasn’t a happy thing leaving Dick behind, but… what would you do?” Um, I don’t want to tell a legend like Adams his business, but as a long-time comics fan who has read many classic Batman stories, I can’t remember one of them where I was reasonably certain that Batman was hitting on me.

It is Wednesday, and as it has since the inception of this publication almost three months ago…

…this means the end of the Crisis On Infinite Midlives broadcast day.

Which feels like business as usual, but… something is missing… Oh right! There’s not a single issue of DC Comics’s New 52 in the take this week! That explains why my local comic store owner, who knows me by name and asks me to stop asking whoever’s milling around the Archie comics rack if they “wanna see the Old 5-2″, looked at my take this week and only said, “Bomb Queen? No refunds if the pages stick together, Rob. And no, I won’t shake your hand. Or anything else.”

It’s gonna be a weird week with almost no DC books to review, but check it out: we’ve got a new Mark Waid and Marcos Martin issue of Daredevil, Brian Azzarello and Eduardo Rizzo’s Spaceman #2, Neal Adams art and script on Batman: Odyssey, Jonathan Hickman’s followup to FF #600, and a new Angel & Faith from Buffy Season 9!

This is going to be an interesting week; without the new DC books, we’ll have a chance to review some different stuff, and without that New 52 pressure (And since a series of head and chest colds here at the Home Office are starting to dissipate), we should be able to get a new episode of the Podcast in the can.

But before any of that, we need to read the new stuff. So see you tomorrow, suckers!

You thought we’d given up, didn’t you? No such luck; it’s a day, which means it’s time for another exciting episode of the Crisis On Infinite Midlives Podcast!

In this week’s episode, we talk about:

  • How to get comics into the hands of children (Give a store to Jerry Sandusky! What, too soon?)!
  • What to pay your kids for allowance (Or, Sundusky’s Lawsuit-Be-Gon)!
  • New Jersey Comic Conventions (or: SDCC with GTL and MPV meaning HEP3!)
  • F***ing Digital Comics: How Do They Work (Great, if you hate paper and reading comprehension)!
  • The pros, cons, Novas, Phoenixs (Phoenixes? Phoenices? Phoenicians? Penises?) and Wonder Twin clones of Marvel Point One!
  • Our favorite non-reviewed books of the week, and:
  • Fisting a ham (Oh, it’s in there)!

As usual, if you listen to this at work, you should wear headphones! Unless your boss is into that hot, sweet, man-on-piglet action (And if he is, thanks for listening, Coach Sandusky)!

Thanks for listening, suckers!

Yesterday was a big day on the DC Source blog, where they apparently decided to try and recapture that excitement and magic of the first month of the New 52 by showing off every… single… cover of every… single… comic that they’re releasing in February, the six month anniversary (or six month-aversary? “Anni” means “year”. So technically, anniversary isn’t the right – what’s that? No, you’ve been drinking! but I digress.

You can go straight to the source (get it?) for the full list, but here are some of the highlights. And lowlights:

Due to circumstances beyond our control (Damn you, party liquor!), our content is obviously a little light today, and for that we apologize.

We hope to get right back into the swing of things tomorrow morning, with a fresh pair of eyes, a renewed sense of purpose, and an ability to stray more than 17 feet from a toilet, trash barrel or neighbor kid.

(Seriously, though: Amanda’s review of House of Night, the Dark Horse Comics adaptation of the P. C. Cast and Kristin Cast series of novels for people who love Twilight but can’t afford hardcover books, will be up first thing in the morning.)

In the meantime, by way of apology, please accept our humble offering of the 1966 Batman television show animated opening credits. If that show were directed by Christopher Nolan. You can find it right after the jump,

It’s, err… a day (We’ve just about given up on a regular schedule for this thing)… which means that it’s time for another exciting episode of the Crisis On Infinite Midlives Podcast!

Brought to you, as always, in crystal-clear Drunkard Digital 2.0 surround sounds (2.1 if Rob burps into the microphone! And you don’t want to know under what circumstances it becomes 2.2!)

Discussed in this week’s program:

  • Monthly Comics: Holding The Line at 20 Pages plus House Ads and Shilling for Harley Davidson!
  • Looney Tunes, or: The Diagnosis of Super-Villains (Ooh! I vote Tertiary Syphilis!), and:
  • Our unreviewed books of the week: Deadpool, Dead Man’s Run, and the conclusion of Spider-Island!

And you can follow along at home with these links, kids!

As always: wear headphone when listening at work unless you’re tired of your job!

Enjoy the show, suckers!