DC to Batgirl From SDCC: Sandwich – I Don’t Have One.

Image via Bleeding Cool. Also, I like pie.

This week, we’ve got thirteen new number ones, plus Justice League #1 from last week. I added it in because it seemed a little silly to give it its own post last week, so I saved it. On September 7, 2011, DC released 14 (really 13, plus 1 from the week before) brand new titles featuring 105 credited creators, 97 male and 8 female. So we’re nearly two percent less than the average amount. If you want to get into a whole percentage of percentage thing, this 7.6% is almost twenty percent below the average total of female creators.

So, holding all those “The New 52” panels hostage while constantly harping about how DC needs more women while you were at the microphone really seems to have worked out, huh, Kyrax2? Don’t you know you were supposed to do the decent thing and walk up to the microphone and say “Mr. Didio, you’re really awesome! How’d you get to be so awesome?”, while shallowly breathing through your mouth to avoid smelling the other sweaty, latex clad superfans gathered in the aisle waiting for their turn to fawn at the throne?

14 down, 38 to go. Maybe DC thinks hiding the Mysterious Woman Of Mystery in every single DCnU #1 is raising the total number of women in its books. Maybe we’ll find out she could be any one of a set of octuplets. Cosmic octuplets. Cosmic octuplets who follow Booster Gold through space and time, because he’s from the future and he knows that it’s important for the future of humanity to up the number of women involved in DC and –

Oh, fuck it. Just come back next year and try again. I have money riding on this.

Action Comics #1: Look At This Fucking Super Hipster

EDITOR’S NOTE: There might be spoilers here. I will try to keep them out, but I am writing this hung over, so I guarantee nothing.

Okay, I will never rule out the possibility that I am a complete moron, but I’ve read Action Comics #1 three times now, and to save my soul, I CANNOT figure out how Superman knew about the bomb on the platform. Oh wait… this book was written by Grant Morrison. That explains everything.

Morrison has a habit going back at least to his JLA run where he seems to like to jump right into a sequence without any explanation as to the events that let up to that sequence. Unlike any other writer I can think of, he seems willing to say, “Look: this is a comic book. Does it really matter how Superman found out about the bomb? Why spend time showing him investigating and wandering around asking questions or seeing clues or any other explanation? You just want to see him try to STOP the bomb, right? RIGHT… okay, maybe I just don’t feel like writing the explanation. Write it, don’t write it, the check cashes just as easy.”

13 Problems But A Foot Ain’t One

Things will be quiet for the remainder of the broadcast day for one reason.

Okay, for thirteen reasons.

DC’s Crazy Stalker Girlfriend

You promised me Dave Matthews tickets in this timeline! And cuddling!

Who the hell is this chick? DC wants us to play Where’s Waldo and spot the crazy lady in each of the 13 issues of the New 52 that have been released this week, with plans for her to make appearances in each remaining #1. They’re whoring her out more than Ke$ha at a recording industry retreat, “Can a sister drop some mad rhymes on a random kinda celeb’s mixtape? What? Ke$ha. K-E-dollar si- Please? I’m so lonely.”

No one knows who she is, but theories range from some sort of new Harbinger to a gender swapped Time Trapper Keeper. To paraphrase Bill Cosby quoting another guy, “She’s in your home state! She’s outside your front door! And she’s coming to get you!”.

Publicity generator or monster in my closet: you decide! Also, I am not a hoarder.

Oh no! She found me!

Time to start smearing Jell-o and lighting my couch on fire. BRB.

Correlation != Causation

Marvel has a comic book. It’s called Alpha Flight.

It’s set in Canada. Wolverine’s from Canada.

Wolverine’s gonna be in Alpha Flight.

Jonah Hex In: A Good Jonah Hex Movie

One of my biggest fears when I heard about DC’s New 52 was that they’d use it as an opportunity to cancel some of their smaller books that never got the attention (or, honestly, the audience) that Batman and Green Lantern got, but that I really enjoyed, like Jimmy Palmiotti and Justin Gray’s Jonah Hex.

I don’t remember why I was so worried… oh yeah – because DC fucking cancelled Jonah Hex.

But I should have known that Jonah Hex is IMPOSSIBLE to kill (If the Goddamned movie couldn’t do it…)! DC’s kept Gray and Palmiotti on to script All-Star Western, which will be starring ALL of DC’s star western characters, including Jonah Hex, and…

Yeah, pretty much Jonah Hex.

This past weekend, DC released a motion comics trailer for the book, which you can see after the jump:

Scalping Batgirl

Bleeding Cool’s reporting that Batgirl #1 – which doesn’t even go on sale until tomorrow – is selling on eBay for ten bucks… which is more than triple the cover price.

Now granted, the book’s already sold out at the distributor level, but it’s already gone into a second printing (Which, if Justice League #1 is any guide, should turn around back into comic stores in a week or two), and again: IT HASN’T EVEN GONE ON FUCKING SALE YET.

This, of course, is not a problem for me, because when I heard this news I promptly emailed my local comic store owner, who knows me by name and asks after my general welfare when he sees me, and asked him to set a copy aside for me. Which I GUESS you could try with your iPad. It might respond. If it does, well… I’d say seek help, but the people sitting next to you on the bus while you whimper at your computer that you “Really want to get your hands on Batgirl” will probably make sure you get some whether you want it or not.

No, if you want an honest-to-God first print copy of Batgirl #1, your iPad won’t help you. But that’s understandable; if I’d ever taken my local comic store owner into an airline lavatory and made him perch on my lap while I masturbated, he wouldn’t help ME, either. (via Bleeding Cool)

From The Wilds of Hotlanta!

CNN’s newly formed geek culture blog, Geek Out! has been covering Dragon*Con this week. This is good because I can’t set foot in Atlanta since my last, tragic attempt at cosplay there which involved Jack Daniels, a General Sherman costume and a pack of Twizzlers. Possibly in front of the CDC. No. I’m not going to explain, what with the “pending charges” and the “gag order”, but suffice to say: this Yankee will stay up here, thank you.

It’s too bad though, because apparently I missed Carrie Fisher making out with a fan:

I’m going to go watch A New Hope and cry a little.

Bad Touch

Hey, who's got a job for the man? Anybody? Hello?

You know, just the other day I was thinking to myself, “Self? You know, no one’s cornholed our childhood recently. Isn’t it nice to sit down again?” Then I see on Fandango that Warner Brothers wants to reboot Beetlejuice and I have to go looking for my hemorrhoid donut again.

The reboot is part of a first-look deal signed by producer/director/writers David Katzenberg and Seth Grahame-Smith. As part of the deal, Grahame-Smith will write two scripts for Warner Bros., with the distinct possibility of Beetlejuice 2 being one of them. The duo collaborated on the MTV series The Hard Times of RJ Berger, based on a short film by Katzenberg about a well-endowed high school nerd.

Writing Big

Now to me, here’s some good news: Tony Daniel, the writer and artist on the DC Rebooted Detective Comics #1, did an interview with USA Today talking about how he’s writing some honest-to-Christ Batman whodunit stories, as opposed to stories about The World’s Greatest Caveman No Pilgrim No Why Is Batman Time Traveling Curse You Morrison Your Weed Is Laced Arrrgh.

The article has a bunch of art from Detective Comics #1. Check it out and come back…

Not only is Daniel apparently committed to doing some old school detective comics, he’s the first creator on a major DC book I’ve heard really taking advantage of the reboot to come up with some new villains: