An Asskicking By Any Other Name: Avengers Vs. X-Men #2 Review

Avengers Vs. X-Men #2 is a big old action movie of a comic book, where the first punch gets thrown by the second page and the hits keep on coming until we’re reminded by the last page that all this hot, sweet superhero-on-superhero action (wait, I think that came out wrong) is in service of a plot related to the Phoenix Force coming to destroy the world before the Avengers movie even has a chance to come out.

This book is filled with satisfying, balls-to-the-wall action… but it is also filled with overblown, florid and somewhat pretentious captions that read like a sixteen-year-old either trying to use his comics addiction for an easy C in Intro to Poetry, or to charm the Drama Club skank into turning a backrub into a front rub. But I’ll get to that in a minute.

If you’re looking for any kind of story advancement in this issue, you’re not gonna find much. The issue opens with the X-Men and The Avengers beating the unholy shit out of each other, and pretty much ends the same, with only the minor plot points of, “Yup, Phoenix Force… still coming,” and “Yeah, Hope… still getting jacked up on the Phoenix Force,” being advanced. If this was a modern Grandmasters’ chess game, this issue would be the equivalent of Bobby Fischer darkly muttering about Jews while some scabrous geek flips on the opposing IBM supercomputer.

Graffiti Artists, Assemble! – Live Stream Of Graffiti Event To Promote Avengers Movie

There’s a live art event to promote the Avengers movie going on in London right now. From the event’s Web site:

Don’t miss your chance to decide how graffiti artists create never-before-seen Avengers Assemble art in this exclusive global event. Vote via Twitter to determine which character assembles next – while graffiti superstar Alex Young from Addict brings the Avengers to life, live from London’s Old Street. Two characters will come to life every day from Wednesday April 18 – 21, streamed live from this channel.

CURRENT STATE OF PLAY
Already assembled: LOKI, THOR, IRON MAN, CAPTAIN AMERICA
In progress: THE HULK
Current leaderboard: #VOTEBLACKWIDOW – 73% | #VOTENICKFURY – 27%

HOW TO VOTE
To vote, simply tweet #ASSEMBLELIVE plus your favourite character #VOTEBLACKWIDOW, #VOTECAPTAINAMERICA, #VOTENICKFURY or #VOTETHEHULK. Follow on Twitter @assemblelive.

Check out the piece in progress, via livestream.com in real time, below:

Gotham State: Batman #8 Review

I have said before that the Court of Owls storyline in Batman has followed a familiar and well-trod path that was previously laid down in stories like The Cult: Batman is overwhelmed by an implacable foe and imprisoned. Batman is psychologically broken down. Batman escapes and returns to his cave to cower for a while. The villain that broke Batman begins to run amok in Gotham City. Batman mopes around and listens to The Shins until Natalie Portman teaches him what it’s like to really feel. Wait, something there’s not quite right… I meant Batman returns to his cave and snivels. I think. Maybe. Whatever.

Anyway, Batman #8 continues following that classic old chestnut of an arc by starting the part of the story where Batman locates and reattachs his balls, and begins his counterattack against the villain who broke him. Based on what has come before, both in this story arc and in the similar stories that preceeded and clearly inspired it, this is expected and as predictable as night following day or Natalie Portman being introduced in a meet cute in any movie in which she appears that doesn’t include ballet or lightsabers.

Just because it is predictable, however, does not mean that it is boring. Because Jesus Christ, this is an intense and fun comic book… provided you can stop yourself from saying with every page turn, “I read this when it was written by Jim Starlin, drawn by Bernie Wrightson, and Natalie Portman was meeting cute with French assassins and posssibly the occasional delighted sweaty ‘fan’  in a stained raincoat.”

Beware The Batman! Well, Duh…

Via TheBatmanUniverse.net, Cartoon Network has sent out details about it’s upcoming Batman series:

A cool, new take on the classic Dark Knight franchise, Beware the Batman incorporates Batman’s core characters with a rogues gallery of new villains not previously seen in animated form. Along with backup from ex-secret agent Alfred and lethal swordstress Katana, the Dark Knight faces the twisted machinations of Gotham City’s criminal underworld led by the likes of Anarky, Professor Pyg, Mister Toad and Magpie. Produced by Warner Bros. Animation, this action-packed detective thriller deftly redefines what we have come to know as a “Batman show.” Featuring cutting-edge CGI visuals to match the intricate twists and turns of the narrative, Batman steps out of the shadows and into the spotlight for an entirely new generation of fans. With WBA’s Sam Register executive producing, and Batman Beyond’s Glen Murakami and Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated’s Mitch Watson producing, Beware the Batman, based on characters from DC Comics, is coming soon to Cartoon Network!

There’s even a teaser trailer, slickly produced enough that the CGI gave me motion sickness:

The series has not been given a specific start date, but is anticipated to drop this fall or at the beginning of next year, as Cartoon Network did with its Green Lantern series this year.

Who Knows What Evil Lurks In The Sacks Of Men?

It is Wednesday, as it winds up being every week, no matter how loudly we pray on Fridays, or how little we remember our Saturdays. However, Wednesdays means two things: the beginning of the fatigue hysteria that will dog us until Friday night’s first beer, and more importantly: new comics! And not a moment too soon, given the generally disappointing nature of most of last week’s biggest books.

But, as Scarlett O’Hara – or perhaps Scarlett from G.I. Joe – said: “Tomorrow is another day… only today is tomorrow. Wait, what? Look, trails!” Either way, it means that this…

…means the end of our broadcast day.

But there’s some good shit there, huh? We’ve got the first issue of Garth Ennis’s The Shadow, the opening of Scott Snyder’s Night of The Owls crossover Batman event, Jonathan Hickman’s second Manhattan Projects, and a ton of other good looking stuff!

But before we can review any of them, we gotta read them. So, as always: see you tomorrow, suckers!

Unctous Sodomites And Vain, Pampered Whores: The Shade #7 Review

EDITOR’S NOTE: And one last brief review of one of last week’s comics before the comic stores open…

Looking back over this past week’s reviews, it seems like there wasn’t very much I actually liked. Which is a bummer, but just the way things go sometimes; some weeks you get journeymen turning in inspired craftsmanship, others you get dillitanates who are fucking around in the medium for the sheer, lunatic thrill of it.

Thankfully, The Shade is no dillitante… and neither is writer James Robinson, who is continuing via The Shade miniseries to channel the closest to a Jack Knight Starman story that we are every likely to see again.

Robinson is just over halfway through this 12-issue miniseries with this issue, and yet amazingly, it is not a bad place to jump on if you haven’t been reading from the beginning. Yes, it is mid story – even mid ministory within the series, which recalls adventures from the title character’s past – but Robinson gives the reader a three page recap at the start of the book, in the middle of a fight, to bring us up to speed. Which is valuable, and the kind of thing that I like to see in comics – I prefer a book that I can pick up and follow without having to hunt up back issues or old trades – although I’ll admit that the sequence is dialogue-heavy exposition.

America’s Got Rising Stars: America’s Got Powers #1 Review

America’s Got Powers is a book that is based on a simple and brilliant idea. That idea is J. Michael Straczynski’s Rising Stars.

Writer Jonathan Ross is a well-known BBC television host who has dabbled in writing comics (he wrote Turf for Image Comics last year), and who has gone on record for saying that he loves comics more than masturbation. Which is a bold statement; I personally buy about 30 comic books a week and spend more on them than I used to spend on my two-pack-a-day cigarette habit, but compared to the Happy Slappy? A distant second, my friend… although I must admit I sometimes read my comics with my left hand so it feels like a stranger’s reading them. But I digress.

Ross is writing about American popular culture from the point of view of a European, which means that he sees us from the lowest possible common demominator view: a sporting event and television-obsessed unthinking angry mob, who would not only happily watch and / or attend an event where people are beaten to unholy and crippled pulps, but would bring their children and buy them cheap plastic souveniers of the savagery. Note that I am not saying that Ross is wrong about us. However, it is a little insulting to hear that kind of broad generalization from a lime-sucking buck-toothed rampant practitioner of pubic school buggery. But I’m getting off point again.

Further Adventures In Digital Comics: The Gorilla, In The Panda Habitat…With A Candlestick? – Review Of Sanctuary #1-4

EDITOR’S NOTE – This review is on issues #1-4 of Sanctuary, by Stephen Coughlin and is based on preview copies forwarded to the Crisis Home Office by Mr. Coughlin. Also, there will be spoilers. Mystery solved!

When I examine my pull list, I have to admit that deep down I’m kind of a Capes and Cowls sort of girl. As someone who got back into reading comics by way of Transmetropolitan and Preacher, I didn’t think I was. But, lately, my weekly take skews heavy to The Big Two and The Big Two are mostly Flights and Tights. After that, I have a healthy chunk of Vertigo books, which tend to not be super powers books, but still generally have magic and weirdness. Following that are Image books, which could be about anything, but often deal with super powers though. Rounding out the pack are books from Boom Studios and small press (which, I guess you could say would include Boom, if only because it’s not Marvel or DC). Small press books tend towards the quirky and are less likely to be “traditional”, at least the ones I get. Maybe the protagonist is a talking teddy bear whose mortal enemy is the family cat. Or maybe the protagonist thinks he’s a superhero, but he’s really an oddly nigh invulnerable nut job who runs around in blue spandex doing more damage than good. Either way, for good or bad, my pull list tends toward the big established guys with their big established, practically heirloom, hero properties. Furthermore, my weekly take is also, entirely, physical paper copy.

Enter Slave Labor Graphics.

Ghost In The Machine: Buffy The Vampire Slayer Season 9 #9 Review

EDITOR’S NOTE: Into every generation a spoiler is born: one in all the world, a chosen one. 

The kid in me says: “You’ve been willing to accept the concept of a robot Buffy since at least season five. when the Buffybot was introduced. And then, you accepted that a Buffybot was built well enough to fool even close friends, and anatomically correct enough to satisfy Spike’s carnal desires, despite the inevitable sheet metal barbs always found in home robot construction. Why is it so unbelievable, should Buffy’s consciousness be placed into a Buffybot, that she wouldn’t notice the difference between the robot and her body?”

But then the grown-up in me says: “Even if I were unaware that my consciousness had been transferred into a robot, as a human being older than seven, I would notice if I hadn’t taken a dump for several weeks.”

Alan Who? DC Debuts Before Watchmen Interior Art At C2E2

This past weekend brought us the C2E2 convention in Chicago, “C2E2” of course being an acronym for “a convention that’s growing like a weed since it is now almost purely and theoretically impossible to attend SDCC.” And since DC Comics’s Before Watchmen titles begin dropping in June, several weeks before the Big Dance in San Diego, and since displaying comics-related righteous indignation would technically require Alan Moore to obtain a difficult-to-secure work visa, it was a perfect time for Dan DiDio to take advantage of the con to trot out the creators and show off some preview art.

Pretty much all the creators were on the panel – you can get a pretty decent first-person recap of the panel at Comic Book Resources – but two highlights were Nite Owl and Dr. Manhattan writer J. Michael Straczynski’s comments on Alan Moore’s… shall we say inchoate, snide rage over the entire project: