Revenge Of The Blot: Rorschach #1 Review

Considering how I felt about Brian Azzarello’s take on my favorite Watchmen character, The Comedian, I opened Rorschach #1 with my knife already out and sharpened. Considering how many plot and character liberties Azzarello has been taking with The Comedian, I opened this comic book fully expecting to see something like Rorschach battling Blofeld from SPECTRE in Munich while jockeying a rocketpack and firing his laser watch at the angry flying sharks. All while Rorschach weeps moronically while reciting Nietzsche to lolcats.

Turns out it’s not like that. Instead, Azzarello has made the connection that the Keene Act that stopped costumed adventuring in the Watchmen universe was passed in 1977, and New York City, where Rorschach was operating as a street-level crimefighter, was a terrible, terrible place in 1977. It was the New York of Taxi Driver and Son of Sam and a Times Square where a tourist could get fistfucked by a transvestite hooker instead of the retail markup at the Disney Store. It was a New York of grindhouse theaters, and Azzarello has given Rorschach a grindhouse story in which he can star. And God help me, it’s really pretty damn good.

Space Madness: Space Punisher #2 Review

I missed the first issue of Space Punisher for a few reasons, the biggest of which being that it was a book called Space Punisher.

Seriously: if all you know about the book is that it’s called Space Punisher, why would you buy it? At face value, it sounds like someone decided to fire the 616 Universe Frank Castle into space so he could try to kill the Guardians of The Galaxy or something, probably in the service of trying to get someone to give a tin shit about the Guardians of The Galaxy before Marvel Studios spends a hundred million bucks making a movie about them. It wasn’t until I saw Space Punisher writer Frank Tieri talking about the book at the Amazing Spider-Man panel at SDCC that I understood that this was an Elseworlds-style book, about an entirely different version of Frank Castle, who happened to be a starship captain. “Think Buck Rogers if Buck Rogers really screwed up,” Tieri said at the panel.

So I decided to give Space Punisher #2 a day in court, and sure enough: it’s about a version of The Punisher who happens to be in space. But the space setting is really the only thing different in the story, which is simultaneously a strength to the story, as well as its biggest problem.

New Arrow TV Trailer: Because We Need Our Live Action Supes Fix Post TDKR

In the lull that follows the movie industry’s summer blockbuster, nigh hangover inducing after the likes of The Amazing Spider-Man, The Avengers, and The Dark Knight Rises, television network CW releases the most recent trailer for its great fall season hope, Arrow. Yes, it’s a new take on Green Arrow. Marketing apparently thought dropping the “Green” would make it sound more bad ass or something. But it’s still got the bones of the familiar story. Oliver Queen has been trapped on a deserted island somewhere on the ocean, north of China, for five years. That’s long enough to grow some stylin’ facial hair, hone his archery skills, and develop a taste for those little crabs that live in tidal pools vigilante justice! CW shoehorns in Dinah Lance (that’s the eventual Black Canary to the five of you who might watch this that are unfamiliar with the comic book) as an ex-girlfriend. We may see Speedy in the form of a druggie sibling. Wonder if the druggie sibling is going to lose an arm and have a child with a super villain? Now that would be bad ass.

Anyway, check out the new trailer after the jump.

Animalistic Man: Deadpool Kills The Marvel Universe #2 Review

Editor’s Note: The house chimichanga contains carnitas, refried beans and tasty, tasty spoilers! 

This won’t be a long review, but it doesn’t have to be. Because Deadpool Kills The Marvel Universe #2 is just plain old big, stupid, violent fun. Sure, it’s fun with a conceit behind it that’s straight out of Grant Morrison’s classic Animal Man run from the 80s, but the straight lift doesn’t take away from what is a breezy, kill-em-all shoot-em-up.

This issue continues an Elseworlds-style story where experimentation on Deadpool has altered the nature of the voices in his head, changing them from a constant call for chimichangas and boobies to one to kill every pair of spandex pants in the Marvel Universe. On one hand, this actually leads to a less overtly humorous version of Deadpool – a lot of the fun in a normal Deadpool comic comes from his whacky and over-the-top internal dialogue, whereas here, the voices in his head say things like, “It doesn’t matter. They all have to die.” You know: boring, day-to-day repetitive shit like the voices in my head.

Occupy Comics: Archer & Armstrong #1 Review

Archer & Armstrong #1 is a book you’ll probably like if you spent a lot of time camping out during the Occupy protests, or if you’re an active commenter on Pharyngula, because it tells a story that reinforces everything you already “know”: Evangelical Creationist Christians are obese, easily duped tools of the wealthy who are actively conspiring to become even wealthier, even if it means destroying everything and everyone to do it.

It’s gonna be likable to that particular demographic the same way that hardcore American conservatives like Atlas Shrugged – it tells you what you want to hear… but like those Ayn Rand books, just because it gives you a warm, affirming fuzzy feeling about your personal life choices doesn’t mean it’s a good fucking story.

Casual Encounters: Spider-Men #4 Review

Editor’s Note: Seeing double? I got two spoilers, one for each of you.

You ever run into an old high school or college girlfriend that you broke up with? I have, and man, it sucks. There’s that whole moment of cognitive dissonance where your brain tries to match the person you knew years before with the older face and new haircut you’re seeing right now, and then you plaster on the fake smile and exchange overly loud and jocular greetings and exclamations of surprise at how long it’s been, and then you exchange stories of who you are now and the things you’re doing, and you promise to keep in touch while maybe exchanging email addresses that you know full well will never be typed into any browser, all the while dealing with the guilty knowledge that the reason it’s been so long is because you told her that you needed space… space to try to chuck the meat to that skank from UMass with the big knockers and the full liquor cabinet in her dorm room. And then you wander away feeling like you’ve had low-voltage elecro-convulsive therapy, and you spend the next day or so kinda moody and fucked-up, trying to get yourself back to normal equilibrium where you don’t feel like a long-term asshole. It’s a terrible experience; it’s one of the primary reasons you will catch me dead before you catch me on Facebook.

I know what you’re thinking: “Rob,” you’re thinking, “What in the ripe fuck does any of this have to do with comic books?” Well, all this emotion I’m describing comes from seeing someone you merely hurt by breaking up with them. Peter Parker, however, in The Amazing Spider-Man # 121, at best failed to rescue Gwen Stacy, if he didn’t accidentally kill her himself in a botched rescue attempt. So when Peter meets and interacts with the still-living Ultimate Universe version of Gwen in Spider-Men #4? I simply didn’t buy it. But we’ll get to that in a minute.

Loaded Deck – Review Of Gambit #1

Yesterday saw the release of Gambit #1, by writer James Asmus. Everyone’s favorite Cajun thief-who-also-has-the-convenient-mutant-power-to-explode-objects has had shots at two other on-going series since his first appearance in Uncanny X-Men back in 1990. Heightening his popularity was his on-again/off-again romance with fellow Southern mutant, Rogue. She couldn’t touch anyone without potentially robbing them of their lives and everything he touched had the potential to explode – how would they ever finally be able to do the dirty mutant boogie? It was a fun, soap operatic diversion from the Scott Summers-Jean Grey-Wolverine triangle, with 90% less angst and 100% likelier chance of exploding heads. How could you not get behind that storyline?

Since then, Gambit and Rogue have gone their separate ways and Asmus’s new story begins with the former thief trying to get his head around the man he is today. “A teacher? A security guard for mutant teenagers? Sympathetic ex-boyfriend?”, he ponders as the book opens. Those readers following the Rogue-centric X-Men Legacy (because they can’t just call it Rogue since books titled after chicks don’t tend to sell) have watched as Rogue has entered into an affair with Magneto and put the brakes on things with Gambit. A bad boy Gambit may be, but he’s still a decent human being and has tried to be as supportive of Rogue’s choices as he can. Still, sometimes it all gets to be a bit much. That’s when a man just needs to step out and cut loose, maybe indulge in a few old habits along the way.

So, will this pitch have legs to carry it as an ongoing series?

After the jump, stuff explodes with spoilery goodness!

Professionalism

Look, I’m not gonna lie to you: I’m a tad distracted this evening because I’m starting a new day gig on Monday. Which is not remarkable in and of itself, but what is remarkable is that my new boss called me today and said, “You need to get to know the guys. And that is best done over a serious amount of whiskey.”

Still, Amanda and I managed to get to the comic store before getting to the bar where we still currently are, and between the team-building boilermakers and these new comics…

…it means the end of our broadcast day.

But trust-building falls that I ignored in favor of Jim Beam or no, that’s a damn good take! We have a new Spider-Men, the first issue of Marvel’s new Gambit series, a new Before Watchmen book, and a ton of other good shit!

But before we can review any of them, we need time to read them. So until I’m done trying (and failing) to show my new employers that I’m not a reckless alcoholic….

See you tomorrow, suckers!

Waltos Demands Sequel Consistancy: Joss Whedon Signs For Avengers Sequel

And there came a day, a day unlike any other, when Earth’s Mightiest Frozen CEO awoke from his slumber and said, “Guys: don’t be dicks. The Avengers is the third-highest grossing movie since the invention of light. Why don’t we hire the guy that, you know… did that, and see if we can’t get lucky and only get a fraction of those profits and make only a third of a billion dollars next time around. Waltos… has… SPOKEN!” Then Waltos made out with death, fingerfucked Minnie, went back into his sarcophagus and lo and behold!

Joss Whedon was hired to write and direct Avengers 2.

Hard Lessons – Review Of Courtney Crumrin #4

Poor Courtney Crumrin. Just thirteen years old and already jaded, cynical, and so very, very alone. Sure, a lot of kids her age might argue that it’s not a burden with which they are unfamiliar, but they also most likely aren’t battling night creatures and learning magic at the knee of their ancient Uncle Aloysius. Wear all the ripped, black clothing and heavy eyeliner you’d like; you probably didn’t turn one of your classmates into a goblin. What are you bitching about?

Courtney Crumrin #4 wraps up the most recent arc spun by writer Ted Naifeh this past April. Courtney almost makes a human friend at school. Unfortunately, circumstances conspire to create supernatural obstacles for her yet again. Worse, the governing council that oversees the affairs of the coven of which she and her uncle are affiliated have finally had enough of Courtney’s disregard for coven law. Things are looking dire for our heroine.

Caution! Blood thirsty faerie wolves, mind wiping marshals, and spoilers abound after the jump!