Unexpected Milestones: Unbreakable 2 News, And Our 1,000th Post

This one’s about a bit of an obscure subject, considering that it concerns genre director M. Night Shyamalan, about whom the joke is now either, “The twist is that it turned out he sucked all along,” or perhaps, “I see dead careers,” if you’ve had a few drinks and you’re feeling mean… which I often am.

But I am going to indulge myself a little bit today, for the reasons that this very article constitutes Crisis On Infinite Midlives’s 1,000th post since our founding in September, 2011, and because Shyamalan’s 2000 movie Unbreakable is a movie with great personal significance to me, by reporting that Shyamalan is once again claiming that he might have a sequel or two to that movie in the works.

First, the facts: Shyamalan is doing publicity for the upcoming film After Earth, a movie about which, as was ably reported by Fox News’s Andy Levy on Twitter, Columbia Pictures has done yeoman’s work in not telling people Shyamalan directed it. And in the course of this press junket, Shyamalan (note to self: it’s “Shya,” like Shia LeBeouf only with a “y,” and then “malan.” Remember that and maybe you can type the guy’s name instead of pasting it over and over again) is consistently asked about the long-rumored sequel to Unbreakable, since asking after a sequel to Lady In The Water would be like asking the poor bastard if he has another suppurating chancre popping up in an uncomfortable place.

For years Shyamalan (Got it! And I didn’t have to backspace or nothing!) has teased that Unbreakable was actually just the first act of his original three-act screenplay, and that sequels might be coming. However, back in 2010, when Shyamalan was hyping The Night Chronicles – a series of urban horror movies that started with 2010’s Devil and then, well, kinda hasn’t gone anywhere beyond promises that the second will start shooting someday soon – he said that he had cannibalized the plot to one of the Unbreakable sequels for one of those horror flicks.

So that seemed like the end of that… but that was 2010, when the tone of the “What the fuck was that?” that people uttered leaving Shyamalan’s movies was still more impressed excitement than befuddled disappointment. With his last couple of movies being apparently work-for-hire projects servicing franchises or a megastar’s dream of his child’s movie stardom, Shyamalan’s tune about a second Unbreakable has changed a little bit.

80s Comic Book Movies: New Trailer For The Wolverine Released

Truly, the comics geek is living in a special, blessed time. When I was seventeen years old, my friends and I spent fully a year and a half looking forward to Tim Burton’s Batman to come out… because as hard as it is to believe, the last comic-book movie adaptation before that movie was Superman IV: The Quest For Peace in 1987. And before that? Yeah, Howard The Duck. To say that Hollywood wasn’t catering to our needs back then would be an understatement only surpassed by, “It was kinda breezy in Oklahoma yesterday.” *

But clearly it ain’t like that now. The summer movie season is only about three weeks old and we already have one big superhero movie out, with Man of Steel coming in June. Which is such a wealth of geek material that it’s easy to forget that we also have The Wolverine coming out July 26th. Well, there’s the wealth of material, and the fact that Wolverine: X-Men Origins kinda sucked.

However, 20th Century Fox doesn’t want you to forget, as they have released a new trailer for the movie. And it is proof that you shouldn’t forget, because this series of clips shows a bunch of sequences that look heavily influenced by the classic Chris Claremont / Frank Miller Wolverine miniseries from the early 80s.

Plus there is a giant, robot-looking samauri. Because shut up, that’s why.

Anyway, you can check out the latest footage after the jump.

“Princess Leia And Chewbacca Should Totally Do It” And Other Tales – Fans Give J.J. Abrams Star Wars Advice On Jimmy Kimmel

As Rob and I head out for a screening of Star Trek Into Darkness at our local theater, where they don’t quite know us by name but frequently tell us we can’t bring our own alcoholic beverages on site because of “the law”, we wonder how quickly the excitement of the Star Trek experience will wane and inevitably turn to speculation regarding J.J. Abrams upcoming turn as director of the new Star Wars sequels. Lots of fans are already wondering about casting and plot points. Some were even helpful enough to share their thoughts with him on a recent episode of Jimmy Kimmel Live. You may notice a recurring theme in their writing advice. Watch for surprise cameos at about the 2:20 mark.

I think my next Jazz-Dubstep fusion band project will be called “Nothing But Lando”. You’ve been warned.

Via io9

The Walking Dead: Set Pictures From The Amazing Spider-Man 2 Include Possible Major Spoiler

We’re a bit late to the party on this, but The Daily Mail, over in England, debuted some set pictures of Emma Stone on the set of The Amazing Spider-Man 2. And being an English, tabloidy, general news kind of site, they used their scoop to gush that Stone was dressing more maturely than she did in last year’s original movie, and how damn stylish she looked in a lime-green coat and a purplish mini dress, with some high boots.

The Daily Mail focused on this because they are an English, tabloidy, general news site, and are therefore catering to middle-aged women who want to see how celebrities are dressed, and young men who want to see tits on Page 2 (at least I think it’s Page 2. I am unsure because I am an American, and therefore get my pictures of tits the way God intended: from the Internet, within the context of hard core pornography).

Comic fans, however, looked at these pictures and saw something more. And that something more was a potential serious spoiler for the events of The Amazing Spider-Man 2. And if you are a long-time comic reader like I am, you have already figured out the potential spoiler just from the picture above… but in case you’re unsure and want to remain pristine for the debut next May, you can see what I’m talking about after the jump.

Demon In A Bottle In A Paper Sack: Iron Man 3 IS Tony Stark’s Alcoholism Story

Editor’s Note: It’s pretty much impossible to discuss the plot of the movie without, you know, spoiling it. So if you want to remain pristine on this, give this editorial a pass until you’ve seen Iron Man 3.

Ever since the news that Iron Man director Jon Favreau had hired Robert Downey Jr. to play Tony Stark in that first movie, there has been an implied promise that, at some point, we would see an adaptation of the classic Demon In A Bottle story arc in one of the Iron Man movies. Sure, Downey was an Academy Award winning actor, but in the early 2000s, he was better known as a reckless drug addict who spent as much time in front of a judge as he did in front of a camera. For good or ill, that history was part of why comic fans got so excited about Downey’s casting as Tony: when the time came to touch on the alcoholism story, it would be fronted by a guy who knew what it was like to lose damn near everything he cared about to substance abuse.

Well, Iron Man 3 is out. It is, as of this writing, the final turn as Tony Stark that Downey is contracted for (although if Kevin Feige has a brain in his Goddamned head, he will offer Downey anything he wants to do Avengers 2, up to and including Stan Lee’s left testicle), and from all advance reports, it was not going to be the Demon In A Bottle story that we’ve been hoping for since 2008 – hell, considering the very first thing we ever see of Tony Stark in any movie is his hand with a Goddamned drink in it, they might as well have promised it to us.

Well, having seen the flick, I can tell you that director Shane Black has excised almost all references to Tony’s drinking… and yet you should make no mistake: this is Tony’s long-awaited alcoholism story. The story fairly reeks of being a first-draft Demon In A Bottle story, with all the overt references to actual, you know, drinking, removed. But if you look for the signs, they’re there… like being around a dude in a nice suit and clean hair, but whose sweat smells faintly of Jack Daniels.

Intellectual Property Expansion: Marvel Studios News Roundup

It has been a big couple of days for news out of Marvel Studios – or at least potential news out of Marvel Studios.

First of all, it has been announced that Lee Pace has been hired to play the antagonist in James Gunn’s Guardians of The Galaxy, to which I think I speak for many of us when I utter a resounding: “Who?” And before you start: yeah, yeah; I know Pace played Thranduil in Peter Jackson’s The Hobbit, but I’m gonna go on record as not having seen it. We all know full well that Jackson will release a nine-hour extended version of the flick on Blu-Ray, and I’m holding out for that version. Anyway, it has not yet been announced exactly who the bad guy in Guardians of The Galaxy is going to be yet. With the reveal of Thanos during the credits of The Avengers, it doesn’t seem like Marvel Studios would shoot that wad just yet, but the Chituari are probably still floating around somewhere, as are the Kree (and what better way to introduce, say, Captain Marvel for Marvel Studios’ Phase Four?)… and considering Pace read for the Star Lord part, maybe we’re looking at Mar-Vell here. Or considering the presence of Rocket Raccoon, possibly a snap-on trash can lid.

Second: Marvel Studios’ President of Production Kevin Feige has confirmed that they have reclaimed the movie rights to Daredevil from Fox. Fox released the 2003 Ben Affleck version of Daredevil (and I still maintain that the director’s cut DVD version of that flick is at least a little underrated), and the terms of that deal stated that Fox had ten years to put a sequel or a reboot into production or lose the whole shooting match. And they came close – last year, director Joe Carnahan pitched a grindhousey version to be set in 1973 with a pretty damn cool-looking sizzle reel… that he then released online after Fox spiked the deal.

Keeping The Demon In The Bottle: Why Iron Man 3 Isn’t About Stark’s Drinking

Remember how the very first time we saw Tony Stark in Iron Man, he was holding a glass of scotch? And how he brought a portable bar to the weapons test? And how, in Iron Man 2, Tony got drunk, pissed in his own suit in front of God and everybody, and then blew up his own party? And remember how, as a comic book fan (which I presume you are if you came across this Web site), you were excited about all this groundwork being laid to seemingly eventually bring us a movie adaptation of the classic David Michelinie and Bob Layton arc from Iron Man, Demon In A Bottle, from back in 1979?

And do you remember how empowering it was to think that finally the general public would see a superhero that spoke to you – a stumbling, reckless drunk who is able to overcome being unable to perform basic motor tasks while packing a powerful repulsor… and by “repulsor,” I, of course, mean “personal odor”? You remember that feeling? Just me? Hello, is this thing on?

Anyway, whether you were hoping for a reproduction of a classic comic book storyline, or for a kids’ adventure movie that might lead to children pointing at you as you leave a bar and screech, “Iron Man!” rather than “Stranger Danger!”, you ain’t getting it in Iron Man 3, Apparently the corporate overlords at Disney were somewhat uncomfortable with the idea of a superhero movie where the most demanded tie-in action figure was the variant with “Action Vomit!”

Loki Walks Into A Bar And Throws Three Nails On The Desk: Tom Hiddleston Up To Play The Crow

It was a long night in Boston last night; between the cops putting the arm on the surviving Boston Massacre bomber right around the time they lifted the lockdown, and the cancellation of the Boston Comic Con (meaning we suddenly didn’t need to get up early this morning), well, much liquor was consumed.

So our energy levels are low today – and I swear, this will be the last time that we use the weirdness of the past six days to plead for anemic levels of content here (although we might come up with something else) – but we found this interesting item that is either really promising news for the movie, or a wretched and ill-advised portent of doom for the actor: apparently Tom Hiddleston, the guy who played Loki in Thor and The Avengers, is going out for a role in another superhero movie.

Problem is, that role is of The Crow, in the remake of the 1994 Brandon Lee movie of the same name.

Hoo, boy.

Thursday Night At The Movies: Patton Oswalt on Star Wars and Kick-Ass 2

It is yet another eventful evening in the Crisis On Infinite Midlives Home Office – tonight, we have a plumber in replacing the sink garbage disposal. You know, that thing mounted under your sink that is designed, meant and sold to grind small bits of kitchen detritus so it can be washed down the sink, thus leaving more room in the trash for beer cans? The device that has a big warning on it to keep your damn hands away from it unless you want to sharpen your wrist like a #2 pencil? Yeah, that shit the bed. On an egg shell. A bit of garbage so known for toughness and resiliency that they are sold in padded specialty containers, and if the bag kid at the grocery store puts them at the bottom of the bag, you’re allowed by Massachusetts law to bust him in the mouth with a sack full of canned goods.

So posting must be quick tonight, what with my needing to keep an eye on this guy in case he asks for assistance… and if he does, considering all I know about plumbing is its spelling, I will be forced to respond, “Sure… hows about I staple the back of your BVDs to your spine so I can stop seeing that stereotypical man-ass cleavage there, champ?”

So in the spirit of quick improvisation, we have a couple of videos for you, starting with Patton Oswalt on the set of Parks & Recreation, filibustering the city council by spending almost ten minutes explaining what the plot of Star Wars: Episode VII should be – including Marvel superheroes, the X-Men (yes, I know they are Marvel heroes, but tell movie rights holder 20th Century Fox that) and the homoerotic cast of Clash of The Titans. It’s some good, impressive and funny stuff – as you can tell by the poster Entertainment Weekly made based on selfsame improvised rant.

And if that’s not enough, well, someone leaked an extended, bloody battle scene from the climax of Kick-Ass 2. Both of which you can find after the jump.

Man Of Steel Official Trailer Hits Internet

Zack Snyder may have hit a home run with this movie. There is a moment in this trailer where you will believe that a man can fly – roughly at 1:55 in where Superman places his fist against the Arctic crust and leaves behind a crater as he shoots off from the Earth. And, Kevin Costner telling a distraught young Clark, “You are my son” after showing him the ship that brought him here may as well already have “For your consideration” captioned underneath it for Oscar voters. Seriously.

Enjoy!

Man Of Steel comes to US theaters on June 14, 2013.