Brain Bleach – Wolverine Gets Mercury Poisoning Edition

Hey, remember that time when Wolverine and Freddie Mercury teamed up to fight crime? Yeah, I don’t either. However, Crisis On Infinite Midlives own Lance Manion has passed along this wacky comic pitch that has recently gotten renewed play on both IO9 and Rolling Stone. While it didn’t get the unnamed artist a job with Marvel, it did get the attention of bullpen member, Steve Bunche, as he noted on his own blog:

During my years in the Mighty Marvel Bullpen (February 1990-October 1998), one of my favorite pastimes was collecting the frequently wacky and often downright insane letters and submissions sent in by Marvel’s readers and eager hopefuls who aspired to join the ranks of Chris Claremont and Frank Miller as comic book storytellers…Seriously, how the fuck does someone even make the leap in narrative logic from depicting Wolverine stalking through the forest to having him run into Freddie Mercury of Queen for no apparent reason? That, dear readers, is a sign of true creativity.

Indeed. I would like a kilo of whatever that kid was smoking to come up with that idea…and a crate of whiskey. Stat.

Meanwhile, for your viewing pleasure, here are the Muppets with their cover of Bohemian Rhapsody. Enjoy what remains of your weekend!

Graffiti Artists, Assemble! – Live Stream Of Graffiti Event To Promote Avengers Movie

There’s a live art event to promote the Avengers movie going on in London right now. From the event’s Web site:

Don’t miss your chance to decide how graffiti artists create never-before-seen Avengers Assemble art in this exclusive global event. Vote via Twitter to determine which character assembles next – while graffiti superstar Alex Young from Addict brings the Avengers to life, live from London’s Old Street. Two characters will come to life every day from Wednesday April 18 – 21, streamed live from this channel.

CURRENT STATE OF PLAY
Already assembled: LOKI, THOR, IRON MAN, CAPTAIN AMERICA
In progress: THE HULK
Current leaderboard: #VOTEBLACKWIDOW – 73% | #VOTENICKFURY – 27%

HOW TO VOTE
To vote, simply tweet #ASSEMBLELIVE plus your favourite character #VOTEBLACKWIDOW, #VOTECAPTAINAMERICA, #VOTENICKFURY or #VOTETHEHULK. Follow on Twitter @assemblelive.

Check out the piece in progress, via livestream.com in real time, below:

Geek Penthouse: Joss Whedon on Buffy Vs. Black Widow

If you’re anything like I am, you watched that teaser clip, from Joss Whedon’s upcoming Avengers flick, of Black Widow tied to a chair and still kicking the shit out of three or four guys and you wondered: “Why can’t I control when I get an erection? I’m a fucking 40-year-old man!”

However, if you’re anything like Amanda, you wondered who would win in a fight: the Widow, or Whedon’s most famous creation, Buffy The Vampire Slayer? I know she wondered this because she asked me while I was drafting the above-linked article; I sat quietly for a moment after her question, and after some intense consideration, I could only reply: “…I gotta go put on clean pants. New rule: don’t ask me about purely theoretical superhero girl fights. No, this does not supercede the existing rule to not ask me to solve complicated mathematical word problems in front of you and your friends.”

Thankfully, Whedon has responded directly to the question to USA Today, saving those of us wallowing in the realm of superhero geekdom the heartbreak of hours of heated bar debates, ill-advised and extended podcasts, and shameful and furtive midnight laundry sessions.

To wit:

I Hate It When This Happens To Me, Too

It’s Sunday. The question that is burning in the minds of ardent Game Of Thrones fans everywhere: will I make it until 9pm, so that I can watch tonight’s premiere? Because Winter may be coming, but my hangover is already here and I need to go back to bed. What? Just me? Ok. Meanwhile, here’s a little clip from Funny Or Die to help keep us going for the next four and half hours. Enjoy!

Save The Date: Morgan Spurlock’s Comic-Con Documentary Featurette

Some days move faster than others, and it has been a speedy one here at the Crisis On Infinite Midlives Home Office… and not necessarily in a good way. Any day that starts with waking up upright on the couch stinking of IPA with a copy of Wolverine spot-pasted to your forehead and ends with an emergency call to the dentist for a busted tooth is one best put to your back as quickly and quietly as humanly possible.

So let us move past today and look forward to better days… namely, San Diego Comic-Con. Which is still 107 days away (108 for you poor rubes without Preview Night passes, but either way: who’s counting, right?), but you can get an early taste from Morgan Spurlock’s upcoming documentary Comic-Con Episode 4: A Fan’s Hope. Which will be available in a limited theater release and via video on demand on April 6th. Which, given the day we’ve had, still seems too Goddamned far away, so to whet your (and our) appetite, here’s a short behind-the-scenes featurette on the flick, right after the jump.

Brain Bleach: Twilight Of The Horror Villain Edition

Oh, I just love that Matlock!

Good news, everyone! We no longer have any reason to be afraid. All those iconic, creepy bad guys from the movies of our childhood that kept us awake at night? Horror Vacui is a photography project in which make-up effects artist Carolina Trotta and photographer Federico Chiesa have reimagined the likes of Freddy, Jason, and Darth Vader in their twilight years. Just look at old fart Darth over there – the Force? Not so strong with him now that he’s on a diet of strained peas and Lipitor.

I suppose we might still have to worry about him being able to choke us out from across the room with his mind. But, that assumes he has enough of his faculties left to remember who he is. I’m guessing he’s at that adorable age where he gets lost from his house and turns up in a grocery store the next town over, wearing his robe and slippers and looking for his childhood friend, Kevin, because somehow his brain has him believing it’s 1934 and he’s seven years old. It’s ok though; we can fix this with pudding and cholinesterase inhibitors. And whiskey.

I will not "come play with you". In fact, I'm getting the hell off your lawn.

Although, that isn’t to say that once the creepy characters get old, they can’t get even more creepy in a variety of other ways. These twins are going to haunt my nightmares for the foreseeable future. I thought I gave up seeing inappropriately dressed old people when I stopped going to family reunions. I was wrong.

See more images of Big Bads in their declining years at Horror Vacui. See more old people dressed inappropriately at my step sister’s cousin’s wedding at the Fish And Game this July. But, you’ve been warned.

Via The Laughing Squid

Rebooted Origin: Conan O’Brien On Michael Bay’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Being a member of Generation X rather than Generation Y, the extent of my relationship with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is that it was an interesting little indie comic that effectively satirized Frank Miller’s ninja-focused Daredevil comics. So, not being of the appropriate demographic to have a feeling toward the classic TMNT children’s cartoon beyond it being that thing I watched sometimes when I was too hungover in college to change the fucking channel, I am not consumed by the sense of impending doom that some are feeling over the news that Michael Bay is producing a new TMNT movie.

However, being an American citizen in the early 21st century, I understand that Michael Bay has the reverse Midas touch; everything he touches turns awful. He made the Transformers – fucking toys, fer Christ’s sake – look shallow. He made Armageddon, and soon after the United States cancelled its manned space program. I am surprised that, in the wake of Pearl Harbor, that we didn’t retroactively lose World War II.

So I feel your pain… as does Conan O’Brien, who produced the short clip of “exclusive” footage of the upcoming Bay TMNT flick that’s actually quite funny, and which you can watch after the jump.

Love Makes You Weak – New Trailer For HBO’s Game Of Thrones

“The more people you love, the weaker you become.” At least according to Cersei Lannister, manipulative, incestous force behind the royal throne in Game Of Thrones. All the cast members you grown to love (or hate – Sansa Stark, I’m looking at you) are back, along with some new ones as well. Look for Carice Von Houten as Melisandre this season. According to this Game Of Thrones Wiki she is:

…a priestess of an eastern religion which is little-known in Westeros. She visited the island stronghold of Dragonstone and has become a close advisor of Stannis Baratheon and his family.

Also joining the cast in episode one of the second season will be Natalie Dormer as Margaery Tyrell, daughter of another royal family who will get in on the fray. The plot, truly, does thicken. Here’s the new trailer:

DC’s Saturday Morning Cartoons Inspire My Inner Child. She Is 12.

This morning, over on Cartoon Network, publisher DC is launching its DC Nation cartoon programming block, starting at 10:00 A.M. EST. According to USA Today, this programming will consist of

…superhero shows Green Lantern: The Animated Series and Young Justice, behind-the-scenes looks at its DC comics and Warner Bros. screen projects, and a series of shorts starring Plastic Man, Doom Patrol, Teen Titans and Aardman Animation’s take on various heroes and villains.

 
We’ve talked about this launch back in November, with the full trailer here. As a die hard fan of The Wrong Trousers, I was the most excited about the Aardman Animation stuff. An extended look at the Aardman Animation take on the DCU has been released:

 
Having watched the Green Lantern cartoon debut last year, this programming block is definitely a reason to get excited about Saturday morning cartoons again. It also makes me wish I could get my hands to stop shaking long enough to draw something that doesn’t resemble a stick figure in the throes of molecular disintegration. If only there was a way to become a cartoon illustrator, without any actual talent beyond the ability to craft a really stellar dick joke…
 
Can technology provide me with the solution to my illustration woes? Find out after the jump!

Avengers Apparently Assemble Earlier In UK Than US

The most recent trailer for The Avengers is out of the United Kingdom, where the movie will be opening on April 26, 2012. Check it out:

I don’t know about you, but I’ve learned that, other than the drinking, I share a lot of other traits in common with Tony Stark. For example, I’m a multi-billionaire that can shoot repulsor blasts from my palms. As far as you know.

The Avengers hits theaters in the US on May 4, 2012. Meanwhile, according to IMDB most of the rest of the developed world will get to see it sometime between April 25-27, 2012.

It’s official, the United States is no longer number one.