Missing Keys

Normally on a Wednesday, I sit down on the couch in front of my convertible tablet and write about the week’s comics within the context of some other thing that’s happening in our world or the world in general. Unfortunately, the thing that is happening in my world is that Crisis On Infinite Midlives mascot, Parker The Kitten, has fucked my tablet up beyond almost all repair.

Just to type this paragraph, I have needed to learn to pound on the “v”, “x” and space bar due to damage done when Parker knocked the keyboard on the floor, which not only makes general writing difficult, but has totally fucked my ability to complete my Star Trek: The Motion Picture slashfic opus about Sex V’ger.

So this will be a short update – somewhat fitting, as since it is a holiday week in the United States, it is a short work week and therefore a short comic take – but it is Wednesday, which means that this…

…means the end of our broadcast day.

So there are not a ton of new books this week, but there are some good ones. First off, there is the final issue of Mark Waid’s and Chris Samnee’s Daredevil (you know, until it is relaunched, set on the west coast, in the immediate future), the second issue of the Nathan Edmondson-written Punisher relaunch, new issues of Justice League and Justice League of America, and a reasonable amount of other cool stuff!

But you know the drill: before we can talk about any of them, we need time to make the se in the agina!

Er, I mean we need time to read them, and to order a new convertible tablet with a working keyboard. So until that time…

…see you tomorrow, suckers!

There Will Be Trouble

There is a problem with the Robocop remake, beyond the fact that there is a Robocop remake. I will explain.

I love Robocop. Specifically, the original Robocop. The original Robocop came out when I was 16 years old, and was a revelation of fun science fiction combined with smart satire and wicked dark humor. And I know that Robocop 2 and Robocop 3 get a bad rap for paleing in comparison to the original, but keep this in mind: those maligned sequels are movies written by Frank Miller. And not the 21st Century, “I fear turbans and get off my lawn” Frank Miller, but the “I just wrote The Dark Knight Returns and Batman: Year One and helped redefine comics for two generations” Frank Miller. So for a couple of movies to be written by that guy, at that time, to be considered abysmal failures? It just means that the original is that fucking good.

It’s good enough that I’ve had Robocop on my pull list for years, even through some really bad Robocop comics. And I want to keep Robocop on my pull list, as I’m enjoying the Steven Grant adaptation of Miller’s original draft of the Robocop 3 script, Robocop: Last Stand. But there is a remake of Robocop. And that means that Boom Studios has the license to print comics about a new blockbuster movie about some dude who isn’t also Buckaroo Banzai, but who also calls himself “Robocop.”

I’m not sure I want comics about the new Robocop. And yet, I don’t know how I can communicate that fine line of difference to the owner of my local comic store, where they know me by name and ask me to stop bitching about Robocop unless I want to repeat my tales of woe to Localcop.

But maybe I’m overreacting. Maybe there’s some merit to this new version of Robocop, which will make me want to read Boom’s new Robocop: To Live And Die In Detroit. Or maybe not. But either way, it is a new comic, which means that this…

…means the end of our broadcast day.

But whether Robocop is any good or not, there are a lot of good-looking books in this pile. There’s a new issue of Batman, a new Fatale, something called The Royals: Masters of War written by Rob Williams (who I think is a good comic writer, despite being a crappy Robocop writer), a new The Walking Dead, and a bunch of other cool looking stuff!

But you know how these things are: before we can even think about talking about any of them, we need time to read them. So until then…

…I’d buy that for a dollar!

Er, I mean: see you tomorrow, suckers!

A Leaf On The Wind

This has been one of those weird weeks. It is yet another week where the mercury on the thermometer hasn’t crept much about 20. Because of that, birds have nested in the vent leading to our bathroom fan. I know this because when I turned it on, I heard a terrible banging sound and a loud chirping. This means that I am now waiting to see if the little thing made it out of harm’s way safely, or if blood begins sinking into the bathrooom ceiling from above. And if it does, it will mean even more damage to the place, because Crisis On Infinite Midlives Home Office mascot Parker The Kitten will claw through every wall in the place to get to it.

And on top of it all, is was a weird week at the comic store. There are a lot of books, and even a lot of books that look pretty good… but not a lot of standouts, you know what I mean? There’s a few DC annuals, a few regular issues of some old standbys, but not a lot of, “holy shit!” books in the pile. That said, there’s weeks like that.

But with that said, any day with new comics is a decent one. Which means that this…

…means the end of our broadcast day.

But even though it isn’t a spectacular week, that doesn’t mean there there isn’t some good stuff in there. There’s a new issue of Saga (which is never a bad thing), another chapter in the really very entertaining Cataclysm crossover, a new issue of Guardians of The Galaxy (featuring the first part of The Trial of Jean Grey), and the one that excites me most: the first issue of Serenity: Leaves on The Wind, which is the first honest-to-Christ sequel to the Serenity movie!

But you know how this works: before we can talk about any of them, we need a little time to clean up the guts, restrain the cat, and read the comics. So while we do that…

…see you tomorrow, suckers!

Touch Me I’m Sick

Guatemalan Snot Plague has descended upon the Crisis On Infinite Midlives Home Office. I consider this to be my own fault. I went out of my way to obtain a flu vaccine at the beginning of autumn, and feeling somewhat protected from the ravages of winter illness, I spent weeks licking doorknobs after stealthily finishing the beers of strangers in bars. It seemed like a good idea while I was… actually, no it didn’t. I feel shame. Terrible aching, chills and shame. But that’s not the point.

The point is that, between the Plague and having to wander out into yet another Polar Vortex-fuelled frigid night in Boston, neither Amanda nor I have the energy to do much more than lean back on the couch with a stack of new comics, without thinking about any of them in much more depth than it takes to mutter, “It’s fun to watch dudes get kicked. Kicked right in the face. Hee.”

But that stack is one of new comics, which means that this…

…means the end of our broadcast day.

But there are some cool looking books in there with which to while away the invasion of my precious bodily fluids by Godless commie bugs who want to seize the means of mucous production. There’s the first issue of All-New Invaders by James Robinson (who has been known to breathe new life into Golden Age-era heroes for DC), a new issue of Batman, a new Walking Dead, and even an X-Files crossover with Ghostbusters by IDW, which is a no-brainer for a cool crossover that I can’t believe I never thought of as far as I’m concerned and sounds like about the right level of pure fun for a night when my brain would like to vacation away the sea of goop in which it is currently wallowing.

But you know how this works: before we can talk about any of them, we need to stop wishing for the sweet release of death and start reading them. So assuming we don’t die…

…see you tomorrow, suckers!

A Dream Of Snow And Fireballs And Bourbon

Once upon a time, early in the Year of Our Lord 2001, back when a man could get on an airplane with a Zippo lighter, Marvel Comics was just coming off of bankruptcy, and the only geek and comic subculture crossover into the mainstream happened in niche rooms of progressive Reno brothels, this particular longtime comics stalwart decided it was time to catch up on Alan Moore’s Miracleman.

At that time, it was easier said than done. To accomplish it, I had to visit five different new comic stores – including the store that would eventually become my local comic store, where they now know me by name, but at the time asked me if I understood that licking the back issues would make the Overstreet guide price look like a wino’s desperate compromise – and participate in a drunken Friday night eBay auction (“Click to overbid best current bid by $.01 dollars to a maximum bid of $43,000,000 dollars“) to make it happen.

The process took months, but eventually I wound up with every issue of Eclipse Comics’ Miracleman,, plus all three issues of Miracleman: Apocrypha, and Miracleman 3D, along with the second trade paperback: The Red King Syndrome. That idle decision to real all of Miracleman took about a year and cost me hundreds and hundreds of dollars.

But that was a decision made in 2001. It is now 2014. And if you want to catch up with Miracleman? You just go to my local comic store, where they know me by name and ask me to remember that I’m a sucker.

Which is to say that Alan Moore’s Miracleman is back in print for the first time in about 20 years, and that this…

…means the end of out broadcast day.

And yes, Miracleman #1 is the big take of the week. But there’s also a new issue of Gravel by Mike Wolper, a new Ed Brubaker / Steve Epting Velvet, the latest Dan Slott The Superior Spider-Man, and a bunch of other cool stuff!

But before we can even consider talking about any of them, we need time to read them. So while I go through the restored Miracleman #1 to see if someone has made it less obvious that some other person whited-out “Marvelman” and hand-wrote “Miracleman” in all the word balloons…

…see you tomorrow, suckers!

New Beginnings of The End All Over Again

Now this is a strange week of new comics. On one hand, we have the standard stack of new, expected books – your new Swamp Thing, your new The Walking Dead, and your new Dark Horse published and Brian Wood written Star Wars (which you should enjoy for the next 346 days while you can). And while these all look like good books, there is nothing unexpected or odd about them.

But on the other hand, there are a few books that are simultaneously new, and yet old. For example, my recent back issue cataloging shows that, over the past three or so years, I have more consecutive issues of Peter David’s X-Factor than almost any other comic. And yet even though that series ended a few months ago, this week we have a brand-new X-Factor #1 by David like that previous conclusion never happened. And while we are moving into Batman’s 75th anniversary (we determined this by counting months from the original Detective Comics #27 publication date this evening at my local comic store, where they know me by name and ask me to avoid doing math in the store whether I call myself Heisenberg or not), it seems odd to be able to buy a copy of Detective Comics #27 for only eight clams. And even odder to see Frank Miller’s art on the cover and to find myself saying, “Huh… how old is Frank? Yeah, remind me to quit drinking before then.”

However, while it seems that there is a strange mix of the normal new and the forced nostalgic this week, they are all new comics, and that means that this…

…means the end of our broadcast day.

But regardless of the weird new stuff that seems to have been here for years, there is some new stuff that also means the end. In particular a couple of new issues of Cataclysm, the possible end of Marvel’s Ultimate Universe, as well as one of the final issues of Hurwitz’s Batman: The Dark Knight. Plus a bunch of other cool stuff!

But you know the drill: before we can talk about any of them, we need time to read them. So…

…see you tomorrow, suckers!

Small Offering Of Gifts Before The Fat Man Arrives

As I type this, NORAD tells me that Santa is rounding the edges of Senegal. Rob is off visiting his parents in Central Florida. I hear he narrowly survived a trip to a local Walmart. Narrowly. Did you know that Super Walmarts have a whole grocery store section? Did you know those grocery stores sell produce? Kumquats, for example. Rob learned this today. His parents also learned not to take him to a Super Walmart that sells kumquats because, in the fatigue hysteria that follows him after air travel, Rob will run around the produce section shrieking, “Look, Ma! Kumquats!” until he causes all the other Rascal Scooter bound patrons to begin to reach for their nitroglycerin pills and Jitterbugs, with their big red 911 button. So, basically, once. I hear that he and his family are out riding around “looking at Christmas lights in the neighborhood”, but I think that’s code for “finding proper sedation”.

This leaves me to tell you that this…

…is the end of our broadcast day. As you can see it’s a small take this week, as there were not many releases. But, there are a couple interesting things there. The Doctor Who Special 2013 is out, just in time for the Doctor Who Christmas episode tomorrow. Kieron Gillen and Adam Kubert’s Origin II, the next chapter in the the Wolverine backstory is out. Avengers: Rogue Planet #1 from Jonathan Hickman and Esad Ribic and Justice League #26 from Geoff Johns and Ivan Reis round out the take.

I had thought to put up a review of Origin II #1 up tonight, but, after reading the issue, I want to give it at least another issue to see where it’s going to go. I’m in the camp that was underwhelmed by Paul Jenkins’s much hyped Origin. I get that the character is wildly popular and will move a lot of units, regardless of the what story they actually come up with, and I’m sure Marvel is happy to capitalize on that, but with every new marketing opportunity story, you run the risk of over exposure. However, Gillen is a very talented writer, who has done great things with B list titles like Journey Into Mystery, so I’m willing to give him the benefit of the doubt for now. Issue #1 is not a bad read and Kubert’s art is solid, so, go ahead and grab the issue if you were interested in the series, but on the fence.

Anyway, even with that one issue down, you all know the rest of the drill. Before we can review them, we have to read the rest of them. Merry Christmas to those of you that are celebrating tomorrow. I’m off to give myself a hangover in preparation for the upcoming day’s festivities.

They Say It’s Your Birthday

Gotta keep things short today, because it is my Co-Editor Amanda’a birthday. She is Editor’s Note: If you tell people my age, I will divide it by 10 and chop that many inches off your junk, Rob. -Amanda years old today, which means that she gets whatever Italian food she wants, and an evening of movies that do not feature lead “actor” Jason Statham.

So writing time is limited, but since this is Wednesday, that means new comics… for the last time in 2013. Because of Christmas and New Years falling on Wednesdays this year, new comics will be released on Tuesday for the next two weeks. But Christmas is not my concern today, a birthday is, but either way: this…

…means the end of our broadcast day.

And there are many good comics there (not necessarily including the next two point issues of The Amazing Spider-Man, which are apparently nothing but banked file filler stories left over in case Dan Slott fell behind in 2011… and which are really not very good. Let’s put it this way: last week’s The Amazing Spider-Man #700.2 was the worst Spider-Man story I’ve read since Easy Reader was introducing Spider-Man stories), but nothing is more important to me than Locke & Key: Alpha #2, which is the final issue of that series. And if there is a single comic that I have discovered and fallen in love with since we started this crappy little rag in 2011, it’s Locke & Key. So while I’m sad to see it go, I’m psyched to see how it ends.

But that’s not all; there’s also a new issue of Saga, The Superior Spider-Man, Daredevil, and a bunch of other cool looking stuff!

But you know how this works: before we can talk about any of them, I need time to load Amanda up with antipasto, gnocchi and limoncello, hold her hair back while she yenches, wake up hung over, and then read them. So until that last dry-heave…

..see you tomorrow, suckers!

Sack Full of Surprises

It has been a hectic week here at the Crisis On Infinite Midlives Home Office. Our new mascot, Parker The Kitten, has taken a lot of our attention this week after his elective surgery – the type of elective surgery of which no man likes to contemplate. So my co-editor Amanda and I were looking forward to a nice relaxing visit to our local comic store, where they know me by name and ask me to not discuss elective surgery of the type no man likes to contemplate, to check out some new comics without having to think about Parker.

Yeah, that didn’t work out.

Yes, that is the latest volume of Darwyn Cooke’s adaptation of Richard Stark’s Parker novels, Slayground. Which, other than being the namesake of our new mascot, is some damn good comics based on some damn good books.

But more importantly than being good, that book is new. And that means that it, and these…

…mean the end of our broadcast day.

But there are some good-looking books in that pile. The one I’m most excited for is Justice League 3000 – a new Justice League book by 80s Justice League writers Keith Giffen and J. M. DeMatteis – but there’s also Justin Jordan’s new Dead Body Road, new issues of Justice League, Justice League of America and Batman, and a bunch of other cool stuff!

But you know how this works: before we can talk about any of them, we need time to examine Parker’s scrotum for leakage (God, this has been a weird week), and time to read them. So while we’re doing that…

…see you tomorrow, suckers!

More Greek Than Italian

So the big mainstream comic news today is that someone named Gal Godot has been cast as Wonder Woman in the upcoming Zack Snyder-directed sequel to Man of Steel, Batman Vs. Superman (or whatever it will wind up being called). Godot was an Israeli Miss Universe contestant who turned model while turning Israeli soldier before going full Fast And Furious for a few movies and finally landing the role of Princess Diana.

Which is fine and which is good, because God knows that its about time that the final remaining leg of DC Comics’s Big Trinity gets an actual movie role… except it is potential terrible news for actual comic fans. Not because of the casting – I have no idea if Godot can or cannot act – but because of Wonder Woman’s role in a movie that Snyder announced at this year’s San Diego Comic-Con with a quote from Frank Miller’s The Dark Knight Returns.

Because if Snyder intends for his next movie to even remotely follow Miller’s Dark Knight plot, well, Diana’s first appearance is in The Dark Knight Strikes Again, and it is only pretty much to fuck Superman stupid somewhere up in the sky (“It’s a bird! It’s a plane! No, it’s… a bird. Or at least something the color and general viscosity of bird poop just hit me in the eye. Bird poop that smells like bleach.”) somewhere between superhero wanna-bes and Dick Grayson being, well, a dick. It’s not a good move for the Wonder Woman brand, is what I’m saying.

But that is movie news. Which is well and good, but it is, after all, Wednesday. Which means that there are new comics, and no matter whether the movie version of Wonder Woman is a sky-fucking skank or a Mossad secret agent, it means that this…

…means the end of our broadcast day.

But there are some good looking books there, huh? There’s the first J. Michael Straczynski issue of Terminator: Salvation, the latest issue of The Superior Spider-Man, the latest issue of Think Tank (which really is the best comic book you’re probably not reading), another issue of Marvel’s Ultimate Universe Cataclysm event, and a bunch of other stuff.

But you know how these things go: before we can talk about any of them, we need time to read them. So while we do that…

…see you tomorrow, suckers!