Hurm.

Rorschach’s Journal, June 6, 2012: Classic comic carcass on top of pull pile this evening. This industry is afraid of me. I have seen its true face. George Washington’s face. The comic stores are extended quarter bins and the quarter bins are filled with 80s nostalgia and when the bins finally go five for a buck all the indie books will drown. The accumulated greed for another classic comic will foam up inside their pants and all the DiDios and Lees will look up and shout, “This is a tribute to Moore!” And I’ll look down and whisper, “What’s his cut?”

All of which is a long way to go to say that this week’s new comics brings us Minutemen by Darwyn Cooke, the first issue of DC’s long-gestating Before Watchmen, and further that this…

…means the end of our broadcast day.

But it’s not all Before Watchmen today, kids. We’ve also got a new Avengers Vs. X-Men,a Garth Ennis The Boys, a Red Lantern crossover in Stormwatch, a Jamie Delano Crossed: Badlands, and a bunch of other…

Yeah; Minutemen is kinda the money shot this week. Be it in the good sense, or the bukkake sense.

But until we can tell you, first we need time to read them. So until then: see you tomorrow, suckers!

All Filler, All Killer

It’s the New Comics Day of Memorial Day week here in the United States, and in my experience, that leads to a truly shitty week of new comics. It means a short, truncated take after a bunch of regular books punt off by a week so that comic creators can relax and attend what I call the Lynchburg, Tennessee Comic Convention, while we normal comics fan are stuck with a small pile of what appears to be mostly annuals by second-string creative teams.

And on paper, this week’s take appears to be no different that prior years, what with at least two different DC annuals, along with one by Marvel. And to add (potentially) insult to injury, the owner of my local comic store, where they know me by name and ask me not to show the paying customers my definition of a “small pile,” threw in a complimentary promo poster of J.G. Jones’s Before Watchmen drawing of The Comedian in a gimp mask to make my take look less anemic.

So on paper, things sound dire for this week’s take, but for good or ill, this…

…means the end of our broadcast day.

But you know something? For a week that is normally a time-waster, I can only say that, of the three books I read at the bar, not one of them wasn’t one of the best books I’ve read in months. From a new The Walking Dead, to the new Bendis / Oeming Powers (which is the best issue of that book in literally years), to the Scott Snyder written Batman annual, which gives us the traditional origin of Mister Freeze, only with a truly interesting and satisfying twist, there are some damn good books here. Chuck in an Animal Man annual,  a new Angel & Faith and personal favorite Rocketeer Adventures, and we have a damn good, if smaller than usual, take of comics this week.

But before we can review them, we need time to read them (and also to dry out). So until then: see you tomorrow, suckers!

Feets Don’t Fail Me Now

Things are a bit busy today here at the Crisis On Infinite Midlives Home Office. Between an upgrade we need to run on a major site component on the Web server, and putting the finishing touches on our application for press credentials for San Diego Comic-Con, we are simply balls-out today.

So please forgive any outages you might see as we run the overhaul, and in the meantime, here’s the latest released television spot for The Dark Knight Rises, as well as three banner posters recently released by Warner Brothers for the flick.

And not only that, but we’ve got a sooper seekrit hidden The Dark Knight Rises one-sheet poster that could only be found by scanning the QR code at the bottom of one of the official one-sheets WB released last week. It’s a different kind of image than we’ve seen associated with the movie, and one that should appeal to foot fetishists and… well, probably just foot fetishists. Let’s just say somewhere, Quentin Tarantino is probably taking a break from firing off the cast of Django Unchained to look at this poster to do a completely different kind of firing off.

All are available after the jump.

Curiouser And Curiouser…

It has been a busy day at the Crisis On Infinite Midlives Home Office, what with trying to get into the recently popular comic spirit and deciding which of our contributors will be turning gay (the smart money’s on Lance Manion, but I have a fiver on Trebuchet).

But time waits for no comics geek, so regardless of our handicapping of which member of the masthead is most likely to change teams, it is Wednesday, which means that this…

…means the end of our broadcast day.

But it’s a pretty decent week, huh? There’s yet another solid-looking Jamie Delano Crossed: Badlands, a ton of new DC stuff (including Jeff Lamire’s first issue of Justice League Dark), and the continuing Spider-Man: Ends Of The Earth story!

But before we can review any of them, we gotta read them. So until that time:

See you tomorrow, suckers!

Avengers Is A Dish Best Served Super Sized

I don’t know if you heard, but there’s an Avengers movie out! You know how I can tell? No, not the big Nikki Frinke articles about the eleventy billon dollar box office or the rumors that Joss Whedon won’t be returning for the sequel or the disturbing knowledge that you can’t drink a Dr. Pepper between now and the release of The Dark Knight Rises without putting your mouth disturbingly close to a picture of The Hulk’s crotch.

No, I know because when I walked into my local comic store, where they know me by name and ask me to remember that just because I call it Mjolnir doesn’t stop it from being felony indecent exposure, I saw at least four comics with the word “Avengers” in their title. There was plain old The Avengers, Avengers Vs. X-Men, Avengers Vs. X-Men: Versus, and Avengers Academy. Next week I will look forward to Avengers Beach Party, Desperate Avengers, and Avengers Jovengers Banana Fana Bovengers.

But that is (theoretically) next week. This week, the fact that I saw that many Avengers books means new comics, which means that this…

…means the end of our broadcast day.

But it’s a sweet looking week for comics. Not only is there a metric plethora of Avengers Vs. X-Men books, but a new Brian K. Vaughn Saga, Garth Ennis Shadow, Jim Lee back on pencils for Justice League, and a bunch of other cool stuff.

But as always, before we review them, first we need time to read them. So for the moment: see you tomorrow, suckers!

Failing Up

Apologies for the lack of substantive updates today, but the hangovers at the Crisis On Infinite Midlives Home Office have been truly crippling today. Oh sure, last night started as a quiet evening of chamommile tea and comic book study… but then one of us, which one of us exactly is forever lost to the fog of time and mid-range blended scotch, but one of us…

One of us remembered that this week was Rob Liefeld’s first issue of Deathstroke.

But New Comics Day waits for no hangover, so disappointing personnel change in a personal favorite book of Amanda’s or no, we butched up, hit our local comics store, where they know me by name and ask me to stop asking the paying customers if they “want to see my Deathstroke,” which means that this….

…means the end of our broadcast day.

Still and all, looks like it was worth the stagger out. We’ve got a new issue of Brubaker’s and Phillips’s Fatale, a new story arc in The Walking Dead, a Bendis   Deodato New Avengers…

And yes, the first Liefeld Deathstroke. While I don’t want to be prejudiced, I’m guessing that’ll be our “They’re not all gonna be Picassos” issue of the week.

But before we can review them, we need time to read them. And for the dry heaves to stop. So until then…

See you tomorrow, suckers!

How Can You Keep Them Down At The Comic Store Once They’ve Seen…

How can anyone be expected to give a shit about comic book superheroes when The Avengers movie opens in America on Friday?

(Recognizes cognitive dissonance) (Head explodes)

But impending comic movie geekgasm or no, it is still Wednesday, which means new actual comics, and which further means that this…

…is the end of our broadcast day.

But it is quite a week leading into Free Comic Book Day, ain’t it? There’s Round 3 of Avengers Vs. X-Men (Where Cyclops bites Captain America’s ear off. Or not), DC’s debut of Earth 2 (Featuring 100% of the Power Girl with nearly 0% of the cleavage), a new Daredevil and the first Peter Milligan-written Stormwatch, and a bunch of other good stuff!

But before we can review any of them, we need to read them. So until that time (Minus noon to 2 p.m. on Saturday, when we will be 3D-glasses blind watching Hulk Smash Loki)…

See you tomorrow suckers!

She’s Coming Apart, Captain!

Crisis On Infinite Midlives is going through some much-needed site maintenance. Over the next several hours, you might see some of what we in the computer business technically refer to as “weird shit.”

We apologize for any inconvenience, and remind you that if you don’t like it, you can feel free to fuck off and start your own comics Web site.

Son, We’ve Always Got Room For A Goon

If you’re anything like we are here at Crisis On Infinite Midlives, your day job life is filled with high-tensioned deadlines for shit that was due at the end of first quarter, that is now being shoveled into your lap by your boss who hopes that no one notices that they were asleep at the switch at the end of March… and by “end of March,” we, of course, mean “Secret Service Slush Fund ‘Approved Without Review’ Button” (In the interest of full disclosure, I have been out drinking with 1/3,200 of the Secret Service, and I puked on the sidewalk like I wasn’t being escorted by someone trained to take a bullet for a staggering drunk (Hi, President Bush!)).

But it is Wednesday, which means: fuck all that! Because it is New Comics Day, which means that this…

…means the end of our broadcast day.

But look at that take! There’s The Goon, which makes any week a Goddamned good week. Chuck on top of that an issue of Mark Millar’s Super Crooks, the final issue (Only three years in the making!) if JMS’s The Twelve, and a metric fuckload of DC eighth issues, and we’ve got an interesting week!

But before we can talk about them, we need some time to review them. So until then… see you tomorrow, suckers!

Who Knows What Evil Lurks In The Sacks Of Men?

It is Wednesday, as it winds up being every week, no matter how loudly we pray on Fridays, or how little we remember our Saturdays. However, Wednesdays means two things: the beginning of the fatigue hysteria that will dog us until Friday night’s first beer, and more importantly: new comics! And not a moment too soon, given the generally disappointing nature of most of last week’s biggest books.

But, as Scarlett O’Hara – or perhaps Scarlett from G.I. Joe – said: “Tomorrow is another day… only today is tomorrow. Wait, what? Look, trails!” Either way, it means that this…

…means the end of our broadcast day.

But there’s some good shit there, huh? We’ve got the first issue of Garth Ennis’s The Shadow, the opening of Scott Snyder’s Night of The Owls crossover Batman event, Jonathan Hickman’s second Manhattan Projects, and a ton of other good looking stuff!

But before we can review any of them, we gotta read them. So, as always: see you tomorrow, suckers!