Short, But Sweet…

Unless you’ve been off planet, you’ve probably noticed that news of the shake-up in the Marvel Universe, due to the events in Dan Slott’s Amazing Spider-Man, has even made it into the mainstream news. So, it’s probably just as well that it was a light week for most of the other books, what with the holidays and all interrupting normal publishing schedules. Between ASM stealing most of the comic news thunder and the after effects of holiday hangovers, it’s just a little hard to concentrate right now here at the Crisis On Infinite Midlives home office.

Which means that this…

…is the end of our broadcast day.

Not a bad little take: Amazing Spider-Man #700 (a double sized monstrosity or extravaganza, depending on where you fall with that series final resolution), Avenging Spider-Man #15.1 (which has a first glimpse of “The Superior Spider-Man”), Justice League #15, and, because there are still books in the world not published by Marvel or DC, Mara, by Brian Wood, Ming Doyle and Jordie Bellaire.

And, as ever, before we can review them, we need to read ’em. Which means we need to stop our hands from shaking long enough to turn some pages. Which means we need to get to the liquor store before it closes. So, until then…

…see you tomorrow, suckers!

Meet The New Boss

There’s been a lot of noise and uproar about how The Amazing Spider-Man writer Dan Slott might intend to conclude his final arc in Amazing Spider-Man #700 next week, even though the larger notes of the story were (supossedly… but probably) given away days ago. While those story beats remain unknown for the time-being (unless you have a Bittorrent client), what has gone somewhat underreported is that, whatever version of Spider-Man that Slott intends to persist in The Superior Spider-Man come January, that Spider-Man makes his first appearance in this week’s Daredevil #21.

And based on a quick flip-through of that issue? Well, assuming I wasn’t already pretty sure who winds up behind the Spider-Man mask, I would now be at least pretty sure that it isn’t gonna be Happy Smurf.

However, even though the comics press (including us) is acting like the fate of Spider-Man is the end-all and be-all of the comics world this week, rumor has it that there are at least one or two other comic books out this week. So be it Spider-Man or Octo-Douche, all it means is that this…

…means the end of our broadcast day.

And take a look at that take, huh? Even if you don’t give a tin shit if Spider-Man’s strong or if he has radioactive blood, bub, there is some cool stuff in this week’s comics. We’ve got the second issue of Jonathan Hickman’s Avengers, the third-to-last issue of Vertigo’s Hellblazer, a new issue of Brian K. Vaughn’s and Fiona Staples’s Saga, the first issue of DC Comics’s adaptation of the uncut version of Quentin Tarantino’s uncut original script for Django Unchained, and bunch of other cool-looking stuff!

But you know the drill: before we can read them, we need to battle a supervillain for ultimate control of our own brains, and then we need time to read them.

So until that time (and until we resolve our battle for supremacy against our archnemesis, Doctor OldNumberSevenDaniels)…

…see you tomorrow, suckers!

Workaday Fantasy

All right, let’s be honest: last week was one hell of a new week for comics. Between the second-to-last issue of The Amazing Spider-Man, to the first issue of Jonathan Hickman’s run on Avengers, to the start of Daniel Way’s Thunderbolts, there was a shit-ton of new and exciting books to dive into, even if it turned out some of them were more new and less exciting than we were originally led to believe.

This week, things have drifted a little back more toward a weekly status quo; not a bunch of flashy new reboots (but, but, Marvel doesn’t reboot! And Night Thrasher has always been the future of Marvel superheroes!), but instead just a steady, relaxing week of regularly-scheduled comics…

Comics like a new The Walking Dead, and one of the last Gail Simone’s Batgirl, and one of the first Justin Jordan Deathstroke issues. Well, shit.

For a hum-drum week, that’s a lot of awesome, which means that this…

…is the end of our broadcast day.

Seriously: if you gotta have a week of just normally-solicited non-first issues, there are worse ways you can go. There’s Scott Snyder’s and Greg Capullo’s Batman #15 and Pete Tomasi’s Batman & Robin #15 continuing the so-far compelling Death of The Family story arc, there’s the second issue of Matt Fraction’s Fantastic Four, a Kelly Sue DeConnick issue of Avengers Assemble, and even an issue of the best series of Before Watchmen: Brian Azzarello’s and Lee Bermejo’s Rorschach!

But you know how this works: before we can review any of them, we need time to read them. So while that happens…

…see you tomorrow, suckers!

Four-Color Riot

If you believe the shitstorm of rage, hatred and recrimination coming from The Amazing Spider-Man writer Dan Slott’s Twitter feed since the comic stores opened at about 10 a.m. today, it would make you think that The Amazing Spider-Man #699, like The Clash in 1978, was the Only Thing That Matters. And, as the second-to-last issue of The Amazing Spider-Man as an ongoing comics concern (until someone realizes they might make an extra seventeen dollars out of Amazing Spider-Man #725), it is certainly an important comic book – and one we will be addressing in the very near future – but certainly not the only comic book of the week that matters.

Not when Luther Fucking Strode is back in the house.

Which is a long way to go to explain that this wealth of awesome…

…means the end of our broadcast day.

Seriously: this might be the most interesting week of new comics in quite a long time. Not only is there the new Amazing Spider-Man and the first issue of the second Luther Strode miniseries, but there’s the first issues of the renumbered (but not rebooted! Marvel doesn’t reboot! And the editorial staff of Crisis On Infinite Midlives hasn’t been drinking since four minutes after leaving the comic store!) Avengers and Thunderbolts (starring Punisher, Elektra and Deadpool), along with the third issue of Daredevil: End of Days by Brian Michael Bendis, and the latest Hawkeye by Matt Fraction!

But before we can review them, we need time to read them. So until we have that chance…

…see you tomorrow, suckers!

Delayed Hatred

It has been an interesting week for comics and genre pop culture, where many books of generally good quality came out, and despite the wealth of good sci-fi, horror and alternate universe comics, combined with the idea that Joseph Gordon-Levitt might appear in the Justice League move as Batman and that the writer of The Empire Strikes Back might be writing a new Star Wars movie… all anyone can seem to talk about is Dan Slott and how he’s cackling while he’s fingerblasting the almost 700-issue history of Spider-Man, despite having never given Peter Parker six arms nor cloning him once.

But, for good or ill, The Amazing Spider-Man #699 doesn’t come out for another week. But regardless of the anticipation and the hatred and the whinging, it is still Wednesday, and that means that this…

…means the end of our broadcast day.

But new Spider-Man or no, it’s still an interesting-looking week, what with the first issue of the new Matt Fraction / Mike Allred FF #1, plus a new Ed Brubaker / Sean Phillips Fatale, and the best of the Before Watchmen books: Amanda Conner’s and Darwyn Cooke’s Silk Spectre, and one of Brian Michael Bendis’s last (if not his very last) Avengers books!

But, as usual, before we can talk about any of them, we need time to read them. So until that time…

…see you tomorrow, suckers!

U. S. (Biological) Agent

Tomorrow is American Thanksgiving, which means that here at the Crisis On Infinite Midlives Home Office, Amanda is busy mashing potatoes or candying yams or whatever the hell people do when they cook Thanksgiving dinner. And in the meantime, I am upholding my annual Thanksgiving tradition of twitching uncontrollably with the Guatamalan Eplileptic Stink Muskrat Flu.

That means that this…

…means the end of our broadcast day.

But there’s some good stuff in there for a long holiday weekend; The first issue of Dan Slott’s The Amazing Spider-Man that he has claimed on Twitter will ruin our childhoods, the first issue of The Indestructible Hulk, the first issue of IDW’s American adaptation of Judge Dredd, a new issue of The Goon, and a ton of other cool stuff! Like compulsive shivering! And dry heaves  – that’s plural, baby!

But before we can write about any of them, we first need a chance to read them, and to struggle to string together two quarter hours that don’t include the trembling shits. So until that time…

…please kill me! I mean: have a Happy Thanksgiving, and dehydration permitting, see you tomorrow, suckers!

Colorful Turns of Phrase

It is one hell of a thing to put up a post advertising the end of our broadcast day when we haven’t published anything since yesterday at just after midnight, but I have a good excuse: over the past couple of days, the comics Internet has blown up (again) over the concept of female cosplayers and “fake geek girls” at comic conventions. Which is nothing new; this kind of thing pops up every six or eight weeks these days… only this time, it happened during the two to six hour window on a Tuesday when I was sober, which meant I was able to have an opinion. Which has been written, and which is in the process of being reviewed by my co-Editor Amanda to make sure it makes sense and doesn’t contain words like, “bonerjonesers,” or phrases like, “you reactionary, unfuckable, drippy-dicked misogynists,” and it will hopefully be ready to publish once I finish going through notes like: “Rob: watch your capitalization. Example: Cameltoe is not a superhero. Neither is The Whimpering Boy-Virgin.”

Anyway, while that piece is being whipped into shape, it is still Wednesday, and that means new comics. Which means that, continued spellchecking on words like, “taintgrovelers,” or no, this…

…means the end of our broadcast day.

But lets put phrases like, “jizz-dribbling Raven snivelers” aside and acknowledge that this is one hell of a week for new comic books. We’ve got the lamented final issue of Garth Ennis’s The Boys, the start of Dan Slott’s runup to Superior Spider-Man with the first part of the final story of The Amazing Spider-Man, the first Matt Fraction issue of Fantastic Four, the second Batman issue of Death Of The Family, and the book I’m most excited about: Locke & Key: Omega #1. Plus a shit-ton of other cool stuff!

But before we can review them, we need time to read them… and to decide where to put the hyphens in phrases like, “woman-hating spunk-dumpers.” So until that time…

…see you tomorrow, suckers!

Meet The New Bosses

As you are more than likely aware, there was an election for the Presidency of The United States last night, which means that we at Crisis On Infinite Midlives put down our comic books for a single evening, turned on our television, flipped back and forth between whichever channel was most likely to be displaying inordinate amounts of results-driven hysteria for the current maximum entertainment value (basically we started with Rachel Maddow screeching about hacked voting machines, and switched to Karl Rove apparently sending Megyn Kelly down to the poll office for a slice of pizza), and then waited around to hear if one guy or another called uncle. That took until about 1 a.m., which means that we are exhausted.

Combine those circumstances with the first Boston snowstorm of the year and the fact that it is Wednesday, and it means that this…

…means the end of our broadcast day.

However, befitting an election week, we have a comics week of new beginnings and ending. Including the first Kieron Gillen / Greg Land  Iron Man #1, Brian Posehn’s Deadpool #1, Justin Jordan’s Shadowman #1 for Valiant Comics… as well as the lamented final twelfth issue of Matt Fraction’s Defenders.

But you know the drill: before we can review any of them, we need time to sleep off the electoral (read: Jack Daniels) hangover, as well as time to read them. So until that time…

…see you tomorrow, suckers!

Please Stand By…

We are experiencing some unexpected technical difficulties this evening; I suppose this is what one gets when he drunkenly tries to write about a new superhero he invented on the toilet named “DROP TABLE”.

So please bear with us while we try to fix the issue. In the meantime, you can take this opportunity to start digging through couch cushions and in the lint trap for nickels and dimes. You’ll need them to start your complete collection of the upcoming Justice League of America. Because if you want to be able to tell the regulars at the comic store that you have the whole run, you’ll need to get the variant covers for the upcoming first issue.

All 52 of them.

Yup, it’s one issue for every state in America, plus an extra couple for the territories that we keep kicking around. Which means that if you want them all, it would cost you around, oh, $200 or $300 bucks. Assuming you can get them at face value.

Yeah, we’re gonna pass. We can use that money to hire a database guy.

Thanks for your patience.

I’m Normally Not A Praying Man, But If You’re Up There, Please Save Me Superman

Today has been a strange day. First of all, it’s Halloween, which means I’ve spent a large part of the day resisting the urge to go door-to-door in a clown costume and pretend that the courts have ordered me to introduce myself as a sex offender, if only to make the exchange of candy all the more awkward and horrific. Second, with yesterday’s announcement of the Disney purchase of Lucasfilm and a new Star Wars movie in the works, it’s decidedly difficult to put aside the excitement and trepidation behind that announcement and focus on comics. And finally, it’s a couple of days after Hurricane Sandy hit the Boston area, and while we have our Internet service restored here at the Crisis On Infinite Midlives Home Office and are therefore, for all intents and purposes, back to pre-storm normal, the heart of the comics industry in New York is certainly not, which gives our personal triumph of speedy electronic pornography delivery a decidedly bittersweet tang.

But strange day or not, it is Wednesday. And even though the storm delayed the delivery of new comics until 2 p.m. today to my local comic store, where they know me by name and ask me to stop offering to show the paying customers my high-pressure microbursts, the new comics were delivered. Which means that this…

…means the end of our broadcast day.

But while it might be a weird day, it’s a good day for new comics. There’s Grant Morrison and Darick Robertson’s second issue of Happy, Mark Millar and John Romita Jr.’s new issue of Hit-Girl, a new Ultimate Spider-Man, the first issue of Marvel’s A+X, Ed Brubaker’s and Sean Phillips’s new Fatale, and perhaps most prominently, J. Michael Straczynski’s and Shane Davis’s original graphic novel Superman: Earth One, Volume Two.

But before we have time to write about them, we need time to read them. And we have the time, since being on the northern end of the brunt of Sandy, I only had to deal with the harsh reality of about 36 hours of being forced to jack off using only my imagination. A lot of people in New York and New Jersey are being forced to jack off to the memories of when their comic collections weren’t six feet under water, seven miles away. So if you have a minute and a few bucks, please consider texting the word “redcross” to 90999; it’ll show up as an extra ten bucks on your cell phone bill next month, which is when Grandma starts sending you your Christmas money anyway.

However, considering we already done done it, it means we can focus on the new books. So until we do…

…see you tomorrow, suckers!