Who Knows What Evil Lurks In The Sacks Of Men?

It is Wednesday, as it winds up being every week, no matter how loudly we pray on Fridays, or how little we remember our Saturdays. However, Wednesdays means two things: the beginning of the fatigue hysteria that will dog us until Friday night’s first beer, and more importantly: new comics! And not a moment too soon, given the generally disappointing nature of most of last week’s biggest books.

But, as Scarlett O’Hara – or perhaps Scarlett from G.I. Joe – said: “Tomorrow is another day… only today is tomorrow. Wait, what? Look, trails!” Either way, it means that this…

…means the end of our broadcast day.

But there’s some good shit there, huh? We’ve got the first issue of Garth Ennis’s The Shadow, the opening of Scott Snyder’s Night of The Owls crossover Batman event, Jonathan Hickman’s second Manhattan Projects, and a ton of other good looking stuff!

But before we can review any of them, we gotta read them. So, as always: see you tomorrow, suckers!

Weakness On The Perimeter

Crisis On Infinite Midlives came to being the week that DC’s New 52 were gruntingly squirted into fruition. So the main story, on a week-to-week basis, has been the battle between the new DC books and Marvel trying to catch up, with the odd (excellent) indie book like Luther Strode, The Boys and Witch Doctor to keep things interesting.

That was September, 2011. It’s April, 2012, and the most exciting books of the week are Saga, America’s Got Powers and The Secret Service. Where’s your major-market comics publisher now?

However, we are still looking at a week with some major DC Batman titles, the first branchings of Avengers Vs. X-Men, and Mark Waid’s and Greg Rucka’s opening to their Spider-Man / Punisher / Daredevil crossover The Omega Effect. And either way, be they Picassos or stick-figure Batmen, that lineup means that this…

…is the end of our broadcast day.

But either way, even disregarding the aforementioned stellar books, look at the rest of the take: Jason Aaron’s last Wolverine, a new Scarlet Spider, Kyle Higgins’s last Deathstroke (an aggrieved soon-to-be-lost favorite here at the Crisis On Infinite Midlives Home Office), and even the first issue of The Bionic Woman, sure to be true-to-form to those of us who were grievously disappointed by that spinoff when we were Six Million Dollar Man fans back in  1978!

But as usual, before we can review any of them, we need time to read them. So until that day: see you tomorrow, suckers!

Hadouken!

It is arrived. It is in you now. Marvel, for once thinking ahead about an upcoming movie about one of their properties, has conspired and planned and looked ahead enough to make sure that once the Avengers movie drops in a month, non-comic reading moviegoers who wander into a comic shop will see a book with the name of the movie on it and hopefully think, “Hey! That’s the movie I done just seen! Who’re they fightin’? Hey, I lurve me some Hugh Jackman! Lemme buy this funnybook!”

Which is great for the rubes and potentially good for comics in general, but for those of us in the trenches buying comics every Wednesday, it means that Marvel’s big summer event, Avengers Vs. X-Men is finally here, which means that this…

…means the end of our broadcast day.

But is is a nice looking week, ain’t it? We’ve got Avengers Vs. X-Men, Ed Brubaker’s Fatale, Ultimate Spider-Man, a new The Boys, Ann Nocenti’s second issue of Green Arrow, and a bunch of other cool stuff!

But before we can review it, we gotta read it. So, as often happens on Wednesday nights: see you tomorrow, suckers!

…When The Comics Began To Take Hold

It has been a strange and interesting day here at the Crisis On Infinite Midlives Home Office, what with full and distracting days at the day job, combined with a stop at the local bar and a visit from contributor Lance Manion, whose pitch for his next article boiled down to, “Gobble me. You got a Bass Ale or not, fuckface?”

But for good or ill, we have made our visit to our local comic store, where they know me by name and ask me to remind Lance that the appropriate response to finding classic Howard The Duck issues isn’t “I can dook right here, right, Mommy?”

And we have obtained our new comic books, which means that this…

…is the end of our broadcast day.

But what a fine day it is, huh? There’s a new Garth Ennis Crossed in there, plus a Geoff Johns Aquaman, a new James Robinson Shade, and a graphic biography of Hunter S. Thompson (like I don’t already own Fear And Loathing in Las Vegas, or Rango)… not to mention Avengers Vs. X-Men’s issue 0 shot across the bow!

But before we can talk about ’em, we gotta read them. So until that day….

See you tomorrow, suckers!

Dogs And Cats Living Together

It has been a long, strange and interesting week, what with the purchase of a new tablet PC and learning how to interface it with the Web site (What do you mean, I need to switch between three browsers to copy and paste? It shouldn’t be this hard to say “Fuck the iPad!”), the St. Patrick’s Day traditional celebration and the St. Patrick’s Day traditional charcoal pills and “stomach evacuation,” we are POOPED.

Thankfully, it is Wednesday, which means that there are new comics to relax and recuperate with, and further means that this…

…means the end of our broadcast day.

But we’re looking at a very, very decent take this week. We have Justice League #7 (less notable for the Justice League than for the debut of Geoff Johns’s Shazam reboot), a new Amazing Spider-Man (less notable for Spider-Man than for the return of a John Byrne-created villain from the 70s who is an obscure personal favorite), and the finale of Avengers: Xtinction (Less notable for… well, just not very notable)!

But before we can review them, we need to leave this bar and actually read them. So until that day: see you tomorrow, suckers!

I Don’t Want Cake… I Want Me Some Pi

No (Recognizable (or Good)) Logo

Apologies for today’s radio silence; things were simply too busy here at the Home Office to post a final pre-comic store opening review this morning, and the news about the upcoming redesigned Earth 2 Jay Garrick Flash didn’t seem to warrant more than a link and a quiet, “Oh, fuck me.”

But today’s obligations have been obligated, and our prerequisites have been prerequisited, and depite it all we made it to our local comic store – where they know me by name and ask me to start conjugating verbs like a real boy – and our local bar, which means that radio silence or no, this:

…means the end of our broadcast day.

But what a take it is! DC Comics is back on regular schedule, with their new logo giving me fond memories of the last beloved new logo that I hated, delivering new issues of Animal Man, Detective Comics, Swamp Thing and Huntress (Also of Earth 2! Where Elseworlds are King, and Costumes are Ill-Advised!). There’s also a new Matt Fraction Defenders, the follow-up to last week’s highly-recommended Amazing Spider-Man, and even a Vampirella Vs. Dracula in case all the porno sites on the Internet go dark!

But by now you know the drill: before we can review them, first we gotta read them. So for right now: see you tomorrow, suckers!

Familiar Justice, Or: Happy Semi-Annimaversary!

Our weekly visit to our local comic book store, where they know me by name and ask me, “Jesus Christ, you’re still alive?” brought us an unexpected reminder of the week before DC’s New 52 debuted. You remember – back on the last day of August 2011, when the only main line book DC released was Justice League #1… and Crisis On Infinite Midlives was in the late planning stages before our September 4th launch… and by “late planning stages,” I mean that Amanda and I were alternately asking each other, “Were we talking about starting a comics Web site? And do you have my pants?”

Well, this week’s visit reminded that we are six months old this week, because there is only one DC New 52 book – Justice League, I’m sure purely by coincidence – and regardless of how many DC books are available this week, for the 25th time, this…

…means the end of our broadcast day.

But what a week it is! We have Justice League #6, a new issue of both Avengers and New Avengers, a new The Walking Dead, and, most impressively… Ralph Wiggum #1!

But, as is has been for the past six months: before we can review them, first we need time to read them. So until then and as always: see you tomorrow, suckers!

Don’t Be Shy; I’m A Doctor

It has been a strange and full day, culminating in a spirited argument between me, Amanda and conributor Lance Manion as to the proper order of a Dr. Who-themed Fuck, Marry, Kill game populated by Amy Pond, Rose Tyler and Jon Pertwee (Editor’s Note: I have chosen… poorly). So combining that and hard liquor means that this…

…means the end of our broadcast day.

But if you have to find yourself in a position where you’re denying that Tom Baker’s scarf might be hiding tits and an Adam’s Apple, there are worse takes with which to distract yourself. We’ve got new Ultimate Spider-Man, Secret Avengers, Avengers Academy, All-Star Western, and a bunch of other cool-looking books to distract you from what happened at the glory hole in the side of the TARDIS!

But before we can review them, we need to read them! Also to gargle, but mostly to read them. So until then: see you tomorrow, suckers!

We Don’t Need No Steeking Badges!

Earlier this week, I said to my partner Amanda, “Look at this week’s new comics list! There’s a new issue of Bendis’s Powers on it! I’ll make you a bet: if it’s actually on the stands when we get to our local comic book store, where they know me by name and ask me to stop settling my penis-related wagers there, I’ll do anything you want!”

Well, we are back from our weekly comics-buying excursion, and I lost my bet. So thanks to that, and the attendant hyperextension of the jaw, this…

…means the end of our broadcast day.

But it’s looking like a pretty decent week: we do, in fact, have Bendis’s and Oeming’s Powers (Ow, clicky jaw!),Plus Brian Wood’s and Becky Cloonan’s Conan, and Robert Kirkman’s Thief of Thieves, a new Batgirl and Batwoman (Hurry up and heal, temporomandubular joint!) and a bunch of other new and cool stuff!

But before we review them, we gotta read them. So because of that, and the fact that women don’t have the needed recharge period guys do…

…see you tomorrow, suckers!