Mashup: Savage Wolverine #1 Review

Editor’s Note: “Cyclops”? “Storm”? What do they call you? “Spoilers”?

Yesterday, I recommended that the best way to read Batman #16 was to not think about the plot too much, because it gets in the way of what the story is really delivering to the reader. I’m gonna have to recommend the same thing for writer / artist Frank Cho’s Savage Wolverine #1, but unfortunately without anywhere near the enthusiasm I had for Batman.

Look, if you’re a fan of the berserker Wolverine, and like the Frank Miller / Chris Claremont miniseries from the 80s because of the graphic violence as opposed to the nuanced characterization, there’s a lot to like in Savage Wolverine #1. Cho captures the character visually, along with the attendant violence that would, in a just and true comics world, be a major part of any comic book about a guy whose primary visible power involves six machetes. It’s a good-looking book. It’s violent and exciting. And if that’s what you want from a comic, just enjoy it and turn off your frontal lobes using whatever method or chemicals you prefer.

Because if you don’t, it’s gonna be really hard for you to not notice that this book is Lost with Wolverine, has plot holes you could drive a bus through, and leaps in logic that would make Batroc weep in frustrated shame.

Drilling The Plot Hole: Batman #16 Review

Plotwise, Batman #16 doesn’t hold up too well if you stop and think about it for too long. The idea that a single inmate, no matter how ruthless or deranged, could not only take over an entire insane asylum under the nose of law enforcement (not to mention the inevitable cavalcade of starfuckers and psycho groupies that would surround Arkham like flies on shit. Don’t believe me? Ask Carole Anne Boone), but would somehow have the resources to modify and booby trap the place in the way Joker does in this issue is implausible on a good day. Throw on top of that that the ending of the whole thing is gonna seem a little familiar if you’ve seen The Vanishing, and this is a story that could swirl the tubes pretty quickly, if you spend too much time contemplating the particulars behind it.

So on that basis, I’m going to recommend – and I don’t do this very often – that you just don’t stop and think about Batman #16 too much.

Seriously, don’t think about it. Don’t let yourself get caught up in the logistics of how Joker could have gotten his hands on the sheer number of victims he has on hand without anyone missing them, or where he found the team of contractors to build the carefully machined and electrified death traps without mentioning to anyone what they were working on, or how he had the time to wait on craftsmen to build that Batman Throne… even though, seriously: I ordered a custom-made bed about two months ago, and I’m still waiting on that Goddamned thing, but Joker gets a throne on demand? I’m seriously thinking about going back to that furniture store and filling it with gas… or at least a different kind of gas than I did last time. Maybe that’s why it’s taking so long. But I digress.

So yeah: try not to get bogged down in all that nitpicking, unrealistic shit. Because if you do, you’re gonna miss one hell of an atmospheric story that shows just how driven and plain old badassed Batman is, and which uses really pretty extreme violence and disturbing situations to show just how dangerous and committed Joker is.

Tree Pulp: Swamp Thing #16 Review

Editor’s Note: And one last quick review of the comics of 1/9/2013 before the comic stores open with this week’s new books…

I’m not gonna lie to you: the Rotworld crossover between Swamp Thing and Animal Man hasn’t really been grabbing me in the way that I’d originally hoped. I’ve found it to be relatively engaging, but at this point, it feels like it’s been going on damn near forever, with one overriding problem that’s been tickling me through the whole thing: where’s the rest of the DC Universe while all of this is going on? We’ve seen the world in ruins, and Superman, Batman and other ancillary superheroes afflicted by the Rot in these titles, and yet over in Detective Comics last week, Batman was happily battling Joker gangs while a new Penguin sets up shop.

So being isolated, the stakes of Rotworld have felt smaller than they should… but I really don’t want to hold that against Rotworld, because I really do want to see more isolated storylines, regardless of a publisher’s greater continuity, if only so I can stop hearing so many sighs from my co-editor Amanda when we walk into our local comic store, where they know me by name and ask me to stop announcing, “Attention, patrons! In a moment, I will be giving myself an event… and then I will become fatigued!”

So on its own, Rotworld has been entertaining, if dragged out a little longer than it probably needed to be… and taken on its own, Swamp Thing #16 is the biggest, pulpiest, most fun piece of it so far.

A Couple of Major League Yobbos: The Secret Service #5 Review

Editor’s Note: Spoilers Galore? I must be dreaming.

When I reviewed Mark Millar’s and Dave Gibbon’s The Secret Service #1 back in April, well, let’s say that I wasn’t impressed. I was unimpressed enough to put the issue, and the series, on my list of biggest comics disappointments of last year. And that first issue was even more disappointing in retrospect; in a year where Sam Mendes made Skyfall, which wasn’t just a good James Bond movie, but was simply a good movie, Millar’s snark-filled, ultra-violent re-envisioning of James Bond as some kind of dickish football hooligan with a mad-on for the chavs or twats or poofs or whatever the hell the English call douchebags became not only unnecessary, but also obviously small-minded and petty.

But hey: that first issue was nine months ago. And I suppose my initial impressions might have been a mistake; after all, I can think of at least one other mistake I could have made nine months ago that I would not only be regretting today, but doing my level best to pretend never happened and if it did, pretending that it in no way applied to me.

So while I did read The Secret Service #2, #3 and #4 and saw nothing there that would make me change my initial impression of the book, I figured I’d check in with the fifth and penultimate issue to really look to see if enough had turned around to recommend it in time for you to get up to speed for the big finale in a couple of months.

Short answer? Nah. While Millar seems to have veered away from the overt lifting his protagonist Gary from Grant Morrison’s character of Dane in The Invisibles, The Secret Service #5 is still a combination of the most adolescent of revenge fantasies, combined with what seems to be a scathing indictment of genre fans and their priorities in life. And when I say “genre fans,” well, if you’re reading a comics Web site and therefore probably have a stack of longboxes in your home? That’s you and me, chief.

You Don’t Understand! They’re Already Here!: Human Bomb #1 Review

DC’s Human Bomb miniseries, written by Jimmy Palmiotti and Justin Gray with art by Jerry Ordway, is one of those books that just sort of showed up at my local comic store, where they know me by name and ask me to stop asking the paying customers if they want to see – or smell – why they call me The Human Bomb, without a lot of fanfare. Kinda like Phantom Lady and Doll Man by the same writing team a few months ago, and their pre-New 52 Freedom Fighters before it, Human Bomb seemed like another low-publicity, low-stakes attempt on the part of Palmiotti and Gray to make someone , somewhere, give a damn about the Freedom Fighters.

And therein has always lain the problem with these books for me: I don’t really care about The Freedom Fighters. Even as a 37-plus year reader of comic books, The Freedom Fighters have always, to me, been that group that got their asses quickly kicked in Crisis On Infinite Earths, and whose members have had a couple of distinguished appearances in James Robinson’s The Golden Age and Starman. Otherwise, The Freedom Fighters was nothing more than the team with Uncle Sam, the girl with the boob shirt who isn’t Power Girl, Other Hawkman, and the dude in the stupid radiation suit.

Well, the dude in the stupid radiation suit was The Human Bomb. And that is really about all I know about The Human Bomb – I didn’t even know the guy’s secret identity until I read The Human Bomb #2 (and, having read the character’s Wikipedia page for background this review, even his identity is something new for the Post New 52 era). And I therefore have no idea if the new origin being presented in this miniseries is historically consistent with the original tale or not. But what I can tell you is that what is here is a pretty interesting, Cold War style story of sci-fi paranoia, fit into the modern New 52 world, with some detailed, damn fine art straight from the guy who inked the character in Crisis On Infinite Earths. It’s Invasion of The Body Snatchers if Dr. Bennell could blow shit up by touching it (and if you could trust the government to pay attention when you started shrieking about Pod People), and it’s actually pretty entertaining.

I Have A Bad Feeling About This: Star Wars #1 Review

Just a few hours ago, in a town, not so far away…. I picked up my copy of Brian Wood’s Star Wars at my local comics shop, where they know me by name and keep begging me not to bring Rob there, ever again.  Getting the issue is apparently no small feat since even our fearless leader Rob couldn’t get his hands on a copy of this mutha.

Wood is tackling an interesting time in the Star Wars timeline. His focus is on the original characters during the several years between the destruction of the Death Star at the Battle of Yavin, and where Empire picks up on Hoth. It truly surprises me that this period is rarely addressed, with the absolute breadth and depth of expanded universe novels, comics, cartoons, and slashfic. There’s an awful lot of un-addressed character development that takes place off-screen between the movies. Luke has gone from whiny farm boy to a confident and able fighter. Han has shed his “only looking out for number one” attitude, and emerged as a real leader within the rebellion.  Leia has transformed from a mouthy princess to… well, a mouthy princess.

Kid, I’ve flown from one side of this galaxy to the other. I’ve seen a lot of strange stuff, but I’ve never seen anything to make me believe in spoilers…

The Superior Superior Spider-Man: Scarlet Spider #13 Review

I’ve kinda lost track of what’s been going on in Scarlet Spider over the past few months, but this week seemed like a good time to jump back in for a couple of reasons, the first being that, with the recent events in The Amazing Spider-Man and The Superior Spider-Man, I had a taste for a story about a Spider-powered hero who isn’t a reincarnated vainglorious blowhard… and it takes a lot to make a story about a spider-clone to seem like a palate-cleanser.

The second reason was that the book’s recent Minimum Carnage event is over. Don’t get me wrong: not having read the event, I really can’t address that there was anything particularly wrong with it per se, but once I heard the title of the event at last year’s San Diego Comic-Con, I had a problem with half of it. I’ll give you a hint: it wasn’t “minimum.” Suffice it to say that, when it comes to Carnage? Yeah, not a fan.

So Scarlet Spider #13 is my first jump back into the title in some time, and my first time back with the character since the closing events of The Amazing Spider-Man. And this is gonna be a strange review because of it, because, coming back into the book immediately after reading those events, I’ll tell you this: if there aren’t plans to cross the Doc Ock version of Spider-Man over, at least briefly, with Kaine? Either The Superior Spider-Man writer Dan Slott, or Scarlet Spider writer Christopher Yost, or both, aren’t thinking things through.

Robbing Peter: The Superior Spider-Man #1 Review

Editor’s Note: I’ve come to say goodbye to my old life. A life wasted on spoilers and ruined plot twists. A man whose sole victory was cheating comic readers… by switching – ah, screw it. This review contains spoilers. Many. many spoilers.

I’m done. Done accepting things the way we are. I swear to you… from now on… whenever I’m around, wherever I am… …No one dies!
– Peter Parker

Okay, that’s one way to end a comic book. But we’ll talk about that later.

So here we are: the first issue of a Spider-Man comic with Otto Octavius riding the peak seat, and our first chance to see how he handles the, well, power and responsibility. And coming out of the events of The Amazing Spider-Man #700, that was a serious question; sure, we’ve known what Doctor Octopus is like for the past fifty years, and it seems unlikely that an arrogant megalomaniac like that is likely to turn over a new leaf just because he can suddenly see his dick for the first time since Eisenhower was President. But still, we’ve seen that Ock obtained access to all of Peter’s memories and experiences, which could have an effect on Otto. So the question is: how does he behave as Spider-Man?

A lot like a supervillain, actually. But not in the way that you’d think.

Batdancing: Teen Titans #15 Review

Editor’s Note: And one last review of the comics of 1/2/2013 before the comic stores open with this week’s take…

Teen Titans #15, written by Scott Lobdell and Fabian Nicieza and drawn by Brett Booth, is a strange read. It’s part of the Death of The Family crossover going through the Batman Family books, and it features the same Joker as those books, with his skinned face strapped to his head, and ostensibly more terrifying than ever, but it doesn’t feel of that crossover. Where most of the other issues in this crossover put the focus on how Joker is more modern and direct and personally violent in many ways, this issue feels almost… quaint. Sure, it has several characters talking about how deadly Joker is, and how frightening it is to face off with him, but the overall feeling is that it comes from another era. An era of death traps and convoluted master plans and big primary colors and crappy gag lines.

This is a 90s comic book, from the plotting to the scripting to even the art style. It is a strange fit with the terror and brutality that has been the stock in trade of the rebooted Joker in other issues of Death of The Family, and it therefore feels… odd. It is like being in line for an Odd Future concert and seeing someone roll into the parking lot in a neon blue Dodge Neon with flames and a spoiler, and seeing the driver jumping out with Hammerpants and a Kid-N-Play fade haircut. It is retro where retro is not needed – or necessarily wanted – and therefore the instinct is to beat the perpetrator like a rented goalie.

And make no mistake: I will be throwing some punches at Teen Titans #15… however, there is some good stuff in this issue, and that deserves some attention, too. After all – M. C. Hammer and the Houseparty movies didn’t make a billion dollars twenty years ago because they were always reprehensible to everyone everywhere.

Days of Future Magic Past: Justice League Dark #15 Review

Editor’s Note: What is it with you people? Do I have some kind of sign on me back, “Walking Spoiler Bank – Withdrawals Welcome”? Is that it?

What with the news about Guillermo del Toro having a movie in early pre-production about basically every character from DC’s Dark line, it seems like as good a time as any to check back in with Justice League Dark, which features just about all the characters del Toro want to work with.

Frankly, my enthusiasm for the title has waned in the face of Vertigo’s cancellation of Hellblazer (sure, John Constantine’s in Justice League Dark, but that ain’t Hellblazer), despite the title being taken over by Jeff Lemire, who is a damn good writer of weird shit, and who seemed to understand that if you’re going to see people a team book, it’s probably a good idea to have them be a fucking team. But the fact of the matter is that there’s nothing like knowing a movie is coming out about a comic to ramp up your excitement about a book. And God knows, Justice League Dark #15 will remind you that, yup, there’s a comic book movie coming out.

Unfortunately, that movie is X-Men: Days of Future Past.