Grumpy Old Man

Comic Book Grrrl‘s Laura Sneddon did a 1,000 word article for The Independent a week and a half ago recapping an interview with Alan Moore, which is an astounding feat to me considering I can’t get angry about a 20-page Flash comic in less than 1,300 words.

But apparently her interview with Moore went on for about an hour, and she has posted an uncut transcript of the entire interview on her Website. Let’s take a look… and while we’re doing it, let’s try to forget that “Uncut Alan Moore” would be an excellent title for an Axel Braun Watchmen porno, shall we?

So I think that might end up being one of the subtexts of Century as a whole, that it will be just this slow degradation of culture, you know sort of in the space of a hundred years. I mean that’s one of the things that’s most extraordinary about reading and writing Century as a volume, is that yeah one hundred years, that’s living memory. And yet we’ve somehow gone from the waterfronts that Brecht was writing about in 1910 all the way to the present day, and everything that that means…

I think we kind of, we risk simply losing genuinely valuable parts of society and culture because of our fascination with lights and bells and whistles. I blame a lot of culture, I found myself half way through one of my unfathomable rants the other night, you know where I suddenly sort of think, what am I actually saying? And it turned out what I was saying was that I blame most of Western culture upon the manufacturers of children’s cot mobiles. Simply because I think that they have programmed a couple of generations to be entertained by something if it’s moving and if it’s making a noise.

Sorry, Alan; could you repeat that? I was distracted by something moving and making a noise. Her name’s Sasha. Welcome to the Internet, where you are competing with her.

Spider-Clones: Marvel’s Recent Moves

It’s been a weird month or so at Marvel, what with a bunch of layoffs, the cancellation of several ongoing books (Including Jason Aaron’s Punisher MAX, Crisis on Infinite Midlives favorite Black Panther: The Man Without Fear, and X-23 and Ghost Rider – Marvel’s only two books with female leads), and a couple of books (Destroyers and Victor Von Doom) that haven’t even come out yet. The word is that Marvel has been particularly nutcutting because of budgetary concerns, which means Marvel may be the first company that requires people with the job title of “Architect” to bring their own fucking toilet paper to work.

Any detailed analysis of what Marvel is doing and why would require more knowledge of the comics industry than a guy who just likes comics has, and, you know… math and shit, which means I’m not the one to do it. Kiel Phegley at Comic Book Resources runs down what’s happening and possibly why from an informed prospective, which you should go read. Go ahead. I’ll wait.

You’re back? What? you want to know what I think? Didn’t I just tell you that I’m not the one to ask? But then again, it’s Thanksgiving weekend, which means that we’re all doomed to listen to some drunkard spouting off in an authoritative manner about things they know nothing whatsoever about. Okay, fine; fill your glass, pull up a chair, and listen to your Uncle Rob run his mouth about something he knows nothing whatsoever about.

Gold Standard: SyFy Pilots Booster Gold

I thought I was free of that Goddamned channel.

First they let Battlestar Galactica go – and end on a “Be nice to robots” note. Fuck you. If my Aibo won’t learn to fetch me beers on command, he gets a kicking, just like any other real dog or child.

Then they made have to watch Stan Lee bestow the title of “superhero” on some sasquatch calling herself “Fat Momma” (Well, she was still better than Fin Fang Foom… actually, looking again, she might have been Fin Fang Foom, or at least have shopped in the same Lane Bryant), they cancelled Eureka, and stole two hours worth of my pink, blank neurons and replaced them with something called Mansquito.

I was shut of you, SyFy Channel… and then you had to go and do this:

Syfy is looking to bring Booster Gold to life on the small screen.

Okay… don’t make eye contact with the empty SyFy development suit and give away that Booster Gold isn’t a WWE wrestler and let’s see what’s up.

Will It Be Like Chocolate Meeting Peanut Butter? – Anthony Bourdain’s “Get Jiro!”

I was always one of those people who, in high school, kept very separate groups of friends. I had one group for theater geek activities, one group for all things jock related, and another one for the things that neither of the either groups needed to see. It was a very well planned orchestration that I kept meticulously cordoned off, like one of those plates that lets you keep all your food from touching lest the squash touch the potatoes and all mayhem break loose.

These days, I feel much the same about my hobbies. Comics, Club-A-Wino-To-Death Night, and foodie pursuits all hold very meaningful places in my life, but they’ve been there as spaces for me to move in and out of. My fenced off little refuges have not come into contact with each other…until now.

Enter Get Jiro!, which will be written by television personality/chef/author, Anthony Bourdain and author Joel Rose with art by Langdon Foss, whose work has previously been seen in Heavy Metal.

Should I be getting excited or scurry back into the shadows in trepidation?

Avenge Me: Marvel’s February Solicitations

Last week, DC Comics announced their solicitations for their upcoming releases for February, and there was a… disturbing trend of books with covers that made the heroes’ thighs look like something that would make Johnny Wadd Holmes weep with bitter, envious frustration.

But surely the repeating nature of DC’s offerings was just a coincidence. One would think that Marvel, who just released their own February solicitations, would never fall into the trap of repeating themselves in the space of a single month!

So let’s take a look at what is sure to be the widely varied and diverse offerings that Marvel has for us in February! (Rob: Tone down the pissy sarcasm and show the nice people the books. -Amanda)

Brain Bleach – Clown Car Edition

I was going to write a little something about this scene from the latest Suicide Squad #3, but Laura Hudson at Comics Alliance beat me to it:

Congratulations, Floyd - you've just had sex with The Joker by proxy.

Clown car, eh? That’s a hell of a euphemism, Harley.

Down On The Upload: Downloading Avenging Spider-Man, Part 2

EDITOR’S NOTE: This article is part 2 in a short series about downloading a digital comic book from Marvel’s online store. Actually, it’s a very short series considering this is the last part. You can find part 1 here. And if that doesn’t sound interesting, you can find cats talking to each other here.

After I muddled through figuring out how to give Marvel enough personal information to be able to read the digital copy of Avenging Spider-Man they’d offered to give me for free with my purchase of the print edition, and I finally was looking at the book in Marvel’s computer comic reader, it occurred to me that nothing in any of the Web pages I came through told me how to find the book again later. Lemme look at the app… aha! There’s something about subscriptions! Let’s click that!

Up On The Download: Downloading Avenging Spider-Man, Part 1

Okay, so: digital comics! I think I’ve established that I’m not really a fan of the concept of digital comics. I like my weekly Wednesday trip to my local comics store, where my local comic store owner, who knows me by name and asks me if I’ve ever been told that pants are an always choice, hands me my books and recommends new ones for me.

However, Marvel was good enough to give those of us who bought Avenging Spider-Man #1 last week a code we could use to redeem for a free digital copy of the book. And as much as I like my stack of books every week, if I’m honest with myself, I’ve always considered myself an early adopter. And while I might be lurching into middle age, I like to believe it’s not so far in that I’m unwilling to try new things. Because if I am, it’s time to scratch “threesome” off my list and tag the list’s title with “bucket.”

So let’s download us a comic!

Lord of The Thighs: DC’s February Solicitations

Yesterday was a big day on the DC Source blog, where they apparently decided to try and recapture that excitement and magic of the first month of the New 52 by showing off every… single… cover of every… single… comic that they’re releasing in February, the six month anniversary (or six month-aversary? “Anni” means “year”. So technically, anniversary isn’t the right – what’s that? No, you’ve been drinking! but I digress.

You can go straight to the source (get it?) for the full list, but here are some of the highlights. And lowlights:

Myopia, or: Frank Miller Serves The Assbug

Hey, didja know Frank Miller has a blog? Me neither! I bet it’s just chock full of little tidbits about Frank’s creative process, how he works, what he’s working on next, and a million other juicy insights that would excite the comics enthusiast! Let’s tune in, shall we?

The “Occupy” movement, whether displaying itself on Wall Street or in the streets of Oakland (which has, with unspeakable cowardice, embraced it) is anything but an exercise of our blessed First Amendment.

Wow! I feel like I have an insider’s view into… Wait, what?

This is no popular uprising. This is garbage. And goodness knows they’re spewing their garbage – both politically and physically – every which way they can find.

Oh, Frank. Who hurt you? Grab a glass, pour a drink, and tell your Uncle Rob –

Maybe, between bouts of self-pity and all the other tasty tidbits of narcissism you’ve been served up in your sheltered, comfy little worlds, you’ve heard terms like al-Qaeda and Islamicism.

Oooookay…