She’s Back (And Pantsless!) – Review Of Wonder Woman #1

Brian Azzarello might be my favorite person in the comic book world, this week. First, he published this great letter on Vertigo’s editorial board, On The Ledge, in which he rails against the future for not delivering the goods it promised:

Dear Future,

F**k you.

You promised me a jetpack, and didn’t deliver. You’ve led me on and really let me down, so you can go to hell.

I’ll admit it: when you handed me a glass of Tang and a Space Food Stick I fell for you hard. You told me you were gonna be beyond my wildest dreams and we would be going places (using that jetpack, right?). You literally promised me the moon and I bought in hook, line and sinker. Well, if I still had that Space Food Stick I’d shove it up your fat bony ass, you two-faced, fun-squashing bag of woe. You can go to hell.

I, too, am disappointed by my lack of cheap, afforable jet-pack ownership. It would make going to my local comic book store ever so much easier and cooler. However, I did manage to get there this week and was rewarded for my efforts with Wonder Woman #1, also written by Mr. Azzarello with art by Cliff Chiang.

Go Ask Alice: Batman #1 Review

EDITOR’S NOTE: The following review may contain spoilers. It definitely contains rank amateurish speculation. Tread lightly.

I never read Alice in Wonderland because I was born in the early 1970’s and therefore had Star Wars. I didn’t see the recent Johnny Depp Alice in Wonderland flick because it was a Tim Burton movie that didn’t have Batman in it. So I know next to nothing about Lewis Carroll’s story beyond the character names… but I know enough about Batman to know that the odds that a new character named Lincoln March who is running for mayor will eventually unmask himself as a new supervillain named The March Hare are approximately one in one.

I was – and remain – so sure that this is how this new character was going to turn out that I reread Batman #1 about four times, inspecting the art and rereading every word looking for clues. Meaning that Batman #1 is detective story worth reading repeatedly. It’s about fucking time.

Flying Man is Flying

Next week is the final 13-issue drop of first issues in DC Comics’ New 52, and they’re ending it in the last week in exactly the way they started it the first week: firmly in second place behind Marvel Comics, with women everywhere screaming that they’re nothing but a gaggle of adolescent, sexist pigs. They will also be releasing a Superman comic.

Whereas week one’s Action Comics #1 focused on Grant Morrison’s take on Superman’s first year as a superhero, the main Superman title, written by legendary penciller George Perez with breakdowns by Perez and finished pencils by Jesus Merino (Who did some issues of Justice Society of America a couple years ago), is gonna focus on Superman in the current DC continuity, including his new, underpantsless costume. By which I mean it has no underpants on the outside. I assume he wears underpants underneath his spandex pants, otherwise we will be learning the disturbing way whether or not Kryptonians are Jewish. But I digress.

Comic Book Resources has a five-page preview of Superman #1; go check it out then swing back…

Wow. Those pages sure are pretty, and I want to withhold final judgment until I read the entire book, but based on that sample, I’m guessing that in the new DC continuity, Superman’s fatal weakness is exposition.

Because Stiffman’s Power Is COMPLETELY Different: DC Universe Presents: Deadman #1 Review

Deadman is one of those characters created in the 60’s that, if he hadn’t been drawn extensively by Neal Adams, probably wouldn’t exist today except maybe in a background shot of a Grant Morrison story written on a day when Grant was feeling a nostalgia for Silver Age DC ephemera almost as powerful as the peyote that’s probably fueling that nostalgia.

The concept behind Deadman is pretty ridiculous at its core for a superhero comic: a famous circus trapeze artist not named Wallenda (which was apparently something you could earn a living at in the days before cable TV and home video pornography) is shot to death by a sniper with one hand. He is then sent back to Earth as an invisible, undetectable ghost with the power to possess people. And he uses that power in the pursuit of justice, rather than the pursuit of possessing whoever happens to be banging Lindsey Lohan at this particular moment, or making Linda Blair gack up pea soup. Possibly while banging Lindsey Lohan. But I digress.

Seriously: Deadman’s power is to possess people, giving those people the ability to… do whatever those people could already do, only with a carny sense of humor. Which is a great character to have in your deck if you happen to need a deus ex machina (“Being invisible, I saw that The Joker fled to the playing card factory!”), or for a familiar character to suddenly start spitting out douchey jokes, (“I saw that The Joker fled to the playing card factory! Now pull Superman’s finger, Batman!”). It has it’s uses, but it’s not like Deadman’s ever been the kind of character that could ever anchor his own title.

Which is why, when I found DC Comic Presents: Deadman #1 in this week’s books, I dealt it to the bottom of the read pile. And why I was surprised that, when I did read it, I found it to be the sleeper hit in this Week’s New 52.

What’s That Giant Sucking Sound? – Review Of Red Hood And The Outlaws #1

18 days ago, when this very Website opened for business, I pointed out that Rob still believes that DC owes him $1.99 because he voted in a phone poll to have Jason Todd killed and they wouldn’t let the fucker stay dead.

I now believe we can tack at least another dollar on to that. That would bring us up to the current cover cost of Red Hood And The Outlaws #1, written by Scott Lobdell with art by Kenneth Rocafort.

This book started with potential. Roy Harper supposedly went to Qurac to help the local populace overthrow their dictator and got thrown in prison for his troubles. Jason Todd travels to Qurac to break Roy Harper out of prison.

Hilarity and a body count ensue. Ok, not really. Just the body count.

All About The Pussy: Catwoman #1 Review

EDITOR’S NOTE: This review contains spoilers… although it would be hard to ruin it any worse than it already is.

When I was in high school, in those dark days before even the first Tim Burton Batman movie was released, it was hard to be a Batman fan. Based upon the fact that Batman lived with a prepubescent boy, I found myself spending an inordinate amount of time, time that I could have spent attempting to convince girls that reading Batman didn’t make me unfuckable,  instead defending the character as a heterosexual gynephile, based purely on implied attraction between Batman and Catwoman, including sidelong glances, near kisses, and vague double entendre.

You damn spoiled rotten kids today, what with your Anne Hathaway, and your slashfic, and your Catwoman #1.

Seriously: check this shit out:

Fairness Doctrine

And as always, it is Wednesday, and this…

…signals the conclusion of our broadcast day. For the past couple weeks we’ve featured the week’s New 52 releases – and yes, all 13 of this week’s are in that pile – but it seemed like a good time to take a step back and prove that those aren’t all that we read (I also read hardcore pornography! For the articles! Like when she screams “Aa!”).

Tune in throughout the week as we review the best and worst of this week’s new comics… And yes – at the top left you’re seeing the new Marv Wolfman and George Perez retro Teen Titans graphic novel Games. Is the hardcover-only release worth the 25 clams? Shit, we don’t know! Let us sober up, read it and get back to you!

See you tomorrow, suckers!

Just Punching The Clock: Green Lantern #1 Review

And now for one last pre-comic store opening review of last Wednesday’s books…

For most of Green Lantern’s history, the character had a weakness against the color yellow. That, however, was before the DC New 52 reboot. Now it is a whole new world, and Green Lantern apparently has only one weakness: the fucking inker.

Doug Mahnke has been drawing Green Lantern in the main book since 2009; his art is proven on Green Lantern, and was a welcome point of continuity between the pre and post New 52 universes. But then they hired inker Christian Alamy, who is a perfectly competent inker provided you want each panel of the book to look like Steve Dillon was given a case of Jameson to draw green rings on the hands of every character in an old issue of Preacher.

I’m serious – just take a look at this:

Oh, My God! They Killed Mitch! You Bastards: Review Of Resurrection Man #1

Mitch Shelley is a man with a problem. He can’t die. And when he does die, he comes back to life with some sort of freaky power that is related to the way that he died. Now, you might be asking yourself, “Self? How is that a problem? I’m all about things that don’t suck. Freaky powers and immortality don’t suck!” And you might be right, unless you’re Mitch Shelley.

The Walking Dead (Not That One)

When it comes to creative teams, DC’s New 52 is turning into Thunderdome: 52 teams enter… one team leaves… and if recent DC history’s any guide, that team will be Grant Morrison, an A-list artist to be named later, and a terrifyingly large pile of mescaline.

Last week it was John Rozum walking away from Static Shock, which was a shame because I had some hope for it; sure, the first issue didn’t grab either Amanda or I enough to review it, but Rozum’s responsible for writing 2002’s terrific and woefully underrated Midnight, Mass. from Vertigo, so I was hoping things would improve.

Instead, he chose to leave the title, absolving pretty much all parties involved of any blame by name, then saying with one breath that he was looking forward to doing more books with DC Comics and with the NEXT saying, “…if you are in the position to give me work, please let me know.” Which only tells me that if you want to know what REALLY happened there, you should attend next month’s New York ComicCon and fill that man with bourbon. And then send us an email. And then fill US with bourbon. But I digress.

Yesterday afternoon brought us another man down: Green Arrow writer J. T. Krul announced that he was leaving the book after the third issue: