Catwoman Vs. The Red Fox: Fox Affiliate Calls DC Comics “Playboy For Kids”

So it’s 56 years after Dr. Fredric Wertham dumped Seduction of the Innocent on us, driving EC Comics all but out of business and forcing the Comic Code Authority on us, guaranteeing that I would reach adolescence without having to see an awesome zombie eat some whiny teenager’s face, and now we have this shit:

Most people think of comic books for kids, but many of today’s comics are anything but that. Turn the pages of DC Comics now and you will find plenty of blood, sex and violence.

Ah, from Fox! The network that brought us Married With Children, 24 and Temptation Island! What else do you have for us, Washington DC Fox Washington DC affiliate WTTG General Assignment Reporter reporter Sherri Ly?

“It’s sort of like a fictionalized Playboy for kids at its worst,” said Neil Bernstein, Ph.D., a child psychologist and author of “How to Keep Your Teenager Out of Trouble.”

Critics worry the once family friendly genre has gone too far. Psychologists point out the overexposure to sex and violence for young children can encourage aggression.

“I think too many kids would be put in harm’s way or at risk,” Bernstein said.

Ah, where to begin… since I’m a dick, how’s about that first sentence (And I won’t even spend too much time pointing out the vile structure of that compound sentence, since I am one classy motherfucker)? “Most people,” huh? What’s your source? Some study? A survey? Your mom? No, I’m guessing your editor, and considering he let that first sentence through, I wouldn’t trust his judgment. Seriously, if you tried to submit that sentence to my journalism professors, they’d recommend you switch to a psych major just to save the red ink.

Gone Sideways: Batman #5 Review

Normally on Wednesday nights, we throw up a picture of the books we bought for the week and declare the end of broadcast for the day. This is because our local comic store is next to our local bar, and therefore by the time we get back to a computer we are normally hopelessly drunk. Tonight, however, the bar is closed for cleanup following a “human biological incident” that happened on Sunday, which is odd because I was there for hours on Sunday and can’t remember seeing anyone do anything like that. Or anything else, for that matter.

So I figured we might as well jump right in this week an do a short review of Batman #5.

This book is gonna get a lot of attention this week, for reasons that will become obvious as soon as you read it, but I’ll get to that in a minute. Let’s start with what I considered the biggest negative of this issue: it’s a Drive Batman Apeshit Crazy story. And Drive Batman Apeshit Crazy stories are pretty much a dime a dozen: Jim Starlin’s The Cult. Grant Morrison’s Arkham Asylum and, more recently, Zur En Arrh. The Jean-Paul Valley Batman / Punisher crossover… actually, that’s less a Drive Batman Apeshit Crazy story than a Batman Story that drove me Apeshit Crazy, but you get what I’m saying.

Scattershot: Suicide Squad #5 Review

On a lot of levels, the reboot of Suicide Squad has been a hot mess. It started with a psychological torture tale, moved into a zombie story and then transitioned quickly into a prison break movie with almost no segues or fanfare… and that’s all in what’s supposed to be a single, cohesive, five-issue story arc. In many ways it’s a failure, but what’s saving it is two things: a total commitment to the primary characters on the part of writer Adam Glass… with the keyword there being “primary,” because the second saving grace is the apparent willingness to kill just about any character at any time.

By the time this issue rolls around, what’s left of the Squad (We’ve lost one or two via simple escape, gunshot wound, the odd zombie attack and fatal viral infection… only some of which may have been passed on by Harley Quinn) is stuck behind bars, infected with something called the Rot Virus (Yeah, sounds like Harley) and charged with quelling a prison riot before the bombs they had stuck in their brain stems. So long story short, Glass is throwing everything at the wall to amp up the tension. Deadshot’s out of bullets. El Diablo might have to kill someone. Waller’s trapped two floors above the riot. And the tension works… for those characters.

When I was a kid, I developed a theory called “Murder She Wrote Logic,” which was borne out of (duh) Murder She Wrote. Whenever you watched that show, you didn’t need to look at the evidence or the logic or anything else; all you had to do was look at who was least likely to be the killer, and you knew that they were the perp. You can use the same logic on Suicide Squad: whichever characters are drawn in broad strokes are doomed. The aforementioned Deadshot, El Diablo and Amanda Waller are well drawn out with reasonably solid dialogue and characterization, so they make it. Others like Yo-Yo, and Voltaic in the first issue? Meat for the machine, man. It’s an area where the book falls down; yeah, Glass will kill members of the team – something you’d expect to see in a book called Suicide Squad – but you can pretty much call who’s dead the first time they speak. They might as well show Deadshot a picture of their grandkids and tell him how many days they have left until retirement.

What Happens When Batman: The Animated Series Meets The Dark Knight Rises?

Awesomeness. That’s what.

Over on The Mary Sue, Jill Pantozzi, who you may know as @TheNerdyBird on Twitter, recently shared this video mash up of Batman: The Animated Series and the sound footage of The Dark Knight Rises trailer (via Geek Tyrant):

It’s weird, but I somehow understand Bane better in this version. Maybe because I don’t have to look at the weird face mask/grill thing he wears in the movie:

That's some head gear! You need to look into other orthodontists.

The Dark Knight Rises is set to be released in US theaters on July 20, 2012.

Mixed Martial Artistry: Batgirl #5 Review

The latest issue of Batgirl opens with a shot of Batgirl’s splayed-open ass and ends with her at about crotch-level to Bruce Wayne, who is in the process of preparing to beat her with a crowbar. In between, in at least three different panels, she is hit so hard her face is temporarily deformed – literally, the pretty is smacked off her face. If I had written this, my writing would be decried as reprehensible on every female-centric comics Web site in the world. This book, however, was written by Gail Simone, so y’know… women power?

Don’t get me wrong; I liked this book. It’s the start of a new story arc so it’s a good jumping-on point, it’s got a new villain we’re just beginning to learn about, some interesting character background beats involving Barbara Gordon’s mother, and plenty of action. And frankly, there is a lot of fairly graphic violence for a superhero book, and while I talked a little shit before, it was actually kind of refreshing; fighting crime in Gotham City would not be good for you. Plus, I’ve got a thing for redheads, so it’s got that going for it.

How To Terminate A Terminator In One Easy Step – Rob Liefeld To Take Over Deathstroke At DC

According to Comics Alliance, comics illustrator and mangled foot enthusiast, Rob Liefeld, is set to take over both art and writing duties on Deathstroke from the current team of writer Kyle Higgins and artist Joe Bennett beginning with issue nine. This is a very interesting turn of events, particularly in light of the fact that DC also recently turned the writing of Hawk and Dove over to Liefeld from Sterling Gates (best porn name ever, by the way), a title on which Liefeld already had penciling duties, only to then turn around and cancel the whole damn thing. So, in order to save the title, it was necessary to destroy the title. Apparently.

Seems auspicious for Deathstroke, eh?

But, on the off chance DC decides not to send Slade Wilson off to the great Retirement Home In The Sky For B List Villains, how does Rob Liefeld plan to ruin plot the book that I’ve currently been enjoying for the past five issues?

Look, Ma! Deathstroke! No feet! After the jump.

Roll Me Over, Lay Me Down and Do It Again: DC Comics New New 52

Well, we knew it was coming – the DC brass all but told us it was – but DC’s New 52 is now the New 46.

DC has announced that they are canceling Men of War, Blackhawks, O.M.A.C., Mister Terrific, Static Shock, and, in the interest of at least some justice, Rob Leifeld’s Hawk & Dove, after their respective eighth issues.

But since DC’s multiverse includes 52 worlds, and because the only words that rhymes with “46” are “ticks,” “dicks,” and “pricks,” they will be releasing six new regular books in May, including:

Get It In The Back For A Buck: Batman Backup Stories

A cynical man might say that the real story here is: yeah, the price of Batman is jumping up to $3.99. An optimist might say that we’re finally getting some solid background on the Court of Owls, co-written by Scott Snyder and drawn by Rafael Albuquerque. A realist like me might say, “Fuck. Now I have to review two stories every month.”

What are we gonna be forking over twelve and a half cents a page for, Scott?

…We Thought They’d Never End

2011 was one hell of a big year for DC Comics, a year of bold moves against the grain of what Marvel was doing, proudly proclaimed with bold slogans on their comics’ covers: “Holding the line at $2.99!” and “The New 52!” But, as tends to happen with all well-meaning slogans, like “habeas corpus” and “I’ll pull out,” some things are easier to say than to live up to.

In an extensive interview with Newsarama’s Vaneta Rogers, DC Comics Vice President of Sales John Rood and SVP of Sales Bob Wayne announced that Batman and Detective comics will be bumping up to $3.99, while increasing their page count for additional “story and editorial content.” No word, however, on what “editorial content” means. Could be interesting backmatter… could be grainy photos of Grant Morrison’s junk.

Occupy Gotham: Detective Comics #5 Review

EDITOR’S NOTE: Spoiler alert! No, not Stephanie Brown, I just ruin the story for you.

The first four issue arc of Detective Comics was one of the most pleasant surprises of DC Comics’ New 52: tightly written with an interesting new villain, excellent art, and with the best cliffhanger of all September’s comics where The Joker’s face is apparently torn off and nailed to a wall. And what was most remarkable about the run to me was that it was written by Tony Daniel, who is first and foremost an artist. Now we’re on issue five. And it turns out that as a writer? Maybe Tony Daniel is a hell of an artist.

This  issue really felt like Daniel said, “Okay, I put my all into those first four issues… now what the fuck am I gonna do?” He opens up with a riff on Occupy Wall Street – which means he probably only came up with this arc within the past couple of months – and since this protest is pro-Joker, it just falls flat to me. Don’t get me wrong, as a Watchmen fan, I am totally willing to accept the concept of a good anti-vigilante demonstration in comics, but pro-Joker? In Gotham City? That’s about as believable as a pro al-Queda rally in lower Manhattan, or a pro-Beiber riot in Max’s Kansas City. It just doesn’t ring true.