Ihre Papiere, Bitte, Or: Let’s See Some ID, Fat Indian Superman (If That Is Your Real Name)

San Diego Comic-Con is only six-ish weeks away, which takes it out of the ephemeral realm of “some thing I’ve been planning to do for 45 weeks” and puts it firmly in the area of “something concrete to look forward to other than the sweet, sweet release of death.”

That’s right: only six weeks before the biggest pop culture event of the year, with exciting comics news! Unparalleled access to the biggest comic creators and TV and movie stars! And random stops by red-shirted security goons, stopping you on your way to a photo op with a fat dude dressed as Batwoman, to ask for your papers.

Wait, what?

Dan DiDio Enrages Royalty, Turns People Gay

Historically, Dan DiDio’s panels at San Diego Comic-Con are amongst my favorites every year. The dude has, at least publically, a visceral enthusiasm for DC Comics that is infectious to a crowd… but one which has a fine, keen edge, that isn’t difficult to strike off of true. When Dan’s forced off script, there can be unintended consequences, from unexpected revelations to real tension. Just ask San Diego Batgirl.

Well, this weekend is Mark Millar’s Kapow convention in London, Dan’s been doing panels, and has made a few interesting revelations about the immediate future of DC Comics… the first being that Wonder Woman, ambassador of peace from Paradise Island and the most famous strong female superhero ever created by a polyamorous bondage nut, might be preparing to kill us all.

Nerdpocalypse Begins: San Diego Comic-Con 2012 Passes Sold Out

Let me tell you a story: in March 2006, hotel sales began for that year’s San Diego Comic-Con at noon eastern time. I logged into the sales Web site, picked a few likely hotels, went out to lunch, called Amanda to get her opinions on where we might like to stay, returned to the day job and attended an hour-long meeting, and booked the room at about 3 p.m. Flip ahead about two months, when I realized, “Huh… if we’re gonna actually do this, I should book a flight and get, you know, passes to the actual Goddamned convention…” and I logged in and got four-day passes without a hitch.

That was 2006, and our first SDCC. It is now 2012. Passes for this year’s SDCC went on sale yesterday at 11 a.m. eastern time. By 11:30 a.m., all four-day passes were sold out. By straight-up noon? Tough luck, Charlie; yer either in or yer out.

Rebellion Bias: Spurlock’s Comic-Con Documentary Trailer

Morgan Spurlock is one of those documentary directors that, like Michael Moore, makes my dad act like the sharp edge of his jock just poked through his jockeys and mutter about “liberal bias,” and “stilted opinions,” and “I like supersized fries, Goddammit.” My dad prefers the editorial vision of, say, a Sean Hannity… the difference between Spurlock and Hannity being that if Hannity showed up at SDCC he’d be roofied for spite, with videos of a line of furries angrily yiffing his leg soon to follow on YouTube. When Spurlock goes, he gets a documentary about it.

The flick is called Comic-Con Episode IV: A Fan’s Hope, and it follows a few attendees around the con (if memory serves, based on the Alien facehugger freebie masks that people are waving around, it looks like at least some of it was filmed at the 2010 convention), and provides a general sense of what it’s like to be there… minus the terminal exhaustion, unexplained physical breakdowns, and unless the film costs $1,500 to attend with another $1,200 for snacks, the cost.

Regardless, you can get a taste by checking out the movie’s trailer after the jump.

The Long Con

Anyone who’s ever been to a major convention – and as veterans of six San Diego Comic-Cons, we at Crisis on Infinite Midlives certainly qualify – knows that they can be a trying experience. Between crowds, cosplayers, BO, frustrated creators who feel waylaid by rude fans, fans who feel slighted by cosplaying creators with BO, and Dirk Benedict, tempers can get a little frayed. It can be hard for anyone to know how they’re supposed to act.

Thankfully, fan favorite comic writer Peter David has written The Fan / Pro Bill Of Rights, which lays out some honestly excellent and well-thought guidelines as to how to act at a convention for the uninitiated. Which we will, in turn, experience with a sense of humor, which is how we experience conventions so we don’t wind up chucking a flying elbow smash into every Type II diabetic oozing over of every surface of a Little Rascal except for the tires, which are oozing over my feet.

Kick us off, Peter!