Leaked Exclusive(ish) Avengers (Related) Footage!

At last weekend’s New York Comic Con, Marvel Studios debuted the first new footage from the upcoming Joss Whedon-directed Avengers movie to be screened since the official trailer dropped last week.

Before showing the new footage, the panel’s moderator admonished the crowd not to film the footage, with Mark Ruffalo warning attendees: “Don’t make me angry.”

But someone did film the footage…

…or at least we assume that someone did, because people are like that. But no matter how much Irished-up coffee we pour down our heads to make the search longer and more interesting, we can’t find the fucking thing online yet. Sorry about that.

But to appease those who may have wandered here from our dishonest, Google-whoring headline, we do have the new Clark Gregg-starred Phil Coulson: Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. short, A Funny Thing Happened On The Way to Thor’s Hammer, in its entirety, after the jump.

The Mighty Scoobies… I Mean Avengers Trailer

Okay, so by process of elimination, Black Widow has to be Buffy. So the immortal creature for whom she futilely pines, again, by process of elimination, has to be Thor (If Buffy boned Angel he’d lose his soul. If Black Widow nails Thor she’ll lose her spine… unless there’s a “Condom of Thor” part of Viking myth I’m not familiar with… and if there is, I don’t want to know how it knows “if he be worthy“).

The powerful blond guy who threatens to make it a love triangle has to be Captain America. The non-powered, wisecracking Scooby has to be Iron Man, which means that Willow, the former nerd who discovers great, almost uncontrollable power by embracing the dark side… well hell, by process of elimination, that means that Willow has to be The Hulk. Tough break, Bruce… although it explains the name “Bruce”.

So that means that Hawkeye’s Dawn. Wow… once I said that, it was the first time I irrationally and viscerally hated Hawkeye’s face. Anyway…

As promised in yesterday’s podcast, the trailer for Marvel’s Joss Whedon-directed The Avengers appears after the jump.

Crisis On Infinite Midlives Podcast Episode 4: The Justice of F***ing

We here at Crisis On Infinite Midlives finally kicked the cold and got healthy! And then we celebrated with cheap liquor and got sick a different way, so once again, here we are, a day late and a dollar… where’s our f***ing dollar!?

In this week’s episode, we drool over the new trailer for the Avengers movie, we thank DC Comics for announcing that they’ll be selling comics on the Amazon Kindle Fire (When we bought a f***ing Barnes & Noble Nook Color six months ago) by speculating which New 52 book will be canceled first (and which should be canceled first), and talk about our sleeper books of the week!

In addition:

• Amanda would like to announce that she was incorrect when she said that Alex Maleev was the creator of Echo! She meant to say it was Jesus!
• Here’s Rob’s review of The Strange Talent of Luther Strode!
• While tomorrow we will be posting a full-on video of the Avengers trailer in family-friendly and buggy Flash video, here’s the Quicktime edition so that Steve Jobs can cockblock you with upgrade warnings from the grave!
• And simply look up and to the left to see happens when you Google “Captain America Liefeld Boobs”! (via Grotesque Anatomy)

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 45:57 — 42.1MB)

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Enjoy the show, suckers! And if you don’t, we’ll show you what happens when you Google “Liefeld Mantits No Seriously Just Liefeld’s Mantits”!

Pissed Men: Avengers: 1959 Review

Since AMC’s show Mad Men became a hit by turning mid-20th century nostalgia into a bankable commodity and by casting Vincent Kartheiser in his second role where I want to stomp his balls off, it was only a matter of time before the copycats started showing up. Much like Raiders of the Lost Ark begat Tales of the Gold Monkey and Bring ‘Em Back Alive, this year Mad Men has given us the creatively leeched Pan Am and The Playboy Club… with pretty much the same predictable results.

And so what with Marvel Comics hoping to bring in new readers and not being fools (Because Marvel doesn’t reboot! Marvel doesn’t NEED to reboot to keep their number one market sh… wait, what?), Marvel’s thrown their own hat in the Good-Old-Days ring with Avengers: 1959, apparently having missed the twin memos that the current trend is toward reliving the 1960’s, and that the last go-round with 1950’s nostalgia ended by jumping the shark. Literally.

Look: I’ve been around the block enough to know that the idea of a comics company sniffing for a bandwagon to jump on is hardly new. Let’s face reality: if Roy Thomas hadn’t snapped up Star Wars license, then Marvel would be the ones trying to pretend they hadn’t released Star Hunters – a comic so bad they pulled the “kill the hero and bring him back with a new costume to save the book” trick 120 days after the book started. Being a realist I know that if Mad Men was about Christopher Street in New York, Marvel would be releasing Avengers: What Price Glory Hole? right now. So I won’t try to hold the copycat feeling against this book.

I’m Assuming There’s A Point

EDITOR’S NOTE: This story was updated 10/1/2011 with details about the fifth teaser. You can read more after the jump.

Earlier this year, Marvel rolled out the concept of a “Point One” issue of their books – an issue outside a book’s normal 12-issue run that would be written as a one-and-done book that wasn’t heavily tied into ongoing continuity to act as a jumping on point for new readers. Meaning that they’re old-school annuals, for all intents and purposes, but I’m guessing somewhere along the line Marvel realized “.1” is more attractive than “Annual”… or at least it is when you’re paying the printer by the letter.

Apparently the Point One initiative’s been pretty successful, and I tend to agree – we’ll probably be reviewing Black Panther 523.1 later week, and while we didn’t get a chance to review X-Factor #224.1, it was a tight story that was one hell of a way to get into the best X-Book you’re not reading. And it seems it’s been successful enough that earlier this week, Marvel announced a 64-page Point One issue for the entire Marvel Universe, where they’ll be teasing their events for 2012 and “the return of fan-demanded characters.” (But Marvel doesn’t reboot! Because Marvel makes no mistakes! And pay no attention to the fact that Bucky Barnes has been dead twice since 2005 while still co-headlining his own book!)

All week long, Marvel’s been rolling out teaser images for the one-shot, including stuff you’d expect for an event teaser, like Brian Michael Bendis’s and Bryan Hitch’s upcoming Ultron arc in Avengers and Matt Fraction’s already-announced Defenders book with penciller Terry Dodson… but they’ve also teased a return of Nova by Jeph Loeb and Ed McGuinness… and yesterday they teased, well… THIS:

Don’t You Forget About Me: New Avengers #16 Review

EDITOR’S NOTE: This review contains spoilers. How many spoilers? Well, I’m going to include a scan of 9/10th of the last page of the fucking story. The only way to more effectively ruin a climax involves a Donkey Punch. You are warned.

I would like to start by saying, clearly and unambiguously, that I liked New Avengers #16. The story is excellent, the art is spectacular, and the action is almost unrelenting. This is a good comic book. Are we clear?

Good.

Because now I am going to rank it out for a little while.

Laying Cable: Marvel Announces Avengers: X-Sanction

Yesterday afternoon, Marvel announced in a conference call that their next big event will be called Avengers: X-Sanction, written by Jeph Loeb and penciled by Ed McGuinness. The story will focus on the Avengers – probably to keep focus on the team for the release of the Joss Whedon movie nest summer – and will feature the return of Cable, the popular mutant character killed in the X-Men Second Coming event last summer. Cable, who was introduced in New Mutants in 1990 by *eyeroll* *drool* *take back fuck I threatened to give*

Okay, maybe that’s not fair and a little premature. Let’s see what Loeb has in mind for the story:

As to how Cable’s mission relates to the Avengers, Loeb said he “doesn’t want to give away too much,” but “how Cable survived ‘Messiah Complex’ and ‘Second Coming’ — and I do consider those one big arc — if there had been even a hint that the Avengers had something to do with Hope’s future, he would… do something to them.”

…[Marvel Senior Vice President of Publishing Tom] Brevoort said the event puts Cable in conflict with characters readers aren’t used to seeing him with. “The definition of Cable as a father out to protect his daughter by any means necessary gives the character a weight and heft you can relate to on a very human level.” There are also “some larger situations going on” for both Nate and the Avengers.

Okay, THAT changes things. NOW I feel… yeah: I got nothing.