No One Can Find Weapons of Mass Destruction: White House Denies Death Star Petition

Hey, didja know that, if you’re an American citizen, you can go the the White House Web site and set up a petition to the President of The United States? And if enough people sign it, the White House will issue an official response? What a nice way to make the people feel involved in the process of government, and to make it seem like we, the people, have the ability to request that our government consider the thing we want most.

Important things that could affect every American. Like the construction of a technological terror capable of destroying an entire planet.

You read right: someone started a petition to the President of The United States to begin the construction of a Death Star. And around 25,000 of my fellow Americans signed their names to this pursuit – heroes all! – telling their elected officials that their highest priority is, above health care and deficit control and environmental concerns and the squashing of foreign enemies, the creation of a battle station capable of solving all of these problems by rendering them into a meteor shower, or perhaps some kind of asteroid collision that’s not on any of the charts.

And more importantly? The White House has issued an official response. A taxpayer-funded official response. To a request made by 0.008 percent of the population of the United States.

That we build a fucking Death Star.

Boot To The Head – Will You Be Watching “King Of The Nerds”?

While cruising the internet this afternoon I was reminded by the fine folks over at Comics Alliance that a new program called King Of The Nerds will be debuting next week. Other than giving Booger continued employment opportunities, the premise appears to be sticking a handful of self proclaimed nerds in a house together and then force them various nerd themed challenges for the pleasure of reality TV viewers. Contestants seem to run the gamut of nerd types, from the bookish accountant type to the full on elf ear wearing, orc-ish speaking sorts.

I’m not sure there’s enough whiskey in the world to get me to watch this program, but check out the trailer for yourself after the jump.

The Superior Superior Spider-Man: Scarlet Spider #13 Review

I’ve kinda lost track of what’s been going on in Scarlet Spider over the past few months, but this week seemed like a good time to jump back in for a couple of reasons, the first being that, with the recent events in The Amazing Spider-Man and The Superior Spider-Man, I had a taste for a story about a Spider-powered hero who isn’t a reincarnated vainglorious blowhard… and it takes a lot to make a story about a spider-clone to seem like a palate-cleanser.

The second reason was that the book’s recent Minimum Carnage event is over. Don’t get me wrong: not having read the event, I really can’t address that there was anything particularly wrong with it per se, but once I heard the title of the event at last year’s San Diego Comic-Con, I had a problem with half of it. I’ll give you a hint: it wasn’t “minimum.” Suffice it to say that, when it comes to Carnage? Yeah, not a fan.

So Scarlet Spider #13 is my first jump back into the title in some time, and my first time back with the character since the closing events of The Amazing Spider-Man. And this is gonna be a strange review because of it, because, coming back into the book immediately after reading those events, I’ll tell you this: if there aren’t plans to cross the Doc Ock version of Spider-Man over, at least briefly, with Kaine? Either The Superior Spider-Man writer Dan Slott, or Scarlet Spider writer Christopher Yost, or both, aren’t thinking things through.

Truth, Justice And The American Way: Warner Bros. Finally Wins Rights To Superman

Update, 1/11/2013, 10:10 a.m.: Jeff Trexler at Comics Beat has a pretty detailed rundown of the decision and its overall meaning.

It was probably a foregone conclusion, given years of contracts and lawsuits and back-of-the-check work for hire agreements and thousand upon thousands of court hours – sweet, sweet lawyer-billable hours – but it appears that the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals has all but given the rights to Superman to Warner Bros.

In a decision handed down earlier today, the court asserted that an October lower court decision that denied Warner Bros.’s claim that a letter, sent to Warner in 2001 by one of Superman co-creator Jerry Siegel’s heirs, constituted the acceptance of a settlement offer over the whole rights mess and therefore meant that the question of who owned what and when and why and under what threats of which ruinous lawsuit or where the promise of torture was made and how. So with that issue resolved, it means that, unless someone wants to take this to the Supreme Court – assuming the Supreme Court wants to spend time talking about comic books – Warner Bros. owns the rights to use Superman pretty much lock stock and barrel.

A Resounding Who?: Dan Trachtenberg To Direct Y: The Last Man

Brian K. Vaughn’s and Pia Guerra’s Vertigo comic Y: The Last Man has been in development by New Line Studios for more than five years, not that the phrase “in development” really has any meaning. After all, Preacher has been popping on and off Hollywood’s radar for years, in development as both a movie and a TV show, with heavy hitters like Skyfall director Sam Mendes and John Cusack rumored to be attached at one point or another (until Mendes grabbed James Bond and Cusack apparently started believing that “Preacher” was some form of synthetic mescaline), and somewhere in a trunk I have a bad xerox of a draft of Blue Beetle writer John Rogers’s Mage: The Hero Discovered screenplay that’s dated something like 2001, and at this point, I think we’re more likely to see Mage: The Hero Denied before that flick gets made.

So what with the years of dithering –  and my personal belief that the minute someone actually shouts “Action” on a Y: The Last Man flick, science fiction writer Frank Herbert’s estate will swoop down with a crippling lawsuit, as we have established that those guys will do any awful Goddamned thing for money – it didn’t seem like a Y movie would ever get made.

And it still might not. But it’s at least a step closer. Because Deadline is reporting that Dan Trachtenberg is now attached to direct the thing.

And if you’re a Y: The Last Man fan like me, who owns every issue of the series and is praying this movie gets made and is a hit so he can sell those issues and maybe afford health insurance someday, you probably heard this news, sat up straight, and said: “Who?”

Robbing Peter: The Superior Spider-Man #1 Review

Editor’s Note: I’ve come to say goodbye to my old life. A life wasted on spoilers and ruined plot twists. A man whose sole victory was cheating comic readers… by switching – ah, screw it. This review contains spoilers. Many. many spoilers.

I’m done. Done accepting things the way we are. I swear to you… from now on… whenever I’m around, wherever I am… …No one dies!
– Peter Parker

Okay, that’s one way to end a comic book. But we’ll talk about that later.

So here we are: the first issue of a Spider-Man comic with Otto Octavius riding the peak seat, and our first chance to see how he handles the, well, power and responsibility. And coming out of the events of The Amazing Spider-Man #700, that was a serious question; sure, we’ve known what Doctor Octopus is like for the past fifty years, and it seems unlikely that an arrogant megalomaniac like that is likely to turn over a new leaf just because he can suddenly see his dick for the first time since Eisenhower was President. But still, we’ve seen that Ock obtained access to all of Peter’s memories and experiences, which could have an effect on Otto. So the question is: how does he behave as Spider-Man?

A lot like a supervillain, actually. But not in the way that you’d think.

Batdancing: Teen Titans #15 Review

Editor’s Note: And one last review of the comics of 1/2/2013 before the comic stores open with this week’s take…

Teen Titans #15, written by Scott Lobdell and Fabian Nicieza and drawn by Brett Booth, is a strange read. It’s part of the Death of The Family crossover going through the Batman Family books, and it features the same Joker as those books, with his skinned face strapped to his head, and ostensibly more terrifying than ever, but it doesn’t feel of that crossover. Where most of the other issues in this crossover put the focus on how Joker is more modern and direct and personally violent in many ways, this issue feels almost… quaint. Sure, it has several characters talking about how deadly Joker is, and how frightening it is to face off with him, but the overall feeling is that it comes from another era. An era of death traps and convoluted master plans and big primary colors and crappy gag lines.

This is a 90s comic book, from the plotting to the scripting to even the art style. It is a strange fit with the terror and brutality that has been the stock in trade of the rebooted Joker in other issues of Death of The Family, and it therefore feels… odd. It is like being in line for an Odd Future concert and seeing someone roll into the parking lot in a neon blue Dodge Neon with flames and a spoiler, and seeing the driver jumping out with Hammerpants and a Kid-N-Play fade haircut. It is retro where retro is not needed – or necessarily wanted – and therefore the instinct is to beat the perpetrator like a rented goalie.

And make no mistake: I will be throwing some punches at Teen Titans #15… however, there is some good stuff in this issue, and that deserves some attention, too. After all – M. C. Hammer and the Houseparty movies didn’t make a billion dollars twenty years ago because they were always reprehensible to everyone everywhere.

Dropping The Hammer (At Least I Hope It’s The Hammer): Walt Simonson on Indestructible Hulk

Amanda reported earlier about Marvel’s new one-word teaser – part of what’s looking to be a new round for already-introduced comics from the Marvel Now relaunch (but not a reboot! Because Marvel doesn’t reboot! And Spider-Man has always had feet that looked like Mickey Mouse was crippled by polio!) – hinting that the Doc Ock version of Spider-Man is possibly going to lose his Avengers ID card and all associated rights, privileges, upgrade miles and punches toward a free six-inch sub.

That, however, wasn’t the only teaser up Marvel’s sleeve today. To wit: legendary The Mighty Thor artist Walt Simonson will be taking over art duties, at least temporarily, from Leinil Yu on Indestructible Hulk. And Marvel being Marvel, they had a teaser to go with the news…

Winning Friends And Influencing People – “Superior Spider-Man” Fired…Don’t Get Excited Yet.

Marvel is throwing another comic book teaser our way, this one somewhat less mysterious than yesterday’s XX promo, but still ambiguous enough to make us wonder…

…how can “that old Parker luck” (as Comic Book Resources called it) run out so fast when Peter Parker isn’t even driving the bus anymore? I mean, look at those faces teased up on that image: OctoSpidey seems to have pissed off the whole of The Avengers and gotten himself fired. That’s fast work, faster than my Uncle Louie can get himself drunk, disorderly and tasered at GED Prom Night Zumba at the Learning Annex.

In any event, the “Fired” teaser also points to a new arc that will see Ryan Stegman departure. Humberto Ramos will be joining writer Dan Slott, as penciler. Fans of big-eyed, lanky looking manga type characters, rejoice.

Superior Spider-Man drops at your LCS this Wednesday, January 9. Slott and Ramos’s new arc begins in April 2013.

Days of Future Magic Past: Justice League Dark #15 Review

Editor’s Note: What is it with you people? Do I have some kind of sign on me back, “Walking Spoiler Bank – Withdrawals Welcome”? Is that it?

What with the news about Guillermo del Toro having a movie in early pre-production about basically every character from DC’s Dark line, it seems like as good a time as any to check back in with Justice League Dark, which features just about all the characters del Toro want to work with.

Frankly, my enthusiasm for the title has waned in the face of Vertigo’s cancellation of Hellblazer (sure, John Constantine’s in Justice League Dark, but that ain’t Hellblazer), despite the title being taken over by Jeff Lemire, who is a damn good writer of weird shit, and who seemed to understand that if you’re going to see people a team book, it’s probably a good idea to have them be a fucking team. But the fact of the matter is that there’s nothing like knowing a movie is coming out about a comic to ramp up your excitement about a book. And God knows, Justice League Dark #15 will remind you that, yup, there’s a comic book movie coming out.

Unfortunately, that movie is X-Men: Days of Future Past.