Unlike The Home Office, Superman Is Unbound

Well, the good news is that professional people with some weird forms of PKE Meters have cleared the Crisis On Infinite Midlives Home Office of any signs of water damage and / or Black Mold. The bad news is that the entire ordeal took a lot more time than I anticipated, and beyond that, now my dreams of chucking the workaday world of comics blogging in favor of a home-grown psilocybin farming business (but I still own the name Boston Baseboard Shrooms! And all it’s subsidiary rights!) have officially gone tits up.

And the worse news is that, even as the Home Office has been cleared for human habitation… yeah, heavy windstorms in Boston have knocked out our Internet. Meaning that we can only do a quick update today, using my aged cell phone as a half-assed Wi-Fi hotspot, in clear violation of my terms of service, and way outside the scope of what the good folks at Westinghouse Electrical Notions and Radio Communication Geegaws intended.

But we do have a bit of news: Warner Bros. has released a teaser trailer for their latest upcoming animated, direct-to-video feature. It’s gonna be Superman: Unbound, and based on a Geoff Johns written and Gary Franks drawn series in Action Comics back in 2008. Now, I’m not the biggest Superman fan in the world, but I have never seen a bad DC animated feature, and this one looks to be just as solid.

The feature’s gonna star the voice talents of Matt Bomer (from White Collar) as Superman and Molly Quinn as Supergirl, And you can check out the trailer after the jump… in theory, assuming my shaky, improvised Internet access holds (and if it doesn’t we’ll fix it when we have more signal).

Sticky Fingers: The Superior Spider-Man #2 Review

Editor’s Note: Let me go wild, like a spoiler in the sun…

The problem with The Superior Spider-Man #2 is the scene. The scene.

You will know The Scene when you see it. In fact, you will have some difficulty unseeing it. And given that Doc Ock is occupying Peter Parker’s body, and given that Ock, a former ugly duckling, is suddenly in the body of a guy that can allow him to do things that he has never been able to do, while not necessarily understanding how to do those things, the scene makes complete and total sense.

And yet The Scene overpowers almost everything else in the issue, and it does it unnecessarily. Sure, it serves a purpose in furthering a main plot point, but it does it in a way where you almost won’t remember the plot point it furthers. The Scene just about turns this issue into the comics equivalent of Vincent Gallo’s Brown Bunny: do you have any idea what Brown Bunny is about? Of course not, all you know is that Gallo got his cock sucked by Chloe Sevigny on camera.

And we will address The Scene, and how it affects the comic… which, in spite of the scene, gives us more Peter Parker than I would have expected even a month ago, and which finally shows some real signs that maybe, just maybe, Otto Octavius really has some elements to be a superior Spider-Man… and, in some areas, a superior Peter Parker.

You know, if you can get past The Scene.

Hype, The Final Frontier: New Star Trek Into Darkness Talking Head Video

It has been a busy week here at the Crisis On Infinite Midlives Home Office; our neighbors seem to have decided to leave Boston for the winter to avoid the stretch of zero-degree weather we had the last week. They also apparently decided to save themselves a big gas bill by leaving their heat off, which is something that all plumbing enjoys during zero degree weather. So we have been plagued with inspections for water damage and potential burgeoning Black Mold by firefighters and building managers, all who whom espoused concern about our health while nervously eyeing the office stashes of whiskey and cigarettes.

We have a tentative All Clear call, so hopefully our posting schedule will return more to normal soon. But we only have time this morning to provide you with the latest hype video for J. J. Abrams’s Star Trek Into Darkness… which is basically a replay of the original trailer with a bunch of people involved in the movie waxing orgasmically over the experience of working on the film. Which you can check out after the jump.

Pulp With A (Bad) Twist: The Spider #8 Review

For most people, when they think about pulp fiction, they think about period pieces. They picture men in tailored clothing driving vintage Packards, going from swanky cocktail party to party, pausing only to could mens’ minds and then shoot them in the face with a .45 before flying off on a rocket pack or autogyro or something. This is probably a natural association, as most of the classic pulp stories were published in the early 20th century, back when if a man wanted a little titilation, he needed to purchase a nickel story about a pulp hero rescuing a scantily-clad dame in chained dangers. You know, as opposed to today, when a man can pound his fist on his computer keyboard and see pictures of women and fine china, but not using it in a way that Lamont Cranston would find appropriate.

But that’s not necessarily what pulp fiction is at all. For your standard debonair urban pulp vigilante, all you need is a rich socialite, preferably an industrialist, with resources, an ally or group of allies working with him in his crusade on crime, and some kind of costume for his nocturnal activities. Oh – and a gun, and the willingness to use it. Sure, sometimes it’s better to place it in the 1930s or 1940s, when the idea of a guy being able to run around killing criminals without being caught made more sense since most people believed that a “fingerprint” was some form of sex act, possibly related to a Rusty Trombone, but the era doesn’t matter if you have the core elements at place.

So by that measure, The Spider #8, written by David Liss with art by Ivan Rodriguez, is most decidedly a pulp story. Richard Wentworth is a wealthy industrialist with a bodyguard who helps him in his adventures, a Margo Lane in reporter Nita Van Sloan, and even a gimmicky nemesis. And he has a pair of guns to completely make the nut. And it does it all set in good old 21st Century urban America… but it also does it with the worst of pulp tropes: a plot twist so obvious that a blind man could see it coming. For all the cool modernized pulp elements of The Spider #8, it most decidedly will not cloud any man’s mind.

Steampunk Ghostbusters: Witch Doctor: Mal Practice #3 Review

Witch Doctor has always been a book that has been pretty unabashed about wearing its influences on it’s sleeve. If you take a step back – and not even a big step – and unfocus your eyes a little bit, you can see past the characters on the page and see Ghostbuster jumpsuits, with Dr. Gregory House peeking out from Dr. Vincent Morrow’s eyes, and if you could get your hands on the plans for any given building, in the book, you’d probably see “Tim Burton, Architect” signed at the bottom.

This should be a recipe for disaster. After all, think about every groundbreaking hit movie you’ve seen, and then think about how many “homages” to that hit that came out a year and a half later, and how good they actually were. Sure, everyone loves Raiders of The Lost Ark, but a dare you to find me someone who pops wood over, say,Nate & Hayes, orHigh Road to Chinaor even someone who remembers them without resorting to IMDB – and one of those even starred the guy who was originally cast as Indiana Jones. Sure, the parts are all there, but just because they were magic in one place doesn’t mean they can work when you grab them and drop them someplace else.

So yeah: if you stop and think too much about Witch Doctor: Mal Practice #3 too much, you’ll see all the pieces working under the hood. And, depending on what kind of reader you are, that might prove too distracting to really get into the book. Which would be a shame, because even though you can see all the influences at work, writer Brandon Seifert and artist Lukas Ketner has put together one hell of a fun book, with entertaining and funny dialogue, nifty gadgets, and satisfying action. Sure, you’ve seen some of what underpins this story before… but you don’t see it done well often.

We Have A Lot To Talk About – New Walking Dead Trailer

I can barely contain my excitement: this new promo for The Walking Dead television show has Rick and The Governor finally squaring off. As The Governor puts it to Rick, “We have a lot to talk about.”

I am now at the point where I am looking forward more to February 3rd because it’ll mean it’s a week before The Walking Dead returns and not because it’s the Superbowl. Not that I really watch that for anything other than the commercials these days anyway. Stupid, suck ass Tom Brady. Anywho, speaking of commercials, here’s the trailer:

The Walking Dead return to television on AMC, February 10.

Via AMCTV.com

Some Unknown Dude Apparently Knows His Stuff: J. J. Abrams WILL Direct Star Wars

Disney and Lucasfilm clearly have a deeply-rooted hatred of honest, hardworking writers about comics and genre entertainment. There is no other reason for them, after a full day of unanswered and anonymously-sourced rumors that J. J. Abrams has been hired to direct Star Wars: Episode VII, to finally issue a press release on the subject. On Friday night. Well after what is widely accepted and known as Beer O’Clock amongst decent comics bloggers. So by the time I noticed it, I thought that the fine folks at the Disney Corporation had declared war upon us. And that they were sending J. J. Abrams to direct the attack, with Lawrence Kasdan and Simon Kinberg in consulting positions. And that, for some reason, they had sent two press releases side by side, and that they were coated with something that was making the room spin. Sure, more bourbon helped, but after that, I became convinced that Lucasfilm was trying to sell me some herbal Viagra. Things get a little hazy after that.

But it is morning now. The birds are singing, the sun is bright, and I have finished throwing up. And it turns out that, yeah: Disney and Lucasfilm has confirmed that J. J. Abrams has signed on to direct the new Star Wars movie after all. We’ve got the press release after the jump… and here’s hoping that it treats you better than it did me last night.

Kill Your Heroes: Deadpool Killustrated #1 Review

So Deadpool goes around killing every major hero in the history of literature. Fuck it, why not?

Deadpool Killustrated #1 is the first issue of what is supposed to be the sequel to Deadpool Kills The Marvel Universe, but if you haven’t read it it’s not like it really matters. The theory behind the whole thing is that, in a non-616 version of the Marvel Universe, Deadpool has become aware that he is a fictional character, and he has killed all the other Marvel heroes to set them free from the tyranny of fandom, and yet he is still looking for a way to escape the world of fiction, and blah, blah, blah. Does you really give a shit?

The point is that this book is an excuse to have Deadpool use some truly impressive firepower to kill heroic characters from classic literature. So to say that Deadpool Kills The Marvel Universe is the origin of Deadpool Killustrated is arbitrary. You might as well say that the origin of Deadpool Killustrated was writer Cullen Bunn, a six pack of Sam Adams and a pinner joint.

And I really don’t care. Because no matter why it is here, while it is not quite as well-thought as its predecessor (which is like saying that cotton candy isn’t quite as nutritious as Peanut M&Ms), it is big, stupid, goofy fun.

J. J. Abrams To Direct Star Wars, Says Some Unknown Dude

As of this writing, this is a one-source story based on comments from “an individual with knowledge,” with no confirmation from anyone actually named in the story… but this is, after all, the Internet, where things like confirmation and reputable, on-the-record sources happen to other media. Dying media. Media with the budget to make phone calls to people who know things. And besides, if I waited for “confirmation” for everything I saw on the Internet, I’d still be waiting for a call back vis-a-vis whether that girl in the schoolgirl suit was, in fact, a schoolgirl, and I’d never ejaculate again.

What was I talking about again?

Oh yeah: The Wrap is reporting that J. J. Abrams has signed to direct Star Wars: Episode VII.

Get Well, Stan – Stan Lee Will Miss Amazing Arizona Comic Con Due To Illness

The Amazing Arizona Comic Convention has sadly announced the following:

We here at Amazing Arizona Comic Con regret to announce that we have been informed by Mr. Stan Lee’s representatives that he is physically unable to travel and appear for this weekend’s events due to illness. Fortunately, we have a full weekend of great programming, over hundred of comic creators coming to the convention, and nearly 300 exhibitors on the main floor. Further headline guest Jim Lee, the Best Selling comic artist of all time, will be on hand at the event to meet with attendees, sign FREE autographs, and share in the spirit of comics and pop culture. Amazing Arizona Comic Con apologizes for the inconvenience and wishes Mr. Stan Lee a speedy recovery.

For those attendees who purchased Stan Lee Photo Ops or Stan Lee Packages, you may contact INFO@AmazingArizonaComicCon.com to inquire about refund eligibility. Please contact us no later than Friday, January 25, 2013 for more information. Amazing Arizona Comic Con reserves the right to process and issue refunds for eligible and qualified attendees, which will be dispersed from February 18 through 28.

Oh no! Stan!

Stan, get lots of bed rest and clear liquids! We here at the Crisis On Infinite Midlives Home Office also wish you a speedy recovery. We are confident that your mutant power is immortality and that you will be up and around the convention circuit in no time. If all else fails, we hear that gamma radiation is good for toughening a guy up. Get well soon, sir.

Via Bleeding Cool.