Unlicensed Brain Surgery By Amateurs

We are in the middle of some pretty significant site maintenance today – a man with a hangover should not be this deep into a MYSQL database is all that I’m saying – which means that you may see some occasional site outages over the next several hours, including strange changes in images on the page, and frankly, this Web site might – might – speak an unholy word.

However, while we perform delicate computer brain surgery after a night of reckless Car Bomb shots, please enjoy this clever reinterpretation of the truly horrible song Call Me Maybe by an outfit called NoBatStache.

10 Minutes To Midnight

Ok, Rob actually managed to get a review of Rorschach #1 up this evening, so I hope you’ve enjoyed that. Our local comic book store owner, who knows us by name and asks Rob frequently to stop setting Comedian #1+#2 on fire in the store, because it’s a felony or something, will be as relieved shocked as you to see that he enjoyed it. But, beyond that, Rob’s all passed out now, so it’s up to me to tell you that we’re excited about books like Amazing Spider-Man #691 and Walking Dead #101, and even AvX #9…although not so much about Wonder Woman #12. The Crisis On Infinite Midlives Home Office is going to take up a tin cup collection to see that Brian Azzarello only writes Rorschach for the forseeable future. But in the meantime this:

is the end of the broadcast day. We’ll see you on the other side.

ps.  Yes.  That is an old school War Games movie poster, actual production motherfucking one-sheet, you see in the vinyl cover to the upper right. You may commence with your jealousy…now.

Professionalism

Look, I’m not gonna lie to you: I’m a tad distracted this evening because I’m starting a new day gig on Monday. Which is not remarkable in and of itself, but what is remarkable is that my new boss called me today and said, “You need to get to know the guys. And that is best done over a serious amount of whiskey.”

Still, Amanda and I managed to get to the comic store before getting to the bar where we still currently are, and between the team-building boilermakers and these new comics…

…it means the end of our broadcast day.

But trust-building falls that I ignored in favor of Jim Beam or no, that’s a damn good take! We have a new Spider-Men, the first issue of Marvel’s new Gambit series, a new Before Watchmen book, and a ton of other good shit!

But before we can review any of them, we need time to read them. So until I’m done trying (and failing) to show my new employers that I’m not a reckless alcoholic….

See you tomorrow, suckers!

Future Shock

I was originally intending to write a pithy joke or two about this week’s comic take, but as I literally sat down to write, I received the email from Comic-Con International announcing that the presale for SDCC 2013 passes for people who attended this year’s SDCC will be occurring this coming Saturday, and Amanda and I have spent the last ten minutes figuring out how to divide our efforts across multiple networks to maximize our odds (helpful hint: I will be using my work Internet in ways that violate my employee handbook. And after I wipe my dick off, I will try to buy SDCC passes).

So fuck the jokes; we have been to our local comic store, which means that this…

…means the end of our broadcast day.

But SDCC presales or no, this is one hell of a week of comics. Biggest and bestest, we have Howard Chaykin’s first issue of his sequel to his classic (and filthy) 1980s classic Black Kiss, along with setup of the Rotworld crossover in Animal Man and Swamp Thing, a new issue of Avengers Vs. X-Men, a new Mark Waid Daredevil, and a bunch of other cool stuff!

But before we can review it, we need to figure out how many browsers we can have refreshing at once on Saturday, and we need to read the comics. So until that time…

See you tomorrow, suckers!

The Heartbreak of Misplaced Penance

It is Wednesday, and as with all Wednesdays, that means it is New Comics Day. Which means that, as with every Wednesday, we pay a visit to our local comic store, where they know me by name and ask me, “Didja hear that I’m not allowed to sell you Batman Incorporated #3 today? Oh, they shipped it to me, but I can’t sell it to you! I need to store it someplace for a month! Why? Here, I got the issue right here! Look at this picture of some chick with a gun! For this I can’t sell you the book! That I’m holding in my hand and showing to you! And will place directly into your pull pile after I am done showing it to you! With a big “DO NOT SELL TO ROB UNTIL FOUR WEEKS FROM NOW” sign on it! Because a month from now, the families of those poor fuckers in Colorado will have forgotten all about the shooting!”

EDITOR’S NOTE: Yes, I realize that that was the least funny “my local comic store, where they know me by name and ask me…” gag we’ve ever done here at Crisis On Infinite Midlives, but for a change, that was actually a question that was asked of us at our local comic store this evening.

Regardless, the point is that we were at our local comic store this evening, which means that this…

…means the end of out broadcast day.

But it is a decent day’s take. We have a new issue of the Before Watchmen issue Comedian for me to possibly continue hating on, a issue of Jonathan Hickman’s Manhattan Projects, a new issue of personal favorite The Goon, and, if no issue of Batman Incorporated, an issue of Batman: The Dark Knight.

But before we can accuse any of them of being insensitive to tragedy that has nothing to do with comic books, first we have to read them. So until we have that chance…

…see you tomorrow, suckers!

Inevitable Physical And Emotional Collapse

It happens every year: a couple of days after returning from SDCC, which is a week of violently and suddenly resetting your circadean rythtms twice while consuming a diet of beef, cheese and liquor, the body recoils in protest and requires a day of wretched television and catching up on comics.

Today was that day. As such, this…

…means the end of our broadcast day.

Still and all, we’ve got the new issue of Captain Marvel, a new chapter of Avengers Vs. X-Men, the second issue of Silk Spectre (one of the better efforts of Before Watchmen so far) and a ton of other stuff to catch up on.

But before we can review any of them (or finish uploading more SDCC 2012 videos for your perusal), we need time to read them. We also need time to quietly whimper while wondering what time it really is, but mostly to read them.

So in pursuit of those humble goals: see you tomorrow, suckers!

We Will Not Go Quietly Into The Night. We Will Not Vanish Without A Fight

It is Independence Day here in the United States, which means that we here at the Crisis On Infinite Midlives Home Office have been celebrating the declaration of our  independence from Great Britain, the first step in the creation of one of the most powerful and awesome nations in modern history, in the traditional manner of seeing a matinee of The Amazing Spider-Man, eating a cheeseburger, and getting savagely drunk on domestic beer in preparation for blowing shit up in the skies over Boston.

Oh, yeah: and by indulging in that most American of entertainment forms: a shitload of comics books.

But this wealth of new comics shows just how far we’ve come as a nation. Once upon a time, delivery of new books when a holiday fell on a Wednesday would be impossible. But here in this brave new world, we not only get stuff like the new Before Watchmen book, Ozymandias, an issue of Ultimate Spider-Man, the return on Sabretooth in Wolverine #310 by Jeph Loeb and Simone Bianchi, a new round of Avengers Vs. X-Men, a Rocketeer Adventures with art by Walt Simonson and John Byrne, and last but not least the long-awaited Batman: Earth One graphic novel by Geoff Johns and Gary Frank, but we get them on time!

But since this is a holiday, and since we have fireworks to watch, this means the end of our broadcast day. But while we wait for the sun to go down, we will read some of these books so we can review them for you later this week. So until then: see you tomorrow, suckers!

Strange Days

This is a strange looking week for new comics. We’ve got a Watchmen book that wasn’t written by Alan Moore going toe-to-toe with a book about Mina Parker that wasn’t written by Bram Stoker but that was written by Alan Moore, both competing for space with a graphic novel by a cooking writer. Throw that in with a comic about two Spider-Men and one about Robin if he was a homicidal 12-year-old girl, and we have one of the more surreal New Comics Days in recent memory.

But New Comics Day it is, which means that this…

…means the end of our broadcast day.

But it is one hell of a week for new comics. We’ve got this week’s Before Watchmen book, Nite Owl written by JMS, the latest installment of League of Extraordinary Gentlemen by Alan Moore and Kevin O’Neill, the second issue of Brian Michael Bendis’s and Sara Pichelli’s Spider-Men, and new Brubaker / Phillips Fatale, a ton of DC titles, and a bunch of other cool stuff!

But by this point, you know the drill: before we can review them, we need time to read them. So until that time: see you tomorrow, suckers!

It Came True. You’re Lookin’ At It

Hey, didja hear about the dude in Texas who skated on an indictment for murder after he beat a guy to death when he caught the dude raping his treasured and favorite child?

What does that have to do with comics, you might ask? Well, funny story: The Comedian is my favorite character in Alan Moore’s and Dave Gibbons’s Watchmen… and Brian Azzarello’s and J. G. Jones’s Before Watchmen release of Comedian was released today. And considering Crisis On Infinite Midlives contributor Trebuchet tweeted the following to me this afternoon:

I’m guessing (Rob) hasn’t read today’s Before Watchmen release… I would have heard the screams from here…

…it means that… this…

…means the end of our broadcast day.

Ah well; regardless of yet another potentially sketchy rework of a classic Watchmen character, it’s still looking like an interesting week. We’ve got a new The Walking Dead, a personal favorite in Peter David’s X-Factor, an Avengers Vs. X-Men Round… Still…, and a bunch of other cool stuff!

But before we can be aggrieved by retroactive changes to The Comedian, first we need to read them. So until that time…

…see you tomorrow, suckers!

Does Whatever A… I Mean Those… Er, Them… Screw It – Spider Things Do (Or Does)

Well, it’s Wednesday, which means that Marvel, possibly stinging from the large-scale publicity blitz that comes from DC releasing prequels to the most critically acclaimed comic series of all time, has responded by doing the obvious and saying, “Fuck it; if one Spider-Man is good, then two Spider-Men is arguably apocalyptically good. Particularly since one of those Spider-Men has been in, like, almost three fights in nine months! Now who’s up for another eight-ball!”

But regardless, be they more Spider-Men or more Watchmen, it is an interesting week for comics, which means that this…

…means the end of our broadcast day.

But it is an interesting week, is it not? Beyond the tentpole books, we’ve got Brian Wood’s new creator-owned Dark Horse book The Massive, a new Deathstroke by Rob Liefeld that Amanda has already called her nephew Little Billy to take an artistic run at, the latest Scott Snyder-written Batman in the thick of the Night Of The Owls summer event, and a ton of other good shit!

But before we can review them (and you have my word: the busy-ness of the past couple weeks that have kept our reviews down to a minimum should resolve itself this week), we need time to read them. So until then…

…see you tomorrow, suckers!