I Can See For – Ah, Screw It: Ultimate Spider-Man #1 Review

EDITOR’S NOTE: This review contains spoilers. For example, Miles Morales is apparently Spider-Man now. And by the way, the spoilers start IMMEDIATELY.

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If you’re anything like me, the first thing you did after seeing the last page of Ultimate Spider-Man #1 is hit Google and see if spiders can, in fact, camoflage into their backgrounds. I did this even though I am petrified of spiders. Petrified to the point that season three of Buffy The Vampire Slayer is my favorite; not because of the plot, characters or theme, but because it was the first season without that everfucking scuttling tarantula in the opening credits.

Turns out, as I suspected, that any Web site touting the camoflagability of spiders will, by nature, include large, full-color close-up photographs of spiders in order to prove that some spiders can, in fact, blend into their surroundings. Which proves two things:

1. Brian Michael Bendis has done his spider research for this new iteration of Spider-Man, and:
2. If you are an arachnophobe, Brian Michael Bendis is a Goddamned douchebag.

Somebody Please Buy The Lady A Drink: Review of Demon Knights #1

I had intended to bring you all a recap of last night’s Deadliest Warrior: Zombies vs. Vampires, but then Daniel Bard imploded in the middle of his inning during last nights Red Sox/Blue Jays game and our local bar consoled us with beer and free popcorn until “Whoops, I have a job to go to in the morning” o’clock. So, that show is sitting on the DVR and I will get to it when I can.

However, last night I did get to read Demon Knight #1, written by Paul Cornell with pencils by Diogenes Neves (that may be the best name, ever). One of the things I remember most vividly at Comic-Con this year was just how excited the two of them were in discussing the book at one of the New 52 panels this past July. The other thing I remember vividly was this thing with a homeless guy and some Tide Stain Stick, but that’s neither here nor there. Demon Knights is truly something they should have every right to be excited about. Neves art is vibrant and expressive. I was already a fan of Madame Xanadu after Matt Wagner‘s run with the character, but between Neves’s work and Cornell’s character voicing, I just fell in love with the character:

Sometimes you just have to ditch the fairy queens of Avalon for the Dairy Queen. I get it.

The Nuclear Option: Atomic Robo Volume 6, #1 Review

So one last non-New 52 review from last week’s releases before the comic store opens and another 13 DC first issues make it impossible for me to find anywhere on my coffee table to put down my beer…

Actually, let’s stop and think about the New 52 for a second. I read an interview with Dan Didio today where he said that part of the reason we have the DCnU is because years of continuity preconceptions about characters made it hard to tell new and interesting stories about them. Didio quotes legendary DC editor Julie Schwartz:

…he literally said to me at one point, “Every ten years, continuity needs an enema, because your characters don’t age in real time, the stories don’t move in real time and when you build too much story against the characters, it holds down the potential stories you could tell for the future because you’re so beholden to the past.”

And being a reader of comic books for (Jesus) 36 years now, I can tell you Julie was right. Almost any comic book character will, over time, get mired down in continuity, old stories and character beats that makes doing something different with them nearly impossible.

(I say NEARLY impossible because regardless of continuity, it is still possible to read new and fresh stories about Batman making sweet, sweet man love to Optimus Prime while Strawberry Shortcake watches – thank you, slashfic! But I digress.)

For example: because of 70+ years of Superman-as-Boy Scout stories, DC continuity had to die in order for Grant Morrison to tell a story about a young, iconoclastic Superman (“But what about Mark Waid’s Birthright?” QUIET, YOU!).

Comic book characters get tied into telling certain stories. There is no exception.

Except for Atomic Robo.

This Book Is Now About Martians (And Other Aliens): Stormwatch #1 Review

What’s that old saying? “Roofie me once; shame on you. Roofie me twice and I will pistol grip mace bomb you.”? I think it’s safe to say that I approached the new Stormwatch with exceedingly mixed feelings.

I absolutely adored the book when Warren Ellis wrote it and I followed it over into The Authority, although based on this quote I found on The Authority’s Wikipedia page, that book almost didn’t happen:

one of the reasons I turned their STORMWATCH into THE AUTHORITY is that I found out that, despite the fact that no-one was buying STORMWATCH, they kept it going because they liked reading it in the [Wildstorm] office and wanted to keep me employed. And I felt so bloody awful about that, and at the same time had been so struck by Bryan Hitch’s STORMWATCH issues, that the train of thought that led to THE AUTHORITY began.

The Authority limped through many incarnations of writer and artist after the inital Ellis/Bryan Hitch run that included Mark Millar/Frank Quietly, Robbie Morrison/Dwayne Turner, Ed Brubaker/Dustin Nguyen, Grant Morrison/Keith Giffen/Gene Ha…actually it’s around here that I started to tune out of The Authority. I think I might have picked up “The Authority/Lobo” one shots (‘cuz, you know, it’s friggin’ Lobo), but I was pretty burned out on the book. And, it didn’t help that somewhere in this time period Wildstorm tried to relaunch Stormwatch with the blatantly anemic Stormwatch: Team Achilles and Stormwatch: Post Human Division. It’s dead, Jim. Stop being a necrophiliac.

But, back to the actual book.

Bwa-hah-ha-huh?: Justice League International #1 Review

EDITOR’S NOTE: This review contains spoilers.

I love the Foo Fighters, but I have trouble listening to more than a song or two in a row. Because whether it’s on purpose or what I bring to the music as a listener, I very quickly become convinced that every song is Dave Grohl singing about Kurt Cobain. In Your Honor. Friend Of A Friend. My Hero. Darling Nikki. Courtney Love Chokes Pole. Rob Shouldn’t Write Reviews While Drinking. You get the point.

I got the same feeling reading Justice League International #1: almost every panel seemed like it was about the DC Comics reboot.

Look: the first line in the book is:

Confidence in every level of authority is at an all-time low.”

A page later, this exchange between a member of the UN Security Council and head of UN intelligence Andre Briggs happens:

Well, That Looks Green. And, Moist.: Swamp Thing #1 Review

Strange things are afoot – and not just at the Circle K. No, all over the world birds fall dead from the sky; bats plummet from cave ceilings; and, fish take a break from fornicating in the ocean to, well, die.

Terminator / Robocop: Kill Human #2 – No Directives Found

Back in 1992, Frank Miller and Walt Simonson did a four-issue miniseries for Dark Horse Comics called Robocop Vs. Terminator, where Robocop singlehandedly takes on Skynet for the future of mankind. It was a story by two legendary creators at the top of their game who were immersed in the mythology of both the Robocop and Terminator universes (Miller wrote the screenplays for the movies Robocop 2 and 3). It has never been reprinted.

In 2011, Rob Williams and P. J. Holden are doing a miniseries for Dynamite Comics called Terminator / Robocop: Kill Human, where Robocop singlehandledly takes on Skynet for the future of mankind. It’s a series by a guy who did a pretty good indie book (Cla$$war) nine years ago and a guy who did some Judge Dredd comics once, who apparently have never seen any Robocop or Terminator movies. It will never be reprinted.

Detective Comics #1: Don’t You Know What The Night Can Do

Tony Daniel draws one hell of a Batman. He’s got some kind of bastardized mixture of 1990’s McFarlane, modern Jim Lee fine line and detail work going that makes things just look exciting and keep the eye on the panel, combined with enough broadly inked, shadowed, Frank Miller-style panels of Batman in silouette that mix together to make an instantly recognizable, iconic style of Batman art. Of all this week’s New 52, Detective Comics #1 is probably my favorite in the art department, which is saying a lot considering this week included work by Rags Morales, George Perez and Yanick Paquette. Then again, considering this week’s art included Rob Liefeld’s Hawk & Dove, Daniel could have drawn Batman as: “>(:|)-<=<” and still not been my least favorite. Seriously, though: I’m liking the look of this book.

Daniel is putting together a pretty solid entry-level Batman plot in this book as well. Make no mistake; for the first 18 pages or so, he’s not exactly reinventing the wheel: Batman feeling tortured by failing to prevent the Joker’s murders, persuing Joker relentlessly only to end chase to save a little girl from danger and evading capture by the police via an attack helicopter chase, all in Batman’s first major story following a reboot, is not exactly groundbreaking storytelling (*cough* *cough* Dark Knight Returns *cough*). But Daniel keeps the story moving along and entertaining, and breaks up what could be considered derivative by introducing the concept that Joker might commit his crimes while naked, which made even this old Batman fan take notice and comment: “AAAAAAAAAAANOOAAAAAWHYYAAAAAAA”.

Does She Walk? Does She Talk? Does She Come Complete?

I will warn you now: as I sit here contemplating Gail Simone’s Batgirl #1, I am full of mediocre Pu Pu Platter and 12 year old Bunnahabhain Scotch whisky. The Pu Pu Platter was to provide grease to medicate myself after reading Batgirl #1 and then trying to solve my disappointment with Jagermeister. The Scotch is, well, I just like Scotch.

I was in San Diego this year at the convention when the decision to give Barbara Gordon her mobility back was formally announced. Now, I liked Oracle and I think that John Ostrander made a masterful use of leftovers by adding a paraplegic Barbara Gordon to Suicide Squad after the events of “The Killing Joke”. However, and perhaps this says something about me, the only incarnation of Barbara Gordon/Batgirl/Oracle I actually was ever really attached to was the one embodied by Dina Meyer in 2002’s Birds of Prey. Did I mention I drink? So, I was willing to keep an open mind for the new Batgirl relaunch – if only because I’m fairly certain that Gail Simone’s Batgirl will show up more regularly on my comic book store shelves than J.H. Williams’s Batwoman, which appears every 100 years or so out of the mist like Brigadoon and then fucks off again about as quickly.

Who Wants A Puppy?

DC released 13 new #1’s this week in its effort to reboot the DC universe. I’ve been trying to work through the stack. It’s been challenging; I love comics, but I also love having the opportunity to get up and do things like eat or huck rocks at the neighbor’s kids.

One of the books I’ve enjoyed the most so far has been Animal Man, written by Jeff Lemire (most well known for Sweet Tooth) with art by Travel Foreman and Dan Green. Lemire sets up Buddy Baker, aka Animal Man, as a mostly retired super hero who is now focusing his attention on animal rights activism education. He’s also just finished shooting an independent movie that sounds suspiciously similar to “The Wrestler”, but with more super heroes and less dignity. Despite Baker’s fame and success as Animal Man, there is tension at home. Money is tight; his wife is giving his mixed messages about whether he should continue being a super hero; and, his daughter really wants a puppy. I mean really wants a puppy. More on that later.

When Buddy finally does get to escape the house to go defeat a threat at a local hospital, using his powers come at an unexpected cost:

Do not eat the brown acid.

And then, he comes home and finds out the lengths his daughter will go to in order to have a pet. Plus, mutant powers!

What was most enjoyable about the story is the way Lemire’s storytelling worked in conjunction with Foreman’s penciling to give the whole issue a creepy, otherworldly vibe that was reminiscent of Grant Morrison’s work with the character without being completely batshit whack-a-loon. Furthermore, Foreman and Green’s artwork is a pleasant respite from the pretty to the point of sugar shock art in many of the other books that DC has released in the past two weeks (JL #1, I’m looking at you).

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a date with a plate of nachos and this bag of rocks.