Brain Bleach – Won’t Someone Please Think For Of The Children

Rob and I don’t have children, mostly owing to the fact that we spend much of our time drunk, pantsless, and gibbering like 3 year-olds. However, if we did have kids, we would choose not to send them to Tuny Haven International Early Learning Center. On May 17th, that preschool sent home this letter to its students’ parents

Recently, it has been brought to our attention that the imaginations of our preschool children are becoming dangerously overactive causing injuries within our pre-k community. Although we encourage creative thinking and imaginary play, we do not promote out [sic] children hurting one another. Wrestling, Super Hero play, and Monster games will not be permitted here at Tuny Haven. In addition please monitor the different media that your children may view. The reenactment of televisions [sic] shows/ movies are being done during active paly [sic] times in school.

The safety and well being of your child is our first and foremost concern. Thank you for your cooperation.

The inability of the letter’s authors, site Director of Operations LaTanya Bernard and Executive Director Adrienne McKinney, to proofread their work for spelling and the ability to use is or are correctly in their sentences aside, what kind of monsters dressing themselves up as educators censor their students’ imaginative play? It comes off like they can’t be bothered to monitor their recess time properly to avoid injury. “No, I’m sorry Johnny. You can’t be Superman at recess and you can’t go home and watch Superman, because then you might think about Superman…and then you might want to be him at recess. Here, go play with this rock and this stick. Play ‘baseball players’, because nobody ever gets hurt playing baseball.”

According to Citypaper.net, Bernard and McKinney would not return phone calls for comment.

What absolute losers. See the letter, after the jump.

“Princess Leia And Chewbacca Should Totally Do It” And Other Tales – Fans Give J.J. Abrams Star Wars Advice On Jimmy Kimmel

As Rob and I head out for a screening of Star Trek Into Darkness at our local theater, where they don’t quite know us by name but frequently tell us we can’t bring our own alcoholic beverages on site because of “the law”, we wonder how quickly the excitement of the Star Trek experience will wane and inevitably turn to speculation regarding J.J. Abrams upcoming turn as director of the new Star Wars sequels. Lots of fans are already wondering about casting and plot points. Some were even helpful enough to share their thoughts with him on a recent episode of Jimmy Kimmel Live. You may notice a recurring theme in their writing advice. Watch for surprise cameos at about the 2:20 mark.

I think my next Jazz-Dubstep fusion band project will be called “Nothing But Lando”. You’ve been warned.

Via io9

It Came From The Past: Aisha Tyler Responds To Internet Trolls Re – Presenting At The Ubisoft E3 Press Conference

I missed this when Aisha Tyler originally posted this last year in response to those criticizing her when she was chosen to be a presenter at the Ubisoft E3 press conference, but Captain Marvel writer Kelly Sue DeConnick shared it again today via her Tumblr. There is a certain beauty in watching a veteran stand-up comedian take the smack down skills typically used on a drunken heckler and apply them to internet trolls. It almost makes me want to go drop in at my local open mic and do 5 minutes. Almost.

Check it out, after the jump.

This Is A Triumph – GLaDOS Deals You In With Telltale’s Poker Night 2

Have you ever wanted to throw down in a game of chance against your favorite fictional characters from the world of television and video games? If so, Telltale Games, maker of The Walking Dead video game, has the gaming opportunity for you. Poker Night At The Inventory featured such characters as Tycho, Max, the Heavy, and Strong Bad. Poker Night 2 gives the spotlight to Ash, Brock Sampson, Sam, and Claptrap, with the added bonus of cheerfully murderous AI, GLaDOS, as your dealer. Check it out:

Poker Night 2 is available to buy through X-Box Live Arcade or to download for PC and Mac computers.

Via The mary Sue

Man Of Steel Official Trailer Hits Internet

Zack Snyder may have hit a home run with this movie. There is a moment in this trailer where you will believe that a man can fly – roughly at 1:55 in where Superman places his fist against the Arctic crust and leaves behind a crater as he shoots off from the Earth. And, Kevin Costner telling a distraught young Clark, “You are my son” after showing him the ship that brought him here may as well already have “For your consideration” captioned underneath it for Oscar voters. Seriously.

Enjoy!

Man Of Steel comes to US theaters on June 14, 2013.

The Voice Of Zod – Man Of Steel Official Site Posts Intriguing Teaser

The official Web site for Man Of Steel posted this garbled transmission from Superman nemesis, Zod. Beware, clicking on the video may expose you to a plot spoiler: seems Zod is in a snit that we have his stuff Kal-El.

Could be an interesting twist on the Superman story to have Kal-El as a Kryptonian fugitive…or the good general may just be getting his crazy on. Either way, the movie is beginning to sound more interesting the closer we get to the opening.

Man Of Steel hits theaters in the US on June 14, 2013.

Via Comics Alliance

Shane! Come Back! – Jon Bernthal Cancels Boston Comic Con Appearance

Say, were you excited about meeting Maggie and Shane from AMC’s The Walking Dead next weekend at the Boston Comic Con? Yeah? Well, temper your enthusiasm a bit. Lauren Cohen will still make an appearance, but Jon Bernthal will not. According to an email sent by the convention to ticket holders last Friday:

A Message from the Host:

Unfortunately, Jon Bernthal (Shane Walsh) of The Walking Dead must CANCEL his appearance at The Boston Comic Con due to a sudden change in his filiming schedule.

All attendees who purchased a VIP Photo Op ticket will be refunded in full.

Any other person who wishes a refund of their admission ticket to the Boston Comic Con due to Jon Bernthal’s cancellation must submit a refund request by no later than Friday April 19th. Once the show has started no refunds will be issued whatsoever.

We apologize for this unfortunate inconvenience which is out of our control.

The Boston Comic Con

Beyond their control, perhaps, but certainly a possibility that they were aware of. A source connected to the group that produced the 2013 commercial for Boston Comic Con tells me that they were told to downplay Bernthal’s appearance at the con because of the likelihood that he might pull out. You can check out their commercial after the jump.

Brain Bleach – Battlestar Galactica As Sappy Network Sitcom

Ok, Rob is currently downstairs up to his eyeballs in a home wiring and plasma television mounting project. Jack Daniels may or may not be involved. You might think that he can’t be productive in the throes of a Jack bender, but I watched him build an entire computer one night in a whiskey blackout. It was Christmas Eve and the next morning he actually thought that Santa had brought him a computer. So cute! And hungover!

Anyway, since we have no live electricity or Internet, I’m posting this from a scant 2G signal begrudgingly supplied by my phone. Ever wonder what would happen if Battlestar Galactica and Friends had a baby? A cheesy, awful, horrific waterhead baby? No? Well, too bad. The same Internet that will give you bukkake clips on demand will also give you this:

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to use what power is left in my phone to dig up 33, find some whiskey, and have a blackout of my own.

Via Gizmodo UK.

Phil? His First Name Is “Agent” – Clark Gregg On The Resurrection Of S.H.I.E.L.D.’s Agent Coulson

Clark Gregg recently spoke with Collider at WonderCon about his Marvel Universe character, Agent Coulson, who has been a breakout fan favorite. Fans were crushed when Agent Coulson went to the great beyond during a blowout with Loki on the S.H.I.E.L.D. helicarrier, but the character’s death served the purpose of being the emotional focal point that rallied the heroes to the eventual defeat of Loki and the Chitauri. Coulson’s death also rallied fans into action, petitioning Marvel, Joss Whedon, and anyone else who would listen, for Coulson’s return. In this interview, Gregg discusses Coulson’s return with unabashed enthusiasm, along with how the S.H.I.E.L.D. television show fits into the larger Marvel Universe, and the overall weirdness of signing a multi-year television contract. He never quite spoils the actual mechanics of how Coulson returns, but I know I’m thinking Life Model Decoy. Who’s with me?

There’s no official drop date for the television pilot, but you can keep up with all news on the S.H.I.E.L.D tv show on its Facebook page.

What Have We Learned Today?

What have we learned today? Well, other than skanks at the tequila bar seem to think that paying with a Groupon is acceptable (hint – if you’re vomiting mezcal, your liver already owns it. Just take the ’86.), not a lot…other than Rob has drunkenly read Age Of Ultron and now thinks he knows what its happening. I have not, but I hear *FUCKING SPOILER* that Spawn‘s Angela is in it and have offered my HBO animated episodes of same if he needs to catch up.

Editor’s note: Hi. This is Rob. Angela is not in Age of Ultron #3. My guess is that the Cuervo Gold is causing Amanda to see a halo effect. This is normal. I hope. Back to Amanda.

“In it”…eventually…in issue #10…Editor’s note: Jeez, Rob. It’s like I only showed you the first paragraph of this article…oh, wait…. And I like my tequila to come approved by members of The Sopranos. But, branding aside, we also have many other issues of interest to work through such as Brian Michael Bendis’s talking head panel oriented/supposed occasionally dropping action fest Powers Bureau issue 3, Batman Incorporated 9…’cuz, well, more officially dead Damian, Bendis’s Guardians Of the Galaxy issue 1…which opens with talking heads…not necessarily in space, possibly with eventual action, and Mark Waid’s all new Green Hornet #1.

In “guys who still need more attention news”, Joe Keatinge is still writing Morbius #3 and James Asmus is still on Gambit #10. We here, recovering from the tequila bar, still need to read all these…

…which means that this…

…is the end of our broadcast day.

Check back here for all things “what the fuck is Hickman doing this week?” and “I still love you Bendis, but seriously, no one really cares about Thanos.”; and, in theory, other things I have not already predetermined before I have read them.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a date with tequila destiny. I’m going to read these books, and you will hear from me when the hangover breaks.