So, You Want To Work Out Like Batman…

Sam DeHority recently published an interview on Men’s Fitness with John Romaniello, NSCA-CPT to examine whether the training regimen published in Matthew Manning’s The Batman Files is something an actual human being could do. The short answer? No.

What are the odds that someone could get through a regimen like this cleanly?
Zero percent. It’s too many elite levels of skill. For the highest one percent of one percent of the population, you can be good at just about everything and great at a few things. Let’s take someone who’s both big and strong, and has good endurance—someone from the New Zealand All Blacks rugby squad. I don’t think they could sprint 20 miles. A 4:50 mile is damn near a sprint, and those guys don’t have to deal with broken bones from fighting bad guys.

But…I’m no quitter! How bad could it really be? This, coming from a girl who can’t actually manage to stick to a simple plan of going for a walk three times week. Mostly because I’m hungover a lot and sunlight brings pain.

Workout plan and feelings of inadequacy after the jump

Choices Have Already Been Made – Review Of Ghost Rider #6

Hey! Guess what, everyone? I found a great comic book that I’d really like to recommend to you all but, what’s that Internet? Ghost Rider, written by Rob Williams, with art by Dalibor Talajić has been canceled?

Oh. Oh well.

So, does this cancellation have anything to do with the upcoming sequel to the 2007 Ghost Rider movie? You know, the one that was so bad it got a 4.3 out of 10 rating on Rotten Tomatoes…which begs the question as to why there’s even a sequel in the first place?

Launched during the “Fear Itself” event under the guiding hand of writer Rob Williams, “Ghost Rider” provided a new female version of the long-standing hero while keeping original rider Johnny Blaze on as co-star. The character has a new movie — “Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance” from Columbia Pictures — set to hit theaters this February, though beyond an incoming special re-presenting classic tales of Blaze, the publisher appears to have no plans for a major media tie-in push.

So, that’s a no. Having a female Ghost Rider possibly running around when Nicholas Cage is poised to take yet another stab at comic book movie glory has absolutely nothing to do with it.

Sure.

Spoilers, snakes and swamp water ahead!

What’s Green, Scaly And Russian In Origin?

So, this an image that may or may not be conceptual art for the Lizard in the Spider-Man movie reboot popped up on the Russian Web site, Spider Media. Yes, it does have a “.ru” in the address. No, it is not babushka porn. Settle down. Google Translate tells me all the Cyrillic comes out to “SpiderMedia.RU : Comics, Movies, Superheroes, Games, Action Figures, Animation, News, Reviews” and at this stage no Red Dawn malware seems to have been installed on my computer, so, as far as I can tell, these are our people. And they probably have vodka, so take a look and tell me if you think this art looks pretty close to the Steve Ditko art I’ve shopped in next to it:

This man could definitely sit down and have a chat with you about the heartbreak of psoriasis...but he'd probably just eat your face.

It’d be nice if the creatures created actually looked like they came from the comic book the movie was about, right?

Sure, as Bleeding Cool pointed out, this has been released conveniently close to the promotional Pez dispenser reveal, but, who cares? It’s certainly better than the costume they came up with for the Green Goblin in the first movie. Hell, they could probably use a green Sharpie to draw scales on a greenman suit and it would look better than the Green Goblin costume for the first movie.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to go satisfy my craving for Pez and vodka.

The Kids Are All Right – Review Of Marzi, A Memoir

When you say the words “comic book” to the average American, they will most likely think of stories having to do with capes and cowls. However, there is a rich tradition of comic books that are reality based, topical, even autobiographical. Marzi, written by Marzena Sowa with art by Sylvain Savoia, falls within that tradition. Marzi, published in North America by Vertigo, was originally published in Belgium. The stories chronicle growing up in communist Poland just as the Eastern Bloc is beginning to strike and demand its freedom. However, although those events are the backdrop to Sowa’s story, the book is really more about what it was like to be a little girl, as she explains to Cafe Babel.

“Sometimes readers find it surprising that besides strikes, usually associated with Jaruzelski and ‘Solidarity’, people also had a regular life,” the author explains. “I mean, going to school and to work, children playing in the courtyards, holidays. My comics won’t age. Even twenty years on you will find something new, something for yourself. We were all children, and we all had some wishes that never came true; I was always dreaming about getting Barbie from Pewex (communist-time stores which sold Western goods in exchange for Western currencies).”

Will It Be Like Chocolate Meeting Peanut Butter? – Anthony Bourdain’s “Get Jiro!”

I was always one of those people who, in high school, kept very separate groups of friends. I had one group for theater geek activities, one group for all things jock related, and another one for the things that neither of the either groups needed to see. It was a very well planned orchestration that I kept meticulously cordoned off, like one of those plates that lets you keep all your food from touching lest the squash touch the potatoes and all mayhem break loose.

These days, I feel much the same about my hobbies. Comics, Club-A-Wino-To-Death Night, and foodie pursuits all hold very meaningful places in my life, but they’ve been there as spaces for me to move in and out of. My fenced off little refuges have not come into contact with each other…until now.

Enter Get Jiro!, which will be written by television personality/chef/author, Anthony Bourdain and author Joel Rose with art by Langdon Foss, whose work has previously been seen in Heavy Metal.

Should I be getting excited or scurry back into the shadows in trepidation?

What’s In A Name? – Review Of Wolverine: The Best There Is #11

Wolverine is a Marvel character that appears in more books than the Duggars have children. As all children are special and unique, like snowflakes, so it is that each of Wolverine’s titles are all a bit different from one another. In the Wolverine family, Wolverine: The Best There Is, written by Charlie Huston, with art by Juan Jose Ryp is the pretty one that’s also a little slow, but really likes to hear itself talk and thinks it’s more mature than it actually is.

Note the “Parental Advisory! Not For Kids!” label slapped on the cover. Marvel already has an existing MAX line in which content with explicit themes can be published. So, if Wolverine: The Best There Is is “not for kids”, why not publish this title under the MAX imprint? Could it be that Marvel/Disney doesn’t want to take one of its most popular characters and place it in a book that is actively off limits to kids and teens? Because, if that is the case, the overall muted storytelling, with its emphasis on violent, graphic imagery, stilted exposition and bleeped out swear words reads like a network television broadcast edit on an “R” rated movie – and a mediocre one at that.

Spoilers, megalomania and wasted potential after the jump.

Can I Get Dental With That? – Review Of The Punisher #5

In the most recent reboot run of The Punisher series, Greg Rucka has chosen to take the tactic of letting Frank Castle’s actions tell the bulk of the story. As he told Comic Book Resources:

We’ve had so many people over the years do an amazing job of getting inside Frank’s head, it seemed to me that nobody needed my take on it because it would just be me aping somebody else really. We know Frank. He’s very straight-forward about what he wants, why he wants it and what he’s willing to do to get it. We ran with him not talking for as long as I think we could get away with in terms of the story. It’s not that we were trying to render him mute as much as, he’s a guy who doesn’t have a lot to say. He’s not the type to talk to hear himself talk. Plus, he doesn’t really surround himself with people that he’s going to converse with.

The rest of the story is told from the point of view of the characters on whom Frank’s actions have had an impact: a police officer, Walter Bolt, who receives a promotion after being perceived as a hero during a shootout in which Frank Castle actually was the one who saved Bolt’s life, a bride, Rachel Alves, who is the only survivor of a massacre that took place on her wedding day, and Norah Winters, who is covering Castle in an attempt to be taken more seriously as a reporter. It’s an interesting choice for Rucka; Castle is so involved in his one man war on crime that he either doesn’t care or have time to acknowledge the impact his actions have on the few people he has around him. Punisher #5 continues in this vein as the characters approach Thanksgiving in the 616.

Spoilers and small children after the jump!

Brain Bleach – Clown Car Edition

I was going to write a little something about this scene from the latest Suicide Squad #3, but Laura Hudson at Comics Alliance beat me to it:

Congratulations, Floyd - you've just had sex with The Joker by proxy.

Clown car, eh? That’s a hell of a euphemism, Harley.

Something Here Is Made Of Steel

It's probably not her telepathy that's turned you into a drooling vegetable.

Who knew that Emma Frost was actually being fashion forward and not a ginormous slut in her everyday battle wear of corsets and hooker boots? While plenty of super heroines have been outfitted, charitably, in questionable attire, outside of your typical convention cosplay and Halloween we don’t generally find super hero couture to be at the forefront of cutting edge fashion.

Until now.

Superhero couture will come to television on Tuesday, November 29, 2011 at 10pm (Eastern) on CBS.

Oooo, exciting!

Aren’t you excited?

You’re not excited.

Why aren’t you excited?

I can keep doing this, you know.

Real, live semi naked ladies with spandex and wings after the jump!

Aardman Animation Takes On Batman; My Brain Explodes. Film At 11.

You know, sometimes when I’m watching Cartoon Network, usually, but not always, during Adult Swim, I think, “Am I drunk?” However, watching this trailer for the proposed DC Nation block of programming, set to air on Cartoon Network next year, I find myself thinking, “Am I drunk enough?”  The following video and programming info comes via Bleeding Cool. Go pour yourself a couple fingers of brain-be-gone, come back and hit play.