Django Adapted: Django Unchained #1 Review

When DC Comics announced at San Diego Comic-Con that they were planning to release a comics adaptation of Quentin Tarantino’s movie Django Unchained, which is out in theaters today, I was not particularly enthusiastic, even though I am a Tarantino fan from years back.

Why? Well, picture the first fifteen minutes of Pulp Fiction. Now try to picture that quarter hour as a comic book. Hell, imagine it as a major event comic with A-list talent; let’s say they got Frank Miller to do the art, because after all, the man knows how to draw people in black and white suits. What do you think that comic book would look like? That’s right: it would be 75 pages long with half of those pages being word balloons. And the visuals would be of three different angles of two guys sitting quietly in a car, giving Miller all kinds of unexpected free time to shriek at hippies to get off his lawn. And we know that those would be some killer word balloons, but as a comic book? Not the most exciting-sounding four-color experience. Frankly, if you pitched a comic issue about two guys in a car talking about cheeseburgers and the metric system without using the name “Tarantino,” even Brian Michael Bendis would say, “Meh; sounds kinda… talky“.

So at first glance, a Tarantino comic sounds like a rough idea on its face. However, Django Unchained is a western, which at least implies a certain amount of action and visual dynamism… but to play Devil’s Advocate, Pulp Fiction was a crime movie, which would also imply some adrenaline pounding, but which really only would provided it during the, well, adrenaline pounding. So how does this comic play? An ultra-literate Jonah Hex shoot ’em up? Or, to paraphrase Eric Cartman: a couple of gay cowboys talking about pudding?

Tore Open The Bourbon And Threw Up On The Sash: Stan Lee Reads The Night Before Christmas

It is Christmas Eve, which means if you are anything like we are, you are busy simultaneously hanging your stockings and wrapping your presents, while watching Uncle Pete drink himself into oblivion while screeching about birth certificates and FEMA Camps, wondering if you can hang Uncle Pete and wrap him in a rug.

Frankly, that’s no way to get into the spirit of Christmas! Christmas is supposed to be about childlike wonder, the belief in power greater than your own, and the cosmic awe over the fact that the days are finally about to get longer!

And all those things remind me of comics. So whether you are so devout a Christian that you are considering firebombing your town square’s nondenominational “holiday” display, or a Jew looking forward to Chinese food and Django Unchained, I think we should all come together today and thank the deity of your choice that, if nothing else, we pretty much all have tomorrow off.

And in that spirit, and the spirit of comics, why don’t you and your family huddle around the warm glow of the computer monitor and enjoy Stan Lee, and his rendition of the classic Christmas poem The Night Before Christmas? Maybe it will remind us all that, no matter what our differences, maybe for this one day we can all come together and agree to act in the benevolent spirit of the season, and maybe go see a Tarantino movie and firebomb Uncle Pete together.

Stan the Man is waiting, right after the jump.

Christmas In February At Christmas: New Community Christmas Episode Clip Released

It is Christmas Eve, and if your family is anything like mine, you are currently in your family’s living room, wearing an “early gift” of a truly horrific sweater, being frogmarched in front of neighbors you don’t know while Johnny Mathis’s Insipid Christmas (or whatever the actual title is) plays on the cassette deck, and pretending to answer a work email on your smartphone when you’re really blogging for help.

It’s enough to make you wish for a Christmas with your friends, with simple gifts and lots and lots of inexpensive tequila. The kind of Christmas we used to see on Community, before it got punted to February, 2013. Well, fear not: NBC has released a clip of the “Christmas” episode of Community season 4 – probably due to air in April – showing good friends swapping simple gifts… either that, or it shows an irresponsible degenerate putting innocent kittens in terrible, terrible danger. You can see the goodness, which will distract you from the real-life questions of when you’ll settle down already, after the jump.

Christmas Resurrection: Gail Simone Back On Batgirl

I have existed from the morning of the world and I shall exist until the last star falls from the night. Although I have taken the form of Gaius Caligula, I am all men as I am no man and therefore I am a God.

So. After firing Gail Simone as writer of Batgirl a few weeks ago, and then quietly weathering the ensuing shitstorm from fandom on the Internet, DC chose the Friday before Christmas to allow the name of the next Batgirl writer to leak out.

And who, praytell, will be the poor fucker trying to follow in the footsteps of Gail Simone?

Gail Simone.

Here’s a thing.Gail Simone is the new Batgirl writer. 🙂

— GailSimone (@GailSimone) December 21, 2012

Also?NOT A HOAX.

— GailSimone (@GailSimone) December 21, 2012

Entry Portal: Locke & Key: Omega #2 Review

I hadn’t read any of Locke & Key, written by Joe Hill and drawn by Gabriel Rodriguez, until the Grindhouse one-shot came out back in September. At the time, I told myself that I hadn’t tried it because the word was it had a bunch of backstory and mythology crossing four already-released trade paperbacks worth of material, and between my heavy take of weekly comics and trying to run a comics Web site, I simply didn’t have the time or energy to throw myself into a deep horror tale that, based on titles alone, looked like another Lovecraft knockoff – sure, I loves me some Lovecraftian stories, but I think I’ve established I have little patience for bad ones. So why run the risk?

That was the reason that I told myself. Turns out the real reason I wasn’t reading Locke & Key is because I was a fucking idiot.

Locke & Key is a spectacular horror story, one that covers twenty years and more of mythology, yes, but which focuses on a small group of well-rounded characters in a limited, generally familiar setting – you know, minus the weird house and its funky magic keys. It has Lovecraftian elements, yes, but it also has so much more, and by keeping the people affected down to a small group, it accentuates the danger by making it easy to empathize with those in the thick of it. Yes, Locke & Key is all one big six-volume story (other than that Grindhouse one-shot), and yes, because of that, it is difficult to just grab an issue to understand who people are and what is happening to them, but four of those volumes are available in affordable trade paperback, with the fifth just out in hardcover… and if you’re anything like me, by the time you finish the fourth book, you’ll happily drop the extra few bucks to get the fifth right fucking now.

The sixth and final Locke & Key volume, Omega, is being released in normal comic book form right now; the second issue dropped on Wednesday. And while I have been digging it, I didn’t review the last month’s first issue because it is a late chapter in one big story. Which meant that if you hadn’t read any of the earlier issues, there wasn’t a hope in hell that a new reader would know what the hell was going on or why. And the same is true for this week’s second issue, but I’m going to review and recommend it anyway, even for new readers. Because even though new readers won’t know who the punk kid in the wedding dress is, or why there’s a naked child ghost wandering around with no wang, or if the black woman muttering “White. Stop. Dodge” is in the mental hospital due to a hideous Bombardment accident, I can guarantee they will lock onto the character of Rufus Whedon. And if the heart and cleverness with which Hill has embued this character doesn’t give you faith that maybe it’s worth starting Locke & Key from the beginning to see what he’s done with these other people you don’t know? Maybe comics really aren’t the hobby for you.

Take Her Away: Disney / Marvel To Take Star Wars License From Dark Horse

A long time ago (sometime around 1986) in a galaxy far, far away (presuming you are reading this from somewhere in Andromeda, and if you are: please send flying cars and jetpacks), Marvel Comics decided, four years after Return of The Jedi had left theaters and with enthusiasm for Star Wars dwindling after years of no word of a fourth movie forthcoming, to stop publishing Star Wars comic books.

A less long time ago (figure around 1991), writer Timothy Zahn published a Star Wars novel named Heir to The Empire, which rumor had it was authorized by George Lucas and reflective of the plots originally planned for the Star Wars Episode VII movie promised to us back around 1980. The book and its sequels were a hit, and revitalized interest in Star Wars for the first time in years. And by the end of that year, we walked into comic stores to find Dark Empire, the first new Star Wars comic book in about five years, written by Tom Veitch and drawn by Cam Kennedy, expanding on Zahn’s work and published by Dark Horse Comics. This began a run of Dark Horse-published Star Wars comics that have spanned two decades, three new Star Wars movies, and, depending on your point of view and impulse control, four to six George Lucas childhood rapes (depending on if you count the non-Genndy Tartakovsky Clone Wars cartoons.

A couple weeks ago, in Los Angeles, Disney bought Lucasfilm. And you might remember that three years ago, Disney bought Marvel Comics. And yet, to this day, Dark Horse publishes several Star Wars comic books (including reprints of many of the old Marvel issues). But hey, that’s okay! What could possibly happen? I mean, look at Star Wars itself! When Senator Palpatine took over the Senate, everything stayed a-ok and the status quo was maintained, right?

Right?

(cue Darth Vader’s Imperial March)

Questionable Mental States: Daredevil #21 Review

Editor’s Note: Kingpin left me with ten spoilers in my pocket. I found a comics Web site that makes change.

Whether purposefully or accidentally, Marvel and writer Mark Waid have put themselves into a difficult position by putting the first chronological appearance of The Superior Spider-Man – that is, whoever Spider-Man will wind up being after the events of next week’s The Amazing Spider-Man #700 – into this week’s Daredevil #21.

Because with all the hype and anticipation surrounding what will happen with Spider-Man (as an example: once we published an article about the leak to the Internet of the ending to The Amazing Spider-Man #700, our Web traffic doubled… and we didn’t even publish the actual spoilers), what he does and how he acts in Daredevil #21 will be almost as important to readers as the story about Ol’ Hornhead. It’s kinda like casting the Octomom or John Wayne Bobbit in a porno flick; you’ll get a lot of rubberneckers not watching the thing for its intended purpose.

So even though Spider-Man’s appearance in Daredevil #21 makes complete and total sense with regards to the greater story – not only the story of some still unknown party trying to drive Matt nuts, but of Matt’s conscious decision to lighten up that goes back to Waid’s earliest issues – his appearance here, before the resolution of the current arc in Spider-Man’s home title, means the issue (not the story; there is a distinction there) has a massive, nearly crippling distraction that I doubt Waid originally intended. It makes the reading of this individual issue, during this particular point in pre-Amazing Spider-Man #700 time, an almost schizophrenic experience, where what Spider-Man does and says in two pages is almost, if not more, important to the comic reader than the actual Daredevil story in the preceding 18 pages.

So I’m gonna review it that way: in two parts.

Meet The New Boss

There’s been a lot of noise and uproar about how The Amazing Spider-Man writer Dan Slott might intend to conclude his final arc in Amazing Spider-Man #700 next week, even though the larger notes of the story were (supossedly… but probably) given away days ago. While those story beats remain unknown for the time-being (unless you have a Bittorrent client), what has gone somewhat underreported is that, whatever version of Spider-Man that Slott intends to persist in The Superior Spider-Man come January, that Spider-Man makes his first appearance in this week’s Daredevil #21.

And based on a quick flip-through of that issue? Well, assuming I wasn’t already pretty sure who winds up behind the Spider-Man mask, I would now be at least pretty sure that it isn’t gonna be Happy Smurf.

However, even though the comics press (including us) is acting like the fate of Spider-Man is the end-all and be-all of the comics world this week, rumor has it that there are at least one or two other comic books out this week. So be it Spider-Man or Octo-Douche, all it means is that this…

…means the end of our broadcast day.

And take a look at that take, huh? Even if you don’t give a tin shit if Spider-Man’s strong or if he has radioactive blood, bub, there is some cool stuff in this week’s comics. We’ve got the second issue of Jonathan Hickman’s Avengers, the third-to-last issue of Vertigo’s Hellblazer, a new issue of Brian K. Vaughn’s and Fiona Staples’s Saga, the first issue of DC Comics’s adaptation of the uncut version of Quentin Tarantino’s uncut original script for Django Unchained, and bunch of other cool-looking stuff!

But you know the drill: before we can read them, we need to battle a supervillain for ultimate control of our own brains, and then we need time to read them.

So until that time (and until we resolve our battle for supremacy against our archnemesis, Doctor OldNumberSevenDaniels)…

…see you tomorrow, suckers!

New Blood: Shelly Bond Named Executive Editor of Vertigo

There was some speculation, not just here at the Crisis On Infinite Midlives Home Office, but around the Western comic reading world, that Karen Berger’s exit as Executive Editor of Vertigo Comics, combined with the cancellation of Vertigo’s longest running title, Hellblazer, to move the character full time to the DC Universe, might mean the end of the imprint completely. Because surely, anything that could kill John Constantine, be it demon, cultist or “Corporate Synergy Consultant,” would think nothing of wiping out his friends, too.

Well, it looks like we were wrong, at least for the time being. Because DC Entertainment has just announced the promotion of Hellblazer, Lucifer and Fables Editor Shelly Bond to Executive Editor, as well as promotions for Scalped and 100 Bullets Editor Will Dennis, and for American Vampire Editor Mark Doyle as well.

So unless this secretly is one of those “Johnny Fallguy Named CEO of ENRON” kinda deals, it looks like the Vertigo line will still be around. For at least a while.

You can check out DC’s full press release after the jump.

Wishing For A Sonic Zippo: New Doctor Who Christmas Special Trailer Online

I am not the resident Doctor Who-head in the Crisis On Infinite Midlives Home Office – those duties fall to Amanda and Lance Manion, who as children both thrilled to the adventures of the Fourth Doctor on PBS during the early 80s while I was instead busy flipping around the channels saying, “Dad? Why is that freak in the scarf arguing with a crappy Artoo-Deetoo knockoff on an obviously cardboard spaceship? Could we get a VCR so I can watch the actual Star Wars and not be subjected to bankrupt English people playacting?”

Amanda and Lance have since changed my mind about the Doctor- if everyone has “their” Doctor, mine’s Christopher Eccleston – so I have a certain level of excitement about the Doctor Who Christmas Special coming up on, well, Christmas. The concept of a Christmas Special is apparently a particularly British tradition in television – do a six episode “series,” take a little nap, drink a little tea, do a quick Christmas special, and then binge drink on lager while arguing whether Tom Baker could kick Matt Smith’s ass, or vice versa, all while pretending that they don’t know full well that Han Solo cold kill them both before they hit the ground. But I digress.

This special looks to properly introduce new Companion, Jenna-Louise Coleman, with the Doctor battling evil, supernatural snowmen. And based on the latest teaser, these Snowmen look to be a threat as creepy and dangerous as the Weeping Angels… provided the Weeping Angels could be destroyed by fire, or perhaps a warmish late-winter day.

Don’t believe me? Well, you can check that trailer out after the jump.