The Best Laid Plans

Famous last words:

But before we can talk about any of them (and with God as my witness, we will try to talk about some of them), we need time to read them…

Yeah, that didn’t work, Make no mistake, there were some damn good comic books in the take last week – seeing the apparent return of Peter Parker in The Superior Spider-Man #30 was one of the more thrilling moments I’ve seen in a comic recently, so a high-five to writers Dan Slott and Christos Gage, and to Guiiseppe Camuncoli for that closing splash page – but good planning thwarted by an unexpected extended stay in a hospital emergency room put the skids on our ability to review any comics for the umpteenth week in a row.

Which is not a thing that we are proud of, and yet this week may not be any better. We already have scheduled a check-in visit with the person we spent last Saturday waiting on in the ER, and there’s the small matter of finding time to see Captain America: The Winter Soldier sometime before the weekend concludes. Plus, we’re still working on the capital improvements to the Home Office we recently mentioned that have been delayed by watching the incontinent gobble Jell-O, and as we speak our mascot, Parker The Kitten, is distracting my co-Editor Amanda by demanding she allow him to chase around a toy mouse on a wire, under the implied threat that otherwise he’ll chew all our electrical wires, leading to the discovery of a dead cat in a burning house.

But still, we promise to try. Because it is Wednesday, which means a clean slate. Unfortunately, it also means that this…

…means the end of our broadcast day.

And even though it is a somewhat light take this week, there are some winners in there. There’s the 200th overall issue of Ultimate Spider-Man, written by Brian Michael Bendis with at least some art by Mark Bagley just like in the old days, a new issue of Action Comics (which has become actually really good since Greg Pak took over writing duties, the first issues of Inhuman and Aquaman And The Others (for some reason), and a bunch of other cool-looking stuff.

But before we can even think about talking about any of them, we need to calm this Goddamned cat down and eventually read them. So while we try to accomplish that…

…see you tomorrow, suckers!

Cyborgs And Mutants: Terminator Reboot, X-Men: Days of Future Past Videos Released

Let’s be real here: it is April 1st. And that means that you can’t trust a Goddamned thing that you read on this, or any other, Internet.

Just today I have seen stories that Reddit can hijack your webcam and allow you to scroll around by making hipster head nods. I have seen Google claim that you could take pictures of anything from a new kitten to a homegrown snuff film and have Pokemon appear in the photo. And in the comics realm, I have seen Brian Michael Bendis claim that Marvel and DC had buried their more than decade long agreement to disagree on crossover comics to bring back the much remembered and less-much loved Amalgam line of comics.

Bottom line: any words written on any Website between now and midnight tonight should be disregarded as bullshit. So in the interest of proving that we do not have mischief or shenanigans as a motive, we’re just gonna dispense with the words and go straight to whatever genre video we can present without looking like hamfisted amateur comedians.

So in that interest, here is the latest teaser for the upcoming Terminator reboot. It’s just a quick minute or so, and there’s a possibility that it’s just fan service (although the opening credits indicate it’s probably legit), but either way: you can check it out after the jump.

Happy Birthday, Batman, or: I Wish My Parents Were Still Alive

We need to keep things short again today – we spent a large chunk of yesterday at the hospital waiting for news about and the discharge of a member of one of our extended families who happened to fall ill while we were the only ones around. So after a Saturday evening spent in the emergency room of a major metropolitan hospital’s emergency room (which is where you meet not only the finest, but the cleanest and sanest, people) and a Sunday morning and afternoon spent watching said family member to make sure that the crisis had, in fact, passed, we are fucking fried.

But we are not too fried to acknowledge that today is a huge day in comic book history. Because it is today, March 30th, in 1939, that one of the most important comic books in history was first released for sale. That comic? Detective Comics #27.

The first appearance of Batman, yo.

Plans Are What Happens…

Due to an unforseen emergency, we are currently at a hospital, awaiting a family member’s discharge. So no new content today, unfortunately.

We should return to our regular broadcast schedule tomorrow.

Flickum Bicus: Dresden Files War Cry Announced

It might be hard to believe, given that we are big enough comic book fans here at Crisis On Infinite Midlives that we started a Website that is dedicated to comics, but we are, in fact, capable of reading books. You know, actual books. Ones with no pictures in them. And sometimes even ones that don’t feature superheroes. Although not often. Unless they’re written by Neal Stephenson. Which do feature a character named Hiro Protagonist. But that’s not the point right now.

The point is that we do read books… albeit usually genre books. And those genre books include Jim Butcher’s The Dresden Files. We became fans of the character, as many did, via the Sci-Fi Channel (you remember, back when “SyFy” actually showed, you know… sci-fi?) series starring Paul Blackthorne from Arrow. We became fans of the book, as many did, when I was at Logan Airport waiting for our flight to San Diego Comic-Con, realizing that I’d forgotten to pack a book to distract me from five hours of crippling nicotine fits, and finding Storm Front at the Hudson News near the gate.

So we have enjoyed the series of books (to the point where we own the Dresden Files roleplaying game, and will even play it when we have a spare hour here or there), and have enjoyed the Dynamite Comics adaptations of some of those books, except for the most part, the comics have been just that: adaptations. Meaning that we already know how those stories go and how they end, which mitigates some of the wonder of reading those comics.

But there’s a lot of time and activity that happens in between those novels that isn’t accounted for, and one would think that those periods would be a fertile groundwork for stories. And apparently, Butcher and Dynamite agreed, because at the currently-occurring Emerald City Comic Con, Dynamite has announced The Dresden Files: War Cry, which is an actual untold story of The Dresden Files… and which puts it high on our pull list.

Shocking: Spider-Man 2099 By Peter David And Will Sliney Confirmed

I didn’t read Spider-Man 2099 when it first came out in 1992, for a few reasons. 1992 was the year Image Comics debuted and when The Death of Superman was released, so an alternate universe packed with what looked, at face value, like “X-Treme!” gimmick knockoffs meant to get us to buy two books with the same character every months, and God knows that only a savage would double-ship a character to make some extra bank. Besides, in 1992 I was a junior an college and only had money for six comics a week, or one comic a week and beer. I think we all know that I made the prudent and wise choice.

By the time I graduated and started having a few bucks in my pocket to buy more comics, Marvel was playing peek-a-boo with crippling bankruptcy, firing editors left and right, Peter David had left the book, and it seemed like my money would be better used on Vertigo books, or perhaps by chucking it into an open gutter.

So I wasn’t particularly familiar with the character beyond the knowledge that his alter ego was Miguel O’Hara and he said “Shock!” a shitload for reasons I could never fucking understand. He’s been an intriguing presence in the modern Marvel Universe by way of his appearances in The Superior Spider-Man, but not a big enough presence that I’ve really felt like I’ve gotten to know the character. Although he still says “shock!” an awful Goddamned fucking lot.

Well, that’s gonna change come July, when Marvel is publishing a new Spider-Man 2099 standalone title, written by Peter David with art by Fearless Defenders artist Will Sliney.

Performance Review And Action Items

Wait – it’s been how long since we posted a comic book review? Jesus, we suck.

Well, we do suck, but there are a few reasons for that… none of which we are ready to tell you about at this time. All we are prepared to discuss is that our plans require a certain amount of capital improvements to the Crisis On Infinite Midlives Home Office, which recently has been taking about eight hours a week in just raw animal labor, not counting planning and researching for when that raw animal labor is finally done in a few weeks. And when you combine that effort and planning with a couple of 40 hour a week day jobs, plus care and feeding of Home Office Mascot Parker the Kitten, it makes it hard to sit down for the two to three hours it normally takes us to spit out the 1,000 words it usually takes us to say, “That was terrible!”

But with all that said, we are not prepared to announce, make, or intimate anything different about the Web site at this time. And this is one of those weeks where there is a metric assload of new comics, so I swear to you: we will try like hell to review at least one or two of them.

But the big takeaway of that statement is that there are new comics. Because it is, after all, Wednesday, which means that this…

…means the end of our broadcast day.

But there are some really killer books in this week’s take. There is the obvious second issue of Neil Gaiman’s and J. H. Williams III’s The Sandman Overture (only about four months late!), the fifth issue of Brian Michael Bendis’s and Mark Bagley’s Brilliant (only about so late I can’t remember when the last issue came out!), a one-shot about Amanda Waller by Skullkickers writer Jim Zub, the fourth reprint issue of Miracleman, and a bunch of other cool stuff!

But before we can talk about any of them (and with God as my witness, we will try to talk about some of them), we need time to read them. So until that time…

…see you tomorrow, suckers!

Not Kosher: Marvel Announces Spider-Verse

We’re a little late to the party on this one, but Marvel is already starting to hype the first big event of the soon-to-be freshly Peter Parker-centric reboot of The Amazing Spider-Man… because God knows that you need to market the living shit out of a book where you completely blow up the status quo to, well, return to the status quo. Jesus, Marvel and writer Dan Slott threw a pudgy, nearsighted, vainglorious motormouth into the Spider-Man suit for the past 15 months and have set sales records; I doubt you need to set the world alight to get people to read a Spider-Man book featuring the original dude.

Frankly, just seeing Peter Parker back in the saddle is enough of an event to get me excited… and yet this one sounds ambitious and kinda interesting. It’s called Spider-Verse, it’s gonna be written by Dan Slott with art by Olivier Coipel, it’ll be coming out in November starting in The Amazing Spider-Man #9, and it’s gonna feature Spider-Man.

Whaddya mean, “which Spider-Man?” Spider-Man! You know… all of them. Ever.

Seriously: check it out:

Danzig-Free: New X-Men: Days of Future Past Trailer Released

Ever since 2000, when the first X-Men movie was released in theaters, April has been an exciting time to be a comic book geek. Because it seems like every year since then, there has been at least one summer comic book movie to get psyched up about. Sure, in that summer there was just the one flick, but by 2002 we had Blade II and Spider-Man, by 2003 we had Daredevil, X2: X-Men United, Hulk and League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, and just this summer, we have Captain America: The Winter Soldier, The Amazing Spider-Man 2, Guardians of The Galaxy, and yet another Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles for some reason.

And we also have X-Men: Days of Future Past, directed by X-Men and X-2: X-Men United director Bryan Singer, who is, if any one person can be credited as responsible for the superhero movie explosion, that one person. Let us remember that, back in 1998 and 1999, there was widespread speculation that Wolverine would be played by Glenn Danzig. Who I’m sure would be a delight for any kind of fan to meet at a convention, but who I frankly prefer working in small suburban rock clubs, shrieking “MOTHER!” at increasingly aging punk chicks who know that Glenn is checking out their tits when he appears to be ogling their knees.

But the depressing circumstances of being Glenn Danzig are neither here nor there. The important thing is that X-Men: Days of Future Past is opening in American theaters on May 21st, which means that it’s time for a new trailer to come out to whet our appetites. And that is a thing that happened today, along with the release of the latest one-sheet poster for the flick, which you can check out at the top left of this piece.

The trailer? Well, you can check that out after the jump. Spoiler alert: it does not feature Glenn Danzig. To see Glenn, you’ll need to follow him on Twitter to see either where he’s playing, or where he’s jingling a Dunkin Donuts cup for spare change, and will likely call Wolverine a homo for you in exchange for a Marlboro Light.

Let’s Go Exploring: Interview With Bill Watterson Released

We don’t talk a lot about comic strips here at Crisis On Infinite Midlives – we are, after all, generally comic book people, and we live in the 21st century. This means that we don’t exactly have access to, or much of a desire for, a daily newspaper comics page. The last time we saw a newspaper here at the Home Office, it was when Office Mascot Parker The Kitten had been here less than 24 hours and we were unsure if he knew a litter box from an Ultimate Nullifier.

We are, however, middle aged, which means that we were around in the days when, not only were newspapers a viable business with a future perceived to be brighter than being mentioned in the same breath as buggy whips, leaded gasoline and kitten urine sponges, but when the newspaper comic strip was in it’s probable final golden age. Here at the Home Office, we have huge collections of the favorite classic comic strips of our adolescence. Bloom County. Doonesbury. And, of course, Calvin & Hobbes.

Calvin & Hobbes occupies it’s own rarefied space in that pantheon, because of all the strips, it exists in and of itself, and that’s it. I personally have a stuffed Bill The Cat and an Uncle Duke action figure. I have seen Garry Trudeau hang around so long he has put Doonesbury on hiatus to produce TV shows and Broadway musicals. I have attended Comic-Con panels where Berkeley Breathed has talked about the history of Bloom County, and I even got to meet the guy and have him sign my first volume of the Bloom County collection by IDW… but Calvin & Hobbes creator Bill Watterson did the strip, wrapped the strip up, and then went off into almost complete retirement, leaving behind almost no comment. And unless you had a taste for decals of Calvin pissing on the Ford logo or t-shirts of Calvin and Hobbes dancing around a beer keg (if you happened to attend college in the late 80s or early 90s, of course), the only merchandise was the strip itself.

And thus it has remained. However, if you happen to live anywhere near Ohio State in Columbus, specifically near the Billy Ireland Cartoon Library & Museum, an exhibition of some of Watterson’s original art from Calvin & Hobbes is starting today. And in a effort to hype the event, Watterson actually gave a brief interview discussing how he became involved with the library, a little about his process on Calvin & Hobbes, and his thoughts on the current state of cartooning.