Since Then, I’ve Spent Most Of My Time Chasing Superman. So To Speak: Ben Affleck Cast As Batman In Zack Snyder’s Batman Vs. Superman Movie

Christ, you go out to dinner late on a single, solitary Thursday evening, and what do you miss…

Ending weeks of speculation, Ben Affleck has been set to star as Batman, a.k.a. Bruce Wayne. Affleck and filmmaker Zack Snyder will create an entirely new incarnation of the character in Snyder’s as-yet-untitled project—bringing Batman and Superman together for the first time on the big screen and continuing the director’s vision of their universe, which he established in “Man of Steel.” The announcement was made today by Greg Silverman, President, Creative Development and Worldwide Production, and Sue Kroll, President, Worldwide Marketing and International Distribution, Warner Bros. Pictures.

The studio has slated the film to open worldwide on July 17, 2015.

Okay, let’s all get our, “Oh Jesus, Affleck was in Gigli / Saving Christmas / Sum of All Fears / Jennifer Lopez!” panic out of our system. Feel better? Now settle down, huddle up, fetch your old Uncle Rob some more bourbon, and listen up: this is not bad news.

Let that initial panic wash over you. It’s okay; we middle-aged Batman fans have had it far worse, for equally incorrect reasons. Imagine being 17 years old in 1988, and being chased around your high school halls for constantly carrying a trade paperback copy of Frank Miller’s The Dark Knight Returns. Now imagine that you read in the newspaper (Note to younger readers: newspapers were like blogs that only updated once per day, and were printed on Scott toilet paper) that the Batman movie you have dreamed of was being directed by the guy who did Pee Wee’s Big Adventure, starring Beetlejuice, with music by the guy who did Darling Nikki. And all of this happening with the Adam West Batman TV show closer in the past than Tim Burton’s first Batman movie is to us now. And that turned out okay, now didn’t it?

And I know, I know: your next instinct is to shit your pants over the general low quality of the Daredevil movie, which starred Affleck. And you have a point… but let me make a recommendation that you hunt yourself down a copy of Mark Steven Johnson’s director’s cut of Daredevil. It doesn’t turn the movie into Citizen Kane, but it is a vastly better flick than the theatrical cut… and besides: Jon Favreau was in Daredevil, and nobody rended their garments when Favreau was announced as director / co-star of Iron Man, now did they?

Okay now; let’s all just take a nice slug of that bourbon and pretend, just for a minute, that Affleck’s movies from, say, Gigli up until Hollywoodland (where, if you’ll remember, Affleck played Superman, and no one’s childhood was Lucased) never happened, you have some pretty decent flicks, if not honest-to-God icons of Generation X cinema. You’ve got Dazed And Confused, Chasing Amy, and Good Will Hunting, just off the top of my head. And since the man started directing, there’s The Town, Argo, and Extract (which is undersung, but he played a hell of a Gen X long-time stoner in that one). Sure, he fucked up repeatedly in the early 2000s, but let’s remember that he was banging Jennifer Lopez… and back then, we all would have not only banged Jennifer Lopez, but we would have done anything she told us to in order to keep banging Jennifer Lopez. In 2003, if any of we red-blooded American males were given the choice between spending time making informed career choices and nailing J-Lo, we would all be currently applying Zovirax to ourselves while on our breaks from the drive-thru window at McDonald’s.

And let’s all remember that just 18 months ago, Henry Cavill was nothing more than one of those shirtless drones on one of the 14 medieval swords-n-tits shows on paid cable, and fucking English to boot, and we bought him as Superman. And in just 23 months, we are going to see a middle-aged, red-blooded American boy kick the shit out of him in 3D IMAX.

And finally, let’s remember the most important thing: Ben Affleck grew up in Cambridge, Massachusetts, about five miles from the Crisis On Infinite Midlives Home Office as the crow flies. That means that, as of this day: Batman is a townie, yo. Batman has season tickets to the Boston Red Sox. Batman used to drink at the Bow & Arrow bar. And Batman, in his one semester in college, attended college about three miles from where I attended college.

This all means that there is a decent chance that I could be Nightwing in this movie, simply by association. So just congratulate Affleck, hope for the best, and for God’s sake, don’t you fuck this up for me.

Why yes, I did have several beers at dinner. What’s your point?

(via Bleeding Cool)