Ihre Papiere, Bitte, Or: Let’s See Some ID, Fat Indian Superman (If That Is Your Real Name)

San Diego Comic-Con is only six-ish weeks away, which takes it out of the ephemeral realm of “some thing I’ve been planning to do for 45 weeks” and puts it firmly in the area of “something concrete to look forward to other than the sweet, sweet release of death.”

That’s right: only six weeks before the biggest pop culture event of the year, with exciting comics news! Unparalleled access to the biggest comic creators and TV and movie stars! And random stops by red-shirted security goons, stopping you on your way to a photo op with a fat dude dressed as Batwoman, to ask for your papers.

Wait, what?

Comic-Con International may perform any of the following validation of badges on entry to any area of the convention. These measures are an effort to prevent illegal badge duplication and unauthorized reselling. We may scan the bar code, require a photo ID that matches the name on the badge, scan RFID embedded in the badge, and examine the badge with other technological and/or physical methods to verify authenticity of the badge and holder. Before leaving any registration area please make sure that the name on the badge matches your identification.

That’s the text of an email sent to every Comic-Con registered attendee yesterday, and my first instinct was, “Jesus Christ, what’s next? a DNA sample? Because – funny story – considering what I usually do with my badges once I get them, you’re getting a DNA sample whether you want it or not.

Actually, on one hand, I agree with this… in a very, very narrow way. As SDCC becomes more and more popular, putting something in the terms of service indicating to the general public that shanking me for my laminate as I toddle out of a bar in a total blackout is a fruitless endeavor is somewhat attractive to me.

However, I see two problems with this new policy (assuming that Comic-Con actually intends to implement it), the first being that “entry to any area of the convention” dealie. That includes the bathroom, dudes, and it’s hard enough wandering into some of them as it is without having some percentage of attendees soiling themselves while wasting time fumbling for their licenses.

The second problem being that Comic-Con has now given the authority to volunteer personnel, who are generally geeks just like the rest of us mooks, only working in exchange to be at the convention free of charge, the legal authority to stop any set of tits in a Power Girl suit and demand her home address. And not only is that power a temptation that many people would succumb to in a hot second… the gawking crowds around those girls are big enough without adding the chance to see from where, exactly, she will retrieve her wallet.