Nostalgia: The Twelve #11

I’m gonna start with a sad, yet probably obvious revelation: I have no idea what is going on in The Twelve. I bought the first eight issues in 2007 and 2008 before it went on hiatus so that writer J. Michael Straczynski could take up writing duties on Superman and Wonder Woman and also not finish. And while I remembered enjoying it, it never clicked enough with me to add to my pull list at my local comics store, where they know me by name and ask me to stop telling the paying customers, “You looking for The Twelve? Well, you came to the right guy!”

So I missed issues 9 and 10 when they dropped last month because, well, this is an in-demand book, and it was sold out when I got to the store each week; frankly, the copy I have in my lap was the last copy of #11 in stock yesterday. And since I’m two issues behind, and haven’t bothered to re-read the first eight issues, I’m kind of in the dark here, so I’m reviewing this based solely on the merits of this individual comic book. And it is a very good comic book… which shouldn’t be surprising. Because Straczynski is an excellent writer… and because it includes riffs that I’ve seen in at least three other classic comic books.

This issue starts with the aftermath of the investigation of The Phantom Reporter (A print newspaper reporter who is also a superhero… a bankrupt, unemployed superhero) into the death of The Blue Blade (A costumed hero who styled himself after Errol Flynn, so I’m guessing he vowed battle crime to make a world in which young girls could rest easy after he banged them) implicating Dynamic Man (Marvel’s 1930s version of Superman, except, y’know… dynamic. And also a Nazi robot. But mostly dynamic) in the murder.

And that aftermath is out-of-the-gate action. Straczynski and artist Chris Weston treat us to an action-packed battle between Dynamic Man and the remainder of the heroes, culminating in an interesting gambit by Dynamic Man to try and kill The Twelve, followed by a stunning escape… which is the first place where the book feels like a lift. Because the escape involves Rockman straining to lift a crushing weight while picturing some beloved family member. Which was compelling and suspenseful the first time I read it… in the classic Lee / Ditko Amazing Spider-Man #33.

The action then shifts to a select number of The Twelve pursuing Dynamic Man to the lab where he was built and making an apparently desperate and doomed attempt to stop what appears to be a homicidal, utterly amoral and seemingly unstoppable hero who has gone completely psychotic. It is a cool, exciting fight… but one that feels like the battle between Miracleman and Kid Miracleman in Miracleman #15. Which many comic purists will scoff at; “Sure,” they might say, “It’s recently resurrected classic heroes battling each other to the death, but it doesn’t have the stakes of Johnny Bates destroying London.” Fine, let’s ignore Miracleman and skip to the final issue of James Robinson’s The Golden Age, where Golden Age heroes team up to stop a seemingly unstoppable mad Nazi hero. Named Dynaman.

Neither of these apparent… shall we say “homages” are dealbreakers; this is an exciting comic book with interesting characters and some really fun, high-stakes action happening. But for veteran comics readers, the similarities between the action in this issue and the previously mentioned classic comics will scream at you from the page. It’s glaring and obvious, and frankly, it is disappointing to see from a writer I hold in regard as highly as I generally do Straczynski. It’s like going to a Pearl Jam concert and and watching them do two hours of Who covers; it might be a good show, and you might even be a big Who fan… but it’s not what you expect, and it’s certainly not why you bought Pearl Jam tickets.

Chris Weston’s art is solid, as it has been since the beginning of the series (At least as well as I can remember). He has a fine-lined style with good detail, without resorting to busy cross-hatching for simulated detail. His figures are realistic – all the heroes other than Dynamic Man look more to me like beefy, 1930s-style strongmen rather than your modern Adonis types, which is a nice touch for anachronistic heroes like this. His action storytelling is exciting and clear, and he can even make a newspaper reporter in a purple mask look like a badass… my only complaint is his depiction of Captain Wonder who wears Speedo trunks over the Goddamned hairiest legs you’ll see outside of Lilith Fair. It’s a realistic touch that you don’t see in most superhero comics… because it is creepy and just kinda icky. For future reference, Chris? Pants: they’re an always choice.

This is a strange book to review, because it is exciting with a strong plot by a writer who I respect. However, there is just too damned much of it that feels like things I’ve read before. It might be a thrilling story to a new comics reader (Who will never buy a #11 of a 12-issue miniseries, but who might try a trade collection by the guy who wrote Babylon 5), but to an old fan like me, just feels like a retread of old classics that is ultimately distracting and disappointing. Especially considering that there are people who have waited literally years to read it… only to discover that they already read most of it years ago.