Vindication, or: Freezing Out Jar Jar

Back in 1999, a high school buddy of mine and I caught that case of Skywalking Pneumonia that seemed to be going around that May, and we went to see Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace for an opening matinee. A couple of hours later, we walked out and said, “Um… it had lightsabers. Lightsabers are cool. Right? I mean, I thought they were… cool… and there were – Exactly what the fuck just happened to us? Why do we suddenly miss Ewoks? And if I hear the word ‘Meesa,’ I swear before God I will plow this car into a fucking abutment!”

Since then, there’s been a lot of hyperbolic talk about George Lucas raping childhoods, while Lucas defended himself by saying The Phantom Menace was meant to be a kids’ movie, but the bottom line is that a lot of people see the movie as a filthy aberration. And I am one of them… to the point that I never paid to see another Star Wars movie in the theater again (I was, um, provided a copy of the 2002 leak of Attack of The Clones, and I saw Revenge of the Sith at a free advance screening sponsored by the radio station I worked for).

Well, it is now thirteen years later. And despite Lucas’s tone-deaf verbal defenses of the movie in the face of fan revolt, there is finally, all in one day, two pieces of concrete evidence that we fans were right.

1. This weekend’s 3D re-release of The Phantom Menace in theaters came in fourth at the box office. It lost to a chick teakjerker, a Denzel Washington payday action flick, and The Rock flexing his pecs (You know; for kids!). Compare this to the 1997 re-release of Star Wars, which came in first to the tune of $30 million over any other comer.
2. Despite George Lucas’s protestations that The Phantom Menace was a worthy addition to the Star Wars canon, and that all characters were crucial and deserved screen time, I present to you the Hasbro-produced, officially licensed, Lucasfilm-approved, SDCC exclusive toy offering that was debuted at Toy Fair 2012 in New York this past weekend…

Jar Jar Binks. Frozen in carbonite.

We can debate whether or not Lucas raped our respective childhoods all day long, but even if he did? At least he’s showing the common courtesy to give us toys afterwards to buy our silence.

(via Bleeding Cool and Idle Hands)