Mark Hamill Will Not Continue To Dress Up Like Your Slave Joker. No, Seriously.

Here – look at this, from, well, here. No, I’ll wait.

Also available for children's parties.

I’ve seen a wide variety of cosplay in my day. I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Attack Japan-o-philes on fire off the shoulder of Kotobukiya. I watched promo Green Lantern rings glitter in the dark near Entertainment Earth. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die. And stuff.

Anyway, that photo was, well, brain bleachy. But, did you know that this sort of thing happens at conventions a lot? No, really.

You know you want this. An excuse to purge, I mean.

No, wait, there’s more:

They're here. They're, well , Leia. Apparently.

But, you know what’s even more disturbing? Like, disturbance to The *Motherfucking* Force disturbing? Mark Hamill parting ways with Warner Brothers and ceasing to voice The Joker for Batman properties. Christ, man. Why in the hell did you ever bother to climb out of a studio set garbage compactor? Manage to walk away, more or less successfully from the franchise that defined my childhood and, decades later, get set up – presumably for life, let’s not kid ourselves, – in the cartoon franchise that would define my early adulthood. Get my hopes all up and shit, dude.

Look, Mr. Hamill, I’m going to be frank, misplaced daddy issues that I might have aside, – I learned to read because of The Art Of Star Wars. The original one came out more or less, as far as my reading needs were concerned, concurrent with the radio drama. My geek dad booted the radio show up and I eagerly followed along. He wandered out of the room – there was probably Scotch involved. But, you were there – reading Luke over the air waves. Early voice over for you, I’d imagine, but, I sat there with the damn script that was included in The Art Of Star Wars and followed along. Every. Single. Damn. Word.

There’s also a part, somewhere in my Star Wars Geekhood, where I talk about how I was horribly betrayed as a goddammed 8-year old by the inconclusive ending to Empire (now my favorite of all of them) and then bought the novelization to Jedi and spoiled it for my whole family before my dad brought us to the second run theater he always brought us to in order to catch flicks. Because he was cheap and I felt cheated by the last one. And I was a tween asshole. That sort of thing stays relevant from decade to decade, I guess.

Seriously, I mentioned that Luke and Leia were actually siblings and he stopped talking to me for, like, two weeks.

So, anyway, here’s the thing, man – you fucking rule as The Joker. Watching, or at least listening, to you be The Joker, has been a fabulous call back to my childhood. Does The Joker sound like Luke? Oh. Hell. No. Do I know what pedigree I’m getting listening to re-runs of Batman: The Animated Series, the video game Arkham Asylum, or Batman Beyond: The Return Of The Joker? Hell, yes. I do. Do kids?

No. Not, so much.

Are you responsible for this current generation of kids? No, not so much. But, God dammit dude- I understand wanting to direct, but some of us need you here, where you can make stories memorable in the first degree. It’s been 34 years and gone since Star Wars. You made me work on learning to read.

There’s another generation coming up. That’s all I’m saying, dude.