There Was No One Left To Speak Up

We here at Crisis On Infinite Midlives have decided that, no matter the cost, hardship or obstacle, we will attend and report on next year’s New York Comic Con. Because we feel that we have a responsibility. A responsibility to you, to us, and to every comic book reader who lived through the last 35 years of comics publishing. To prevent anything like THIS from every happening again:

Marvel then showed off the teaser already seen of the burning hoodie of the Scarlet Spider. “What’s this?” [Manager of Sales & Communications Arune] Singh said for [Spider-Man Editor] Wacker to respond “The worst costume ever!”

…and when they came for the people who fucking hated the Clone Saga, there was no one left to speak up.

Sorry, that was unnecessarily pessimistic. Hell, they made FUN of the Scarlet Spider, right? Maybe things’ll be okay, right? RIGHT?

That exchange prompted the announcement of a new “Scarlet Spider” ongoing by writer Chris Yost and [penciler Ryan] Stegman.

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO N-

*deep breath*

Okay, let’s all calm down. Maybe this isn’t all bad. Maybe they’re bringing the Scarlet Spider back to make fun of him. It could happen! Maybe they’re making Ben Reilly the Forbush Man of the Spider-Man books! It’s a light-hearted gag! They can’t possibly be taking this seriously, right? RIGHT?

[Stegman] said his incoming redesign highlighted the idea of the hero being scarlet. “I think visually we wanted to have a darker side” to match the book.

Yes. A dark side. Because red is the darkest of all colors. Red is the new Black, and Stegman is the new Dope. Because God knows that we need someone new with spider powers who makes you, for the very first time, think “scarlet.” Which means “red.”

Amanda and I have a long-running joke that when I get involved in an industry, it dies. I became a stand-up comedian in 1993… and within six months, every comedy club in America closed. I became an FM radio rock and roll disc jockey in 2003… and Howard Stern quit rock radio and the bottom dropped out two years later. I just became co-starter of a comic book Web site.

I’m terribly, terribly sorry.