Water Sports

Today marks the last drop of DC’s New 52, which includes Aquaman #1, written by Geoff Johns with pencils by Ivan Reis (Who penciled Johns’ scripts on Green Lantern and the Blackest Night event). Which means yesterday Johns was making the rounds of the reputable comics sites (Hello? Is this thing on? It is? Fuck you, then!) trying to drum up hype for the book. Why? Because the book is fucking AQUAMAN. Without Johns’ hype? There would BE NO HYPE. None more hype. Hypeless.

So lay it on us, Geoff: why should we give Aquaman a shot?

…we just talked about [Aquaman] himself and why he does everything, how he feels about it, what he thinks when people crack the Aquaman jokes that are extremely easy to make. It’s all about responsibility and standing tall for what you believe in and not worrying about what other people think. It’s all about being an underdog. I think it’s much more based on stuff we deal with than any old comics.

Ah, yes. Because if I had a nickel for every time I was mocked for my green spandex pants, orange shirt and public affinity for “Sending a telepathic summons to the sperm whale,” well… I would have a nickel, because once would be enough to convince me that suicide was the only viable option.

Okay, all kidding aside, Geoff: what do you have in mind for Aquaman?

One of the big questions this first year of “Aquaman” is, who sank Atlantis and why did they do it? I think that fits the kind of epic, iconic stuff I want to capture…

Okay, seriously: this has my interest. Because number one, I really enjoy Johns’ writing and Reis’ art. I thought bringing Hal Jordan back was about the most cynical, money-grubbing cash grab since chromium covers, but Johns made it work and turned it, slowly and carefully planned, into Blackest Night, which is about the last event from either house I was genuinely excited about.

So you’re telling me that someone… or someTHING… sank Atlantis into the ocean… and it’s up to Aquaman, King of the Deep to take him or it on? While at the same time somehow make Aquaman exciting for today’s jaded geek? And hyping it by calling it an “epic”?

I’ve got three words for you, Geoff:

Aquaman. Versus. Cthulhu.

You put those three words together, my man? It would be like sending a telepathic summons to geekdom’s collective sperm whale. After all: Lovecraft is in the public domain now, so it wouldn’t cost a thin dime for the rights. You’ve got nerds all over the world howling that Guillermo del Toro’s In The Mountains of Madness was spiked, and comics people looking for an epic from you along the lines of what you did with the Sinestro Corps War or Blackest Night. It’s a SLAM DUNK, Geoff! Tell me I’m RIGHT!

That’s the heart of “Aquaman” — responsibility. It’s the whole arc. I have the entire arc of my entire run mapped out, and the entire arc is about Aquaman and responsibility.

Goddammit Geoff, you fucking Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn… in an orange shirt!

Still, remember: Aquaman #1, by the guy who made Booster Gold cool again, is out today.

(Cthuhlu at R’lyeh by ~zachreddy)