Sometimes You Need Detergent And Elbow Grease; Sometimes You Need An Exorcism – Hellblazer #283

This isn’t a review. This is what happens when I’m left alone in a room with a packet of Sudafed, a bottle of Scotch, and a stack of comics and start to free associate. You’ve been warned.

Menthols? What alternate reality is this?

In addition to John Constantine’s sizable, nay, myriad tragic flaws as a human being, in John Constantine: Hellblazer #283 – “The Devil’s Trench Coat Part 1” we learn that he also doesn’t do laundry. John Constantine would have been that guy who lived on your floor in your college dorm who deposited all his athletic wear on the carpet of the hallway outside his doorway after sports practice and just left it there, stinking up the joint until a squadron of RAs was dispatched to enforce a cease and desist – that is, if Constantine actually went to college. Constantine’s aversion to even hitting his trench coat with the occasional blast of Febreeze is so bad that the coat has, apparently, gained sentience and gone on walk about. Then some hapless chump buys it on Ebay:

I feel lighted headed, too. But that's probably just the sweet, sweet cold medication. And whiskey.

And is given an ultimatum by a woman: it’s me or the coat!

Sure, the coat makes you feel invincible but, can you have sex with it. Don't answer that.

Which makes me wonder if Peter Milligan is a fan of The Kids In The Hall:

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to see what Scotch and Sudafed bring to the table as I suddenly feel compelled to do my laundry.