Batman, Robin and Curly Joe: Batman & Robin #1 Review

We’re only halfway into the four-week reveal of DC’s New 52, so it might be a little early to say this about any particular book, but I’ll say it anyway: I firmly believe that Batman & Robin was only released because “New 52” sounds catchier than “New 51”.

This book tries to be all things to everyone who ever read a Batman comic book. And while that might be a noble goal for some marketing drone slavering over the idea of thousands of non-comic geeks stumbling into comic stores to “check out that new blasphemous, hipster douchebag Superman I keep hearing about,” for an actual comic reader, it leads to an uneven, schizophrenic read that can’t seem to decide what it wants to be.

After an introductary action sequence where a new villain, Nobody… no, HE’S Nobody… the name of the bad guy is Nobody… um, third base? Anyway, there’s a new bad guy. Nobody. He’s invisible. Spoilers. Yeah.

The book proper opens with a reproduction of the parlor from Frank Miller’s Batman: Year One where Bruce Wayne told his father’s memory that he would become a bat. Which for a rebooted Batman story isn’t a bad place to start, and God knows that last week’s Detective Comics #1 did itself a solid referencing Miller’s classic look…

And two pages later? Batpoles.

Yup, those are actual Adam “My Utility Belt Is Also A Corset” West fucking Batpoles-Behind-The-Grandfather-Clock that Bruce Wayne is sliding down – presumably toward the Goddamned shark repellant – while pretty much QUOTING a classic line from Miller’s The Dark Knight Returns. And it’s quickly followed by a scene in the sewers of Crime Alley, where Batman’s parents were killed, with Miller-style, hard-boiled monologue like:

…I watched my father bleed out from his sucking chest wound and my mother from a hole in her throat…

I can still see my mother’s pearls rolling into the sewer… The sound of her pearls hitting the water seemed as loud as the gunshots that night…

And that dialogue is followed ONE PAGE LATER by Batman sailing a toy boat.

Fucking with you? ME?

Then follows an extended action sequence where Batman and Robin battle three thieves named Ronnie, Reggie and Robert – no last names are given but I’m guessing it’s either Fine or Howard – who then steal the Batmobile. Then Robin gives whacky chase ending in a silly accident! All that’s missing is the Yackety Sax soundtrack! And then a guy dies screaming in a vat of acid! Wait, what? This book has an identity crisis, and not the good kind, where Doctor Light suddenly becomes a jabbering rapist.

It feels like writer Peter Tomasi is trying to service fans of the Christopher Nolan Batman and fans of Joel Schumacher’s, and therefore fails both groups. The best thing about the book is Patrick Gleason’s art, which goes seamlessly from detailed yet shadowy and broad and cartoony, just like the writing.

It’s disappointing because based on his work in Green Lantern Corps, I know Peter Tomasi can do better than this. The fact that I can read a book that, in some areas, reads like a cheat sheet for The Best of Frank Miller, and pull not one, but TWO references to classic comedy bits out of it, should tell you all you need to know.

If you’re a Batman fan, skip this and wait for Detective Comics #2 in three more weeks.