GD Fundamentalists

There’s a panel in Action Comics #1 where Superman is shot by a tank, and he utters, well… he utters this:

Which is not the worst thing I’ve seen in a comic book this week – that would be The Big Lie by Rick Veitch, which makes Hawk & Dove look like Great Expectations, and which I’ll probably rant about tomorrow – but apparently it made the owner of The Comics Conspiracy, a comic store in North Carolina, go apeshit ballistic based on their Facebook page:

As of today’s release of Action Comics #1 by Grant Morrison, The Comic Conspiracy, will until further notice, be boycotting all future Grant Morrison books. If you want Action Comics, you will have to buy it elsewhere…

Christian comic book readers and shop owners. Join us in the Grant Morrison Boycott. Action Comics #1 is a slap in the face to Superman, Christians and Superman creators Siegel and Shuster!!

…It grieves me to see a liberal Scottish schmuck like Grant Morrison take these liberties. I’m sorry, Superman would NEVER take God’s name in vain. In the words of the late Jim Croce, “You don’t tug on Superman’s cape.

The dude’s blowup got a lot of play in the comics press, including Bleeding Cool, Geeks of Doom, and about a million other sites including Reddit. And I’m guessing that DC Comics, who’re in the middle of the New 52 press juggernaut, didn’t want to alienate the huge Christian fundamentalist market segment, who are well known for their love for comic books and other genre fiction, because they trotted Action Comics writer Grant Morrison out onto the DC Source blog:

“It should go without saying that the offending panel and caption, a mere ‘GD’, is a sound effect grunt – to suggest Superman’s breath being forced through gritted teeth – much like ‘DHH’, ‘GNUHH’ or the many others used throughout this book and in general in the comics business. It’s not in any way representative of God or a curse.”

And THIS is why I’m not a comic book writer (Other than lack of talent): if I were Morrison, my quote would be, “Of COURSE Superman was saying ‘God’! He was raised in Kansas by good Christian folk… and he was being SHOT BY A TANK. If there were ever an appropriate time to call upon the attentions and indulgences of a loving and benevolent creator, I would think it would be when you are being SHOT BY A FUCKING TANK.

“Hell’s Bells, one time I pledged my undying allegiance to Cthulhu when I thought I was gonna miss last call! Because of the outcome of the 2004 American League Championship, Baron Samadi has claim on my immortal soul! If God thinks you’re taking His name in vain when you’ve been hit in the assneck by a depleted uranium armor-piercing shell? He’s probably not impressed that you’ve changed your Facebook status to ‘Pissy’. Now fuck off; serious people are working here.”

Ah, well. Grant’s apology got the dude to lift the boycott… meaning Grant can use that royalty money to perform more ACTUAL WITCHCRAFT. Which apparently doesn’t bother the owner of Comics Conspiracy.

Save me from these people, Cthuhlu. (via Bleeding Cool, Geeks of Doom, DC Source Blog)